Fixers inc.

And the tag team champions are...

2009-02-24T20:11:00.000-08:00

So this tournament? Easy money. Look at our first opponets.

Me. and Grimm steamrolled those two. the next two were Ryu, and Ken from Street Fighter they spent the whole match whooping, and hollerin, Me. and Grimm knocked them both outta the ring with one punch.

The next bout was with Pan. And Draculina, my old sparrin' partner in Vegas.

She glares. "I joined this little tournament to kill you beast!"
Mean while the thing had troubles with her little lover. Pan. ‘Aw whatta Revoltin' development this is! I don't hit gals." Grimm whines.

The one third saiyan grins. “I don't have that problem Rocky." She grins as she body slams him inta the ring. Me I got my own problems as Draculina bites inta my neck. “Gah!" she screams “Your blood it’s tainted!"

‘“Aw a lil' dose of Gamma Radiation to spicy fer yer delicate tummy?" I back hand the Drauklonian outta the ring pan Freaks out and turns Supersaiyan then the thing gets a great idea he thunder claps right by her ears. Though I should be a lil' mad fer stealin' my move.

But aw screw it, after a little rest Not that I really need it I'm the Hulk. We were ready for the last match against a kid that's the spittin' image a. Vegeta, and a tiny little girl that looks about 17 or 18.

“Grimm the one ya have ta worry about is the boy with the spiky hair, if the girl is who I think she is. She ain't got powers. "

“Well that's a relief because Aunt Petunia taught me ta treat the ladies wit' respect I don't wanna clobber 'em." Thing drones on

“That’s great." I roll my eyes he’s as bad as the Green Hulk. What sucks Is I Didn't pay attention ta the saiyan boy who smacked me in the face.
“Okay kid first ones free. " I grunt.

I keep punching at him and he keeps vanishin' Dammit this is startin' to annoy me.

The girl has some kinda weird metal gloves that actually stun the thing When she hits him must be Adamantium, yup that's definitely Batty's little girl. Grimm catches her. “Why can't I read your Body language?"
She groans.

" Prob'ly because I'm an ever lovin' blue eyed rock." Thing Says while holding the girl's hand with one of his giant mitts. " " Now missy I'm Going to set ya gently outside the ring, and." His words were cut off as she did some kinda gymnastic flip over Grimm's head twistin' outta his grip then she pokes him in the eyes.

" @!%&^% tricked like a blamed Yancey Streeter." The thing holds his hands over his eyes. While the girl I mean Batgirl looks like she's tryin' ta find a weakness she can exploit.

Me I had my own problems The Kid wouldn't stop usin' his speed. “Look pal! You're just gettin' me mad I'm pretty sure ya know what does so knock it off!"

He stops and looked like he transforms in to the 4th level. ‘Well I’ve been beat up a lot lately maybe I'm strong enough to take you!"

He punches my jaw so hard I see stars for a second. Next shot sends me inta the air. He appears behind me and smashes me hard into the ring. Damn it this kid is pretty damn strong.

The ref starts countin while the Boy is dumb enough to look inta the hole. " Hey Kid here's rock dust in yer eye."

While he's tryin' ta get that stuff out, I Let him know how it feels ta be a punchin' bag. I then grab his tail and use it, as a hand hold to body slam the kid inta the ring several times before I'm blasted in the face.

“Don’t touch the tail! Only Cass gets to touch my tail! Final Flash!" The blast ruined my suit, and messed me up good, I don't know if I can get mad enough fast enough to beat this kid, than again he doesn't seem to have his Veg Head's stamina, probably too much junk food.

Now if he'd just give me a second to heal we can start this fight up again.

The Thing tosses part of the ring at him the kid while ingnorin' his girlfriend. When the kid turns to blast Grimm I leap up and smack him towards the big dumb rock pile.

“Now my millions and millions of frantic fans are on their feet, because it’s Clobberin' Time! The Thing mouths off luckily he had the time to actually hit Veg Boy.

The two of us team up on him ignorin' the Batgirl Finally the two of us punch him outta the ring. His girl friend following' after him " yelling " Vincent!" Huh doesn't sound like a saiyan name.

They looked disappointed but Vince says. “Good thing you didn't keep fighting those monsters Cass no way you would have won.”

So me, and the thing get our belts, and money.

As I leave I see Vegetal. ‘So what is that kid your nephew or somethin,"

“Son." he replies.

Damn I already seen you had another daughter... man you’re going to hurt yourself making them all well I'm gone at Vegas. "

“You’re not stating for the Main Tourney?' Veg head asks.

“Nope I got what I wanted, a nice pay day." Maybe I’ll make I in time to hit the gambling' halls I think to myself.

New tag team

2009-02-09T00:25:00.000-08:00

Yeah I know I ain't been postin' in a while. The Green idiot has been doing a lot of stuff that's left me away from a computer. Well I was gonna skip the whole Boudakai thing this year, but ya know what? the Tag Team money is just too much ta pass up.

But I ain't Gonna be teamin' up wit' saiyan kiddies this time oh no. ya see a certain superhero team has been hit hit hard by the finacial crisis. So one of thier members has decided ta join up wit' me ta get half of the money. And all ya other tag teams well your time is comin' And that time is Clobberin' Time.

Yup i know We've fought more than me and Wolverine but here's the thing , I like money and he needs money I think we'll work okay together. Besides we're two of the strongest people on the planet. we'll makke the competiton pee thier pants. besides I hear two sixteen year olds won it last year. So the competition musta went down hill since I was in it.

Ya know I woulda went into the single tourney but the green idiot would be out there Since it's during the day. If I wanted the place torn apart then yeah I would stay and let greenie there, but I'd like to actually collect my check after winnin; the tag tourny. so yeah other tag teams be afraid be very afraid.

I hate playin' sidekick

2008-10-02T18:23:00.000-07:00

continued from here. Good thing

I'm gettin' paid for this. Trunks an' me are bein' treated like sidekicks by Mirai. Who's barreling into hordes a' demons. We have to watch his back.

“You guys keep up or I'm leaving you!" He growls.

We were wrestling Cerberus the three headed dog that protects the underworld.

"My sword isn't magic like yours." Trunks shouts “just normal metal so bite me!" The two of us knock the monster out.

"The strongest thing on the freakin' and I'm playing second fiddle to lavender fabio!"

Trunks grins “you think that's bad? If he didn't come back in time... I would have been him."

I roll my eyes. “Okay you win."

A new wave of demons goes after Mirai. I knock them all down with a Thunder Clap while Trunks blasts them way.

“Does he even notice he's bein' attacked from all these angles?” I wonder out loud

“No. When it comes to Vampirella he's pretty single minded." Trunks shrugs.

Mirai runs into this with this big dramatic entrance shtick knocking away some magic blade from a naked dude with his sword. “Heh looks like Vampi was a little unfaithful..." I laugh.

“Hulk! Pay attention to the demons after you!"

"Ah screw this I'm sick of all these freakin' mythological creeps they piss me off! No one will like me when I'm pissed!" I stomp the ground under us. Casuing a huge crack in between us and the denizens of Hell sink into lava.

“Yeah baby strongest one there is!" I shout.

“Yeah how do we get back?" trunks whines.

“Hey you and your other self can fly right? And I seen you're dad throw mountain sized rocks, so I'm pretty sure one of ya can carry me."

Trunks shakes his head “Mirai gets the hot vampire... and I get to carry the Hulk oh joy."

" Ain't no fun fer me either ya know what I can probably leap the whole way back ... how about I carry Vampirella, and you two can do whatever ya want?"

“Then I'd have to fish you out of the lava... So what are going to do while Mirai fights that Adam guy?"

I take out some cards. “Got any, money on ya?"

"Aw gambling? Sure why not? Texas hold'em?"

"Whatever game ya wanna lose at is fine wit' me." I grin. "Get ready ta be poor rich boy."

Looks like we're gonna be here fer a while.

Why do I take jobs from the Trunk boys?

2008-09-10T18:14:00.000-07:00

I got back to Vegas after the whole SHIELD Red Hulk debacle. I'm happy to say me, and green boy tossed the Professor back into the dark depths of Banner's head. Though Banner is still around.

I'm relaxin' here at the office, after the job from an anonymous source. I'm pretty sure I know who it was since he paid me to chase down the Juggernaut, paint his armor pink, and call him nancy boy over , and over.

I know it's you Xavier. Don't worry you can pay normal price. So I was sittin' in the office, and two Guys who look about the same one with long, hair the other with dorky hair cut come into my office.

I roll my eyes they both got lavender hair, and tails Vegeta's sons. “Hello Joe." the youngest one trunks he calls himself. smiles.

" Whattaya want?" I growl.

Mirai sneers. “We’re going to Hell to save Vampirella. We'll pay you your normal fee, plus expenses. You in or not?"

“Hmm Hell?" I think about the other job I got is to hold down the Rhino so the Vault guards can spray him wit' soap and water. That's its own special kinda Hell.

“Alright Trunk boys I'll do it." I grin.

“Please don't call us Trunk boys.” Mirai states.

“It’s either that or Girly, hair, and Girlier hair." I mean seriously look at 'em. Ya can tell they both got there looks from there mother.

“Trunk boys it is!" The younger one shouts." Mirai glares. “You’re jealous of what I had with Vampi aren't you?"

“Who aint?" I ask. We take a transport plane. And the boys. Give me a low down of the situation.

“So this imp tells ya the only way to get to this Hell is through a mirror, and ya believe 'im?"

“Cabain wouldn't lie." Mirai gripes.

“Reaper maybe not, but the imp could be. Maybe we should visit Dr. Strange..."

“There’s no time!" Mirai shouts." You're just muscle we didn't pay you to think!"

Okay then. Yeah this is gonna be a fool's errand. We fly to Dracula's castle, at guess what freaking California. There go all my preconceptions. We step out, and it Halloween early as a gaggle of vampires swarm us.

I swat knock a few away with a thunder clap while the saiyan boys blast a few others try to bite me, and break there teeth I stomp their heads. “Well that was a nice warm up." I grin.

Mirai smashes in the door, and after we run through a few corridors we find the, man himself.

He tries to talk us. “I am glad you have come.... We can go about saving... What are you doing? “Then the Trunk boys jump him, and people call me angry. All the sudden some red thing with tentacles attacks

“By the Dark One!" Dracula yells fearfully. "Lilith has unleashed that thing to stop you from saving my beloved! It's too powerful none can withstand it."

It starts wrapping around me with those things " Aw hell no!" I scream using my strength against it starts laughing.

“Fool! I can feel great power within you! But I eat power so just keep madder, and I'll become stronger!"

Dammit! I ain't goin' out like a funny color haired Japanese school girl! I ...I... I...

The monster Gasps. “Your power, it's surging what? What is happening? Your color it's changing!"

“Puny tentacle monster... You may be strong but no one is as strong as Hulk! Hulk will smash Puny Monster!"

TBC

Robots and Red Hulks

2008-07-28T21:40:00.000-07:00

She taunted me with the Death of Caiera. Two Hulks came out of Banner's psyche. They became one. I fought in the arenas of Sakaar. I defeated the Red King. I was called the Green Scar. And this puny cybernetic woman thinks she can just get away with trying to torture me.

She screams, and begs. "Ah, so now that you're fighting me in the real world it’s a whole different tone isn't it freak!" I grab her by the throat.

She suddenly turns." Thank you foolish Monster! Dr. Kate Basil was keeping me locked away from too long, her fear allowed me to free myself. Now that you have served your purpose you will be terminated!"

Her hands turn into metal claws, and she tears into my skin. After I let her go she blasts me several times. Leaving big holes in my body.

“That’s the problem with Banner..." I growl. “Banner has always been a sentimental fool. He thought he could save ya. I know better. Year a monster like me. The only cure for your evil is to kill both of ya."

I punch her out through the cell. “They thought this cell was strong enough to hold me? Ha!"

“You will be terminated!" The robot screams. She smacks my jaw. She tries to snap my neck I thunderclap knocking her away. “All the wounds she gave me heal.

I was about to finish her off when the Red Hulk grabs me from behind. "Time to kill you Puny Banner!"

The robot laughs. “Looks like you're busy I'll leave you two alone." The TX gets away into the night. Damn the Red Hulk has pissed me off for the last time. I break his hold.

"You're actually fighting back? After the ass kicking I gave you last time?” Red Hulk Laughs.

“You didn't fight me the last time, you fought the dumb Hulk. I'm the Hulk that crushed the Sentry, and whose power caused Earth quakes all over the Northeast! Let's see you stand up to my rage you fake!" He didn't

He fell bleeding at this time SHIELD gathers around. “Good work Doctor Banner!" Iron Man claps me on the shoulder. "The Doctor is out." I respond. Slamming his ironclad face into the dirt. “Oh and you can take your Registration Act and put it where the sun don't shine! I'm gonna warn ya all. Leave me alone, or else!"

I leap as they fire their lasers, then I hear them screaming as they battle they fight Red Hulk. Serves 'em right.

A few hours later a skinny dark haired man is seen hitchhiking in nothing but torn pants. The people who pick him up notice the quiet man looks totally defeated. Dr. Banner thought all the Hulks were merged with his own Psyche, instead he may now have a third maybe a fourth Hulk in his brain.

He can hear them all talking in their different voices waiting for either the night, or for some fool to make him angry. He thinks about Dr. Kate Basil, and how lucky she is that she only has one dark half.

Hulk is Free!!!!!

2008-07-13T21:05:00.000-07:00

Stupid Samson helped Puny Banner, and Smart Hulk Lock Hulk and grey Hulk in dark place. Now Smart Hulk wants to lock up Hulk's friends, dumb magician, and Shiny Man, Bird nose, Cat girl, and Sword Girl. Hulk doesn't think they can get Fishman,

Hulk used to be mad at magician, but Hulk can't remember why. Hulk is locked in dark place with Grey Hulk. Grey Hulk keeps making fun of Hulk. Hulk wants out.

After long time in Dark place Hulk sees girl, girl that is not girl, but robot, she somehow got into dark place. “Try to keep me locked up will you Dr. Banner?” Robot girl growls. “Prepare to deal with Dreamweaver."

Robot girl turns into monster.

She makes Banner remember bad, stuff. His father hitting him, and killing his mother. Him pushing Rick out of way of green blast that made Hulk. Betty dying. Finding out abomination did it.

Caiera dying and Sakaar exploding. Makes Hulk mad, and the Madder Hulk gets stronger Hulk becomes. Hulk smashes cell open, and runs at monster girl. Monster girl looks surprised. “The Hulk! Banner said you were gone!"

“Banner was wrong! No one can make Hulk go away!"

She makes monsters, and makes Hulk's enemies appear. She laughs. “All the things you fear Hulk! Cower before... Why aren't you afraid?"

“Bah!" Hulk shouts. “Hulk is afraid of nothing! Hulk is the strongest one there is!"

Hulk attacks monster girl, but Monster girl cuts Hulk with claws. We start to wrestle. Hulk getting stronger but she's still strong. “Hey!" Grey hulk yells. “Lemme out!"

"You are Hulk's enemy!" Hulk reminds him.

" No I ain't! Look you might beat her, but if ya lemme out we'll both defeat her quicker!"

" You want to keep Hulk here! So you can be in real world!" Hulk growls.

" I don't like the day pally. You can have it. I want the nights, lemme out, and we can put the Prof, and Banner in here what do ya say?"

For some reason Hulk feels pain in head, and Hulk get image of this fighting Smart Hulk.

" I don't know what you're trying to lock in that cage Banner, and I don't care! You're going to die! Maybe I'll let it out."

" Hulk it's that red pretender! Ya gotta trust Big Joe! Lemme out, and we'll beat sky, and then the Red Hulk!"

Hulk smashes cage! " Aw yeah Big Joe Fixit is back in business! Alright Terminatrix time to face the Hulk tag team!"

TBC

The Professor: New career.

2008-07-04T20:41:00.000-07:00

Leonard Samson helped once again to reintegrate the various Hulk personalities. Since I registered, and have forced other so called "Superheroes" to do the same since it's the responsible thing to do despite my alter ego Joe Fixit using it as an excuse to line his pockets.

Fury had asked me to help with the freeing of Australia. But Iron Man made a better offer. “You could be the big dumb muscle man for Fury's campaign, or you can use your scientific mind in research, research which could save the world."

I have to admit he had me intrigued. “Okay Stark... I'll look into this but I swear if this leads to me being banished off planet... I'll smash you."

“One World War Hulk was enough believe me." He shakes his head. “Don’t worry I'm not playing any game."

He takes me to West City California, where I'm asked to take my Banner form. While looking over her notes I notice her I notice Dr. Kate Basil's Looking strangely at the two of the teenagers running around the house here, the other dimensional teen version of Tony Stark, and Wolverine's clone.

For a second there I thought I saw a hint of jealousy. I ignore it. And Confer with Dr. Basil, “So you have been trapped with the terminator robot for some time? Lucky you haven't been killed by one of these superheroes, until we can separate you, we’ll put you into a cage that not only The Hulk can break out of. There will be no technology inside and an electromagnetic field so she can't escape ... hopefully."

I took my real form to help build the cage a few miles away from the Legacy house with a few others watching. Probably to make sure I didn't go bezerk. No matter how much I assure them that the days of Hulk rampages are over they'll never listen.

The Hulk is Gone but the Puny Humans never listen. While I did this,
Kate talked to Logan with boobs.

I asked her after the conversation, if she was ready to go.

" Yes time to go."

I look at her, "Don't get your hopes up to much. It could take years to find the answer you seek... You may even not find them. For what it's worth.... I understand."

“How?"

I take my real form. '' All of the sudden I hear “LET HULK OUT!!!!!!"

“Did you hear that?” I ask looking around.

“Hear what?" She shrugs.

“Never mind."

gettin' paid

2008-05-05T12:38:00.000-07:00

So I'm lookin' to get Heroslayer I faked bein' a superhero and lured him out Unfortunately I also broke Vegeta's kids car and had to pay the two girls with new cars to silence 'em. ,I'm takin ' that money outta Slayer's hide I can't wait for the Million dollar Bounty that luthor has promised. He kept usin' all these fun little weapons and crap that well they annoyed me.

I mean come on, if the military can't take me down what's some guy in a fright mask gonna do? Well I found out when he shot me with some kind of gamma gun. it burns and makes fall on my knees. " You should have never tried to face me Hulk! Now you'll die like all the rest."

Really who has this guy actually killed? A bunch of z listers and a sick Superboy clone? He's messin' with the A list now. And he made his first mistake , yeah the Gamma is hurtin' me , but it's also makin' me stronger it's like attackin' Superman with a sun lamp.

I thunder clap and knock loser across the horizon. I leap after him, and tear him out of his armor. " I'm gonna crush ya. Ya shouldn't have made me mad punk."

A voice interrupts me before I smash the loser. " Joe ? How much are you getting paid for this?"

I turn on the interloper It's Deathstroke. " What? You wantin' Luthor's Bounty too?"

" No last time Luthor paid someone it was all fake, but if you want a million here."

He throws me a suitcase. " Okay, and you're doin' this why?"

" Hero slayer owes me, and I always collect on my debts, and now he owes me even more to accept the money to leave him alone?"

I shrug " Yeah why not I'm in this for the moolah anyway. he ain't one of my enemies yeah have fun ya bought yerself a Heroslayer."

I don't know what he wants with 'im and I don't care i got my money so I'm out.

Needin' some money... Or Joe Fixit rides again.

2008-04-13T17:58:00.000-07:00

Okay the SHIELD guys tell me that the vengeful personality that did the whole "World War Hulk" thing has submerged again, and are lettin' me work for 'em. Not that I trust Stark as far as Banner can throw him.

Here's the problem: SHIELD don't pay all that much. And really i'm still a freelance guy, And the bills have been piling' up while i was locked up in Gamma Base. I need some money.

Let's see what offers I got : presidential candidates want to kill each other: No.

Some people called the Dreadnoks or somethin' or other wanna kill take out Professor X. Well me and Baldo gotta deal now. I don't mess wit' him, and his buddies don't send me to another planet.

That an' Chuck is a good paying customer. So I ain't killin' off the hand that feeds me. Let's see what else? Ah there's a million dollar bounty on some chump called Heroslayer.

An' From Lex Luthor too, well now this'll be good. He's loaded. I bet this Heroslayer loser will be an easy mark. Heheheh.

A new Hulk

2007-11-25T20:44:00.000-08:00

Stupid Banner makin' me refuse takin the Bruce Cain job. Eh then again it probably fer the best since Vampi's wuz hurtin' and it all turned out alright. But still work has been a little slow lately since the whole World War Hulk thing.

Take over one city and beat up the Illuminati and people get all pissy. Now you people enjoyed those gladiator games as much as I did, and come on I beat the Sentry for crap's sake! That punk's been needing someone to take him down a peg for some time now.

Any way never mind all that. I hear there's a pretender runnin' around callin' himself the Hulk. A red Hulk who ain't Banner, I mean me.

Look Red why don't cha get your own name huh? Because there is only one Incredible Hulk. An' ya ain't him! Ya don't wanna see how i deal wit' copyright infringement. i don't call lawyers I smash! So ya better hope I don't catch ya!

Stupid fake!

Fightin' Along side Wolverine.

2007-10-28T15:32:00.000-07:00

So I found leapin' around like an idiot didn't find Wenidgo at all. And I guess ed If it was after Wolverine since it wasn't comin' after me. So I did what What most people do in a jam, I went inta an Internet cafe, and googled Logan's many names.

Seems A James Logan has a cabin out in Alberta, And there's been reports of a short hairy man harassing' the locals. When I leave I see people lookin' strange at me, huh. Ya'd think they'd never seen a seven foot tall grey man in a suit before.

I leap there, and find Fuzzy, Wendy and a babe all fightin' it out. Then I notice who the babe is that Ishikawa dame from the Oike Gallery in New York. Who knew she had those kinds of moves? the problem is Wendigo is tough. he kept tearing' me and Logan open.

And the chick while fast was startin' to slow down. We tired the Fastball Special, and I miss it. Lucky I get madder. Makin' me stronger, and I finally start hurtin Wendigo while Logan And Ishikawa stab'im in the back .

Then while it reels I hit 'im with a tree.

" Did that do it bub?" The runt asks.

The monster shatters the tree, and yells "Wendigoooo!"

" Nope."

Ana does Somethin' she calls Qi, or Ki, or key. And he's stunned. " Alright Logan let's try the fastball special again!"

" No way !" he growls "Ya missed last time on purpose And I ended up slammed inta those trees I'm gonna be pickin' splinters outta my teeth for weeks!"

I laugh. " Yeah I really did that on purpose, because i really enjoy Wendigo rippin' me apart that's so much fun."

" You idiots!" Ishikawa, grouses. " I can't hold him like this all day! "

I grab Logan and toss him. He goes through Wendy makin' a big Logan sized hole in his chest. Then Wolverine slams into the trees again. " Dammit!" he complains as I chuckle.

Wendigo is down for the count, and I call department H. threy come to secure him, but it seems Logan has called Dr. Strange.The Doc did some kinda mumbo jumbo and Wendigo turned back into his human form. Problem is the spirit is still wanderin' woods waitin' for someone else to possess.

Well don't matter ta me I got my payment for this mess.

A huntin' I will go!

2007-10-18T02:10:00.000-07:00

Ok I'll just say one thing i wasn't one of the super villians that helped kill the flash kid. I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And yeah I beat up that annoyin' Kon-El but so what?

Now that I got that squared away. Up here in the Big Whilte North Of Canada is the last place i woulda expected to get a job. I mean I didn't come here by choice . Banner was just tryin' to get me out of civilization.

So maybe in a way I owe that Super Brat for getting' Brucie mad and lettin' me out.
Oh yeah the job, Something called Department H Found me after the incident, and offered me twice my normal fee to capture something.

I laugh and say I'm yer man until they tell me it's The Wendigo.

the green hulk fought this thing several times he's tough. Hell once Greenie fought him and Wolverine at the same time.

But ya know I jumped at the opportunity. Because the best way to show the world I'm better than that green doofus is to defeat his ol' enemies and' do it better. But ya know it's weird. After i walk into the woods I find he ain't comin' after me like he usually does.

Well when I say me I mean green Hulk. Don't matter I'm the same guy except fer the fact i gotta brain, so that slobbering drool monster should be after me by now. Then i start thinkin' no way .. could I be he's after someone else ? What a weird coincidence if that runt is out here too.

Guess Instead Of That big furry coming after me I gotta go after it. Well looks like I better start leapin' .

Black mask fixed almost literally

2007-09-06T21:19:00.000-07:00

Yeah I know I ain't been that busy in while. It kinda has to do with two things, first That other personality of mine deciding he was going to hold New York hostage Startin' a war.

An' second I kinda been partying with Hercules a lot.

Poor Banner has been wakin' with strange girls an' hangovers heh. But looks like I need ta come back and make some money. What sucks is the first job I got was from a little kid, and it's beat up the Cluemaster, and find Black Mask if he's alive and torture him good thing I got half the money up front.

OK Cluemaster was easy a little too easy, he cried , peed his pants and fainted, so he got the message stop tryin' to take my client's kid. Next I ran around Gotham beating up gangsters and the like until I found out Black mask is back to life, and tryin' to take over Gotham's underworld.

I find his base go through a tidal wave of gangsters and bullets. You know ya'd think when people see that bullets bounce offa me and that all they are doin' is hurting their buddies that they'd stop shooting. Well guess what no they don't.

So a lot of mobsters got hit from "Friendly Fire. "

When I finally catch this girl torturing douche bag I see he's a rip off The Red Skull.

Of course he tries to shoot me, moron. I take him to a place I already set up, for this.

" What are you going to do to me monster?" He yells.

I grin. " I'm gonna torture ya. But I ain't gonna ta use drills , and crap ya did I got more imagination. Abominatrix come in!"

" Raaargh! You no order Abominatrix grey Hulk looking man!" She shouts.

" Yeah, but I wanted ya to meet yer new boyfriend. "

" Snoo Snoo! Snoo Snoo!" The ugly freak shouts.

" She doesn't mean what I think she means?" Black Mask cries.

"Yup!" i turn on a radio with Bon chiccka wow chicka wow music going. While Aboinatrix starts singing, "Abominatrix been feeling fine baby!"

I took a picture when the ugly green thing crushes his ribs, that oughta get me my money As fer the rest ya can't pay me enough to watch what Abominatrix is gonna do to him. If he's lucky he may just get outta this with a crushed pelvis. If not she 'll tear him apart

I don't care either way. Mai Tai's at the bar are on me!

Stupid Greenie

2007-07-15T21:37:00.000-07:00

After the Green Hulk Left the Saiyan place. I woke up in a desert. I thought It was Nevada or somethin' and was pretty glad I could just leap over to Vegas, Until I found There was more desert than there usually is when I'm in Nevada.

I later discovered I was in the freakin' Sahara. And then the day came, and I woke up in Latveria. Yup the same Latveria that Doc Doom rules. He wasn't too happy ta see me since last time he saw me and Vegeta captured him after bein' paid by Reed Richards.

So I escape, smashin' most of Doom's defenses, and end up leaping to an area where it's Day time Next thing I know I'm In Antarctica! Damn it! I would get a map for that green moron, but I'm afraid, he'd fold it up , and wear it as a hat.

Gah! How do I get back to Vegas from here?

Hulk Smash Puny Monkey men!

2007-05-29T00:15:00.000-07:00

Stupid Capeman! He made fun of Hulk! Told lies about Hulk! And Hulk smashed him good!

But then funny haired Monkey Men jumped on Hulk. They tried to to hurt Hulk but Hulk threw them off! Capeman is gone somewhere. What does Hulk care Hulk has others to Smash!

They try to use their strength on Hulk but Hulk Smashed though them! Then they start running so fast so Hulk Can't see them . And they start beating Hulk. Hulk Use thunder clap And they all fall grabbing there ears. All the rest of people in island try to fight Hulk They were stronger for a while But Madder Hulk get Stronger Hulk become!

One funny hair guy who looks like someone Hulk knows but is taller, and has funny Beard tries to command Hulk to surrender. " Hulk Doesn't know meaning of the word!" Hulk shout.

" So a brave one eh?" He laugh at Hulk.

" No Hulk Doesn't know the meaning of the word but big words will not save you from Hulk!" Hulk hit stupid beard face. Make him cry it was funny. Then these two show up.

" Graar! My family dead kill all!" Yell this guy in black, that wear thunder bolt design. Another one who is weird looking Monkey man Shouts. " You hurt Daddy I'll hurt you!"

These two make Hulk mad. " Are you two making fun of Hulk? Hulk will smash you for that!"

After Hulk beat them down, All the monkey men Blast Hulk. " You think Stupid lights bother Hulk? Puny Monkey Men ! Leave Hulk Alone!!!" Hulk crush ground some fall some fly.

One shoots stupid light into air, and something happens that Hulk doesn't understand, they all turn into big monkeys.

Bah! Doesn't matter! Hulk is still the strongest one there is. One of the big monkeys steps on Hulk. Hulk tosses him off , and grabs his tail. Hulk hits other monkeys with this monkey until his tail falls off , but then Hulk looks around, all monkeys are knocked out Ha! Hulk showed them! Them! And their ugly buildings! No One can beat Hulk! No one is stronger!

Hulk is tired of fighting. Hulk will leap off stupid island with funny hairs that turn into giant monkeys! Hulk will find somewhere that Hulk can be alone.

And now a little destruction

2007-05-24T21:46:00.000-07:00

The big Black Bat hired me to cause a little destruction here on Saiyan island.

Saiayn Island kinda sucks. Except they kinds got some Ginger , And Mary Annes Though strangely some of the babes ain't really half bad lookin' once ya get past the whole tail thing.

Meh. I shouldn't just take in the sights I should be doin' some smashin' I'm big like some O' these guys get, so I painted my self flesh color and wore some saiyan armor. I set a few bombs ,on some the buildings they have there, when things start going kablooeyy the finally notice the I don't smell like them.

One of them knock me into the water, and They ae surprised at my grey skin when i come out. " Yeah well ya punks are about to meet the Incredible Hulk!"

I waded into them beating the hell outta them. yeah evreyonce in a while a few would over whelm me, but I'd just get mad, and knock 'im off. Yeah some Of thier blasts hurt, but I heal up quick, then somethin' weird happens I stop gettin' stronger, and start shrinkin'.

The last thing I see before Banner takes over is the sun risin' Dammit ! Not Now... What the? I see my self surrounded by a group of funny haired people. What has the Hulk gotten me into this time?

This Big man that all the others call king stares me over. " So this is the so called Incredible Hulk eh? A skinny mewling human, who's weakness is the sun? Pathetic!"

In my head I hear " Puny Funny Hair! Hulk Will show you to laugh at him!"

No I have to suppress the change! I have no choice but to become Fixit I won't let the other monster out too! Before I think of anything else The King Pokes me with his finger, and I black out last thing I hear is "Hulk will get you for this! Watch out Funny Hair! Hulk will Smash!"

Green Hulk is embarrasin'

2007-05-14T12:15:00.000-07:00

Well. My business had been goin' pretty well, in fact I've been hired ta help out in the whole Saiyan Smashin' thing. Now i guessed that Greenie would get jealous, and try yto start his own business, but I didn't think it would be so freakin humilatin'. Here take a look at this commercial I saw last night.

Ugh! Guacamole head! I wish Banner would stop lettin' him out, and I guess I'm gonna have ta pay Spider-Man a visit in the hospital

Well Nightwing.

2007-05-08T01:56:00.000-07:00

I guess I can't really be too mad at ya and My cousin Jennifer. Because well I just remembered something that the Green hulk when you were dating the first Batgirl.

Flash back:

" Oooh! Robin Would be so mad if he knew about this!"

"Bah! Hulk doesn't care what grown man wearing way too short shorts thinks!"

" yeah and the way That that alien whore Starfire looks at him who cares what he thanks! Oooh Hulk your so manly!"

"Hulk is manliest one there is!"

End Flashback.

Yeah I'd say we're even .

Meetin' with Stark

2007-04-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

Gettin' in ta Stark Tower was easy enough . Most of the security was robots, An I know what they need , a good Smashin'. As fer The Sentry? i found him laying on the kitchen floor cryin' Putz.

I find Stark In his room with with has what looks like Clown Makeup allover his body. And he's on the phone with someone. " Yeah Ollie turns out the bomb was some kind of Joker thing. I found the young lady responsible and punished her justly. That's right Ollie a hard spanking. "

After he hangs up the phone he smugly gets inta bed.

I zap him with some kind of brain mess up ray Koma sold me. it works just fine since when I make my appearance he can't call up the Iron Man Armor, Or Shield. Hell he can barely move or talk.

" Well Ya know Stark, I should kill ya fer all the crap ya did a me with yer Illuminati buddies. Or any number Of things ya pulled during the Civil War. But don't worry You'll live to spread STDS. I'm just here ta give you a warning . Well ya see You and my client have a mutual problem one named Heroslayer."

" Whuuut abouuut him?" Stark tries to say.

" Well my client wants 'em found and dead ASAP we all know he;'s a SHIELD agent. So maybe ya can ferret him out. If not My client will release info that about your little war profiteering during the Civil War.Now how would your Pro Reg Buddies feel about that hmmm?"

He looks down in shame. I grin " So do we understand each other?" He nods. " Oh yeah I say before leavin' Think about how easily I got in here, before ya shoot somebody off into space again, believe me Ya don't wanna a war with the Hulk."

I leap off I guess only time will tell How Stark takes this.

A call from Deathstroke.

2007-04-08T19:59:00.000-07:00

It's not often that I go to meet someone about a job but I was curious as to what Deathstroke the Terminator wanted. If it's take out Deadpool it's I'm there. So I wen into this big ass wooden "T" in New york and tried my best to ignore the giant pictures of his kids behind him.

"So Whattya wantin' me to do?" I start when this thing comes running in .

"ME no want to do this! Me cost you lots of money no like Joe Fixit!"

" Ok what is that thing?"

He sighs " That's Match. Go to your room now!"

" Me go to my room.

" How come he ain't goin'? "

" It's complicated. He'll be punished for this later. I was wanting to know how much would it cost for you to have a word with Tony Stark."

" Yer in luck, There's a discount for goin' after Stark. Let's just say we have history. So what's the word? huh?"

Bat Meme!

2007-04-05T03:43:00.001-07:00

I'm just a little bored, so here's a meme from Here.

The first one is this.

An' here's another.

Overminded.

2007-03-15T00:30:00.000-07:00

I got Vegeta ta follow me in on this last one.

I fought this Overmind guy, back when I was in the Defenders. Well greenie did.Guy's tough. But the two of us should be able to take him. He used his mind powers to hide out in plain site in one of New York's best hotels.

When we go in all the tourists and staff attack us. " The Hell?" Shouts Vegeta. " Out of the way Humans! Or suffer the consequences!"

I thunder clap knocking em all out of the way. " Don't waste yer time on 'em their just pawns any way. All Of them mind controlled. "

" Hmph!" He exclaims. " Let us get this over with." At the penthouse we find our target.

" Hulk! You and your friend are not going to take ,me In! " He declares. " They want to put me in that Negative Zone Prison, while some of the Thunderbolts get put in a Suicide Squad type team. And you Hulk . as as well as you Vegeta have given them their last members, Bullseye , and Venom."

" And ya know this why?" I ask.

" My Mind reading ability. I'll warn you once leave, and you won't get hurt. "

" Bah!" Vegeta declares. " You are the one who has to prepare to be hurt funny hat! "

Before he can make a move I punch him in the face, Damn it! He's in my head! As the Saiyan Prince is knocked away into the skyline from my shot, He puts the thought in my mind that I gotta kill him. Damn it!

Venom

2007-03-06T17:27:00.000-08:00

Ya know I thought That the name Venom was familiar. Turns out,I or rather the so called "merged Hulk." fought him before.

So I was expecting a good fight outta this. But Venom looks different now. An' when I found him he was robbin' a bank. Boy how the mighty have fallen. I mean he used to be some kind of vigilante.

Now he's robbin' banks? That's just a big disappointment. " Yo! " I yell. " Hey! Evil Spider- Man! Yer gonna go back inta custody rather ya like it or not!"

He leaps over me. Dodges, my hay maker then webs me up. Ugh! I keep gettin' suits ruined this way.

Ugh! This stuff sticks worse than than Spider-man's stuff. And it tears my shirt pullin' off. Why do I even bother? Good news is the Bounty I get fer venom will give me enough money to get another one.

The problem is he slashes through my chest with claws. Man! This is gettin' a little tiresome. How many clawed guys are out there? " We don't know who you are Grey man! But You will pay for interfering with us!" Venom slobbers.

I notice the guy's voice kinda sounds like I heard it before, and I don't mean from Venom. Is there a different guy in this costume? Don't matter, I Feint a blow, that he dodges, and I catch him with a right, knocking him inta the bank vault.

He shrugs it off. "The last guy in who was attached to the symbiote, took punches from the Juggernaut!" He gurgles. " Your shots aren't even going to affect me buddy! No one short of the Hulk can hurt me!"

Heh. That makes me grin there. Given I am the Hulk. He leaps on me and lands a right cross on me jaw. Each punch after hurts a little less. Until I grab him by the neck and slam ugly into the pavement.

when he gets up I punt him into a teller's desk. I then pick up the vault door he tore up and slam him with it. I laugh. " What was that about me not bein' able ta hurt ya?"

She shreds the steel door. Kicks me in the jewels then starts webbing me in a
cocoon. The stuff starts gettin' in my mouth, and nose. Ok All this just gets me madder.

I tear through the gunk, and growl " Yer goin' down toothy!"

He looks scared for a second then tries to jump at me again. I thunder clap, and the suit starts meltin' and the guy inside screams.

" So That's yer weakness eh?" I smile.

" Kill You!" He mumbles at the edge of conciseness.

" Nah! But ya do getta free song If yer happy and ya know it Clap yer hands!" Thoom!

" Arrrgh! " Venom shrieks.

" If yer happy and ya know it, then yer face will surely show clap yer hands!"

Thoom!
Thoom!
Thoom!
Thoom!

All the claps. put him down. and the symbiote melts offa the guy Ah man! I though I recognized the guy's voice! It's Mac Gargen The Scorpion! So I was fightin' Venom lite.

While I shake my head in disgust. The oozing thing gets up and tries to attach itself to me.

I try pullin' it off that ain't happenin'. So outta desperaation I thunder cllap right in front of my face. I keep doin' it until the alien falls off and gathers in a puddle, at my feet.

That was too close a call. I call in SHIELD, and weirdly they let the suit rebond with Gargen, and before puttin' him in shackles. Eh what do I care? I got my money.

A lame ThunderBolt

2007-02-26T02:39:00.001-08:00

Not really lame I guess If yer Deadpool or sumthin'. The guy in question is the Taskmaster.

His power is he can copy any kind of movements a person does. Like karate kicks, and stuff. So He can pretty much do all the stuff that Daredevil. Hawkeye, Capitan America, and others can do.

And he has the misfortune to fight me.

Everyone should pretty much know what my powers are by now, but in case yer livin' under a rock or somethin. I guess I'll tell ya. I'm strong real strong. Madder I get stronger I become.

I heal fast. Even faster than Wolverine. Also I'm pretty hard to hurt. I won't even go itna the ghost seein' thing. Ok so I tracked him down to his lair . Took down his cannon fodder students.

And we begun fightin'. Well Ya can't really call it a fight. he jumped me, used a bunch of chop saki moves. And he smacked in the face with his shield. Though he used moves from Captian America the shield was made of aluminum or something and dented on my face.

I knocked him out by hittin' him with my middle finger. Yup that was it all there was too it. A pretty easy night's work. It took about fifteen minutes . I think I'll spend the rest of the night in some casinos do some recreational gambling with the money I made.

I hope the next One I fight gives a challenge. Some mook named Venom.

Strikin' back at Deathstrike.

2007-02-14T21:18:00.000-08:00

I gotta tip that she's hooked up with the Hand. Whelp I'm goin' there by plane in a route that's night the whole way So I don't have to worry about, changin' to Banner.

After the plane lands I get ta work, finally findin' The Hand Temple after a couple O' hours. And guess who I find inside? Yup Deathstrike.

" Who are what are you? what do you want?" She asks.

" Name's Joe Fixit ,girl. You gotta jail sentence waitn' for ya stateside."

" It will keep on waiting Gajin!" She screeches, slashin' through my chest.

" Aw man Another shirt one!" I say "Oh well I can buy another one offa the bounty for you!"

She cuts me a few more times. I knock her away an' start throwin' things at her.

" Ya can't slash me from far off ! But I can use my power at long range!"

She starts laughing. " You don't study up on your targets do you behemoth?" Her arms stretch out an' go through my guts. Damn adamantium. I grab her arms and Pull 'im outta my chest.

Then I slam her into a pillar she's nice and knocked out. Then a buncha ninjas jump me. Ninjas against me ? Yeah right! I rub them offa me , like bugs. All those swords, knives, and sticks, just annoyed me.

Then some chick In red threatens me.

" I am Elektra leader of the Hand. Leave now Creature, and you can leave with your life!"

I smile " Don't know who ya talkin' to do ya hon?"

" No. Apparently neither do you. Or you would know the Hand is allied with dark forces. This thing appears from no where a weird lookin' demon. It shots me with some kinda Hand blast thing that makes me feel all cold inside .

It then drags me into the shadows

Elektra laughs as the creature does Telling Fixit what it's going to do him, and his soul. Her joy turns to confusion , as the Monster starts screaming. She's horrified when it comes limping out then returns to the smoke from whence it came.

" How No one is that strong..."

I come out of there healin' from the demon damage. " I am I'm the strongest one there is."

The girl's eyes go wide as she realizes just who I am. " I-impossible." She mumbles. Deathstrike who just recovered tries to rip me again.

" What I can't cut you?" She exclaims. " But I did so a while a go."

I grin." I'm madder now. " I knock her out with my index finger.

Girl in red tries to sound threatening again." You may have won this time!But You have made powerful enemies, even more powerful than the monster you pretend to be!"

" Yeah yeah I heard that before Lady!" I turn an' all of them but Death strike are gone. well. I take Deathstrike to the local SHIELD office. I get my money,an' head for home.

Yup, 'm gonna be celebratin' with this money. I'll even invite Kristy to make up for missin' this wedding thing.

I gotta hole in my wall

2007-02-02T20:20:00.000-08:00

I've been livin' by myself here fer some time , and I ain't gotta hole in my wall from myself or the normal fightin' I do. but Ya know I let Vegeta , and that runt Logan stay here durin' the their time In Vegas the race.

That was a mistake that caused the aforementioned hole in my freakin' wall. Looks like that whore Draculina sent the Trunk Boys after me. Ya wanna know what's up between us?

Well ok. Ya see The Vegas PD every once in a while pays me when a super powered threat shows up. Well I could never prove it but She was drainin' patrons at that skin bar of their blood.

Not that I really need legal authorization to take her out. Which I did . Problem is with those damned Draculonains they keep comin' back. ( I mean Vlad And your sister Vampi yer alright.)

Well from what I hear Vegeta beat his kids, and sent ' em home. I wouldn't know since this happened during the day. I had Banner on so many sedatives that ww3 couldn't wake him up.

Hey he knew the rules quit tryin' ta cure himself , and he gets freedom. Well he violated ' em and now I don't let 'im have freedom. Well I here Wolverine was useless as usual. The runt slept 'till noon.

So I get vegeta ta pay me back by helpin' take down the last of the Thunder bolts after he gets outta the race.

Fade to Grey

2007-01-10T08:50:00.000-08:00

When last we left The incredible Hulk in Kodiak's blog the emerald man monster was recipient of a punch so mighty it rocked the town of Vegas The Hulk was knocked into space then he crashed to the planet creating a huge crater.

Watch True believers as The Hulk gets up in a rage, but then he notices The sun set.

" No! Not fair! Hulk wanted to smash Him. Not...."

The behemoth falls then transforms into The smaller , but meaner Joe Fixit.

" Man I don't know what Kodiak's beef with greenie, But when I beat That mutie, People are gonna stop comparing' me to Salad Brain. "

I leapt around the city 'till I find 'im . " Hey Red ! Don't look now! " He turns. " I said Don't look now!" I plow intro 'im with my feet.

He slashes my chest. " Hulk is that you?"

" What? Just because I'm grey , and have more than a ten word vocabulary people just assume I ain't the Hulk. Here let show ya I am. " I unleash a haymaker on his jaw that lands him, on some billboard That has this kid eating cereal.

He the thing he hit was the spoon part, and it bent back and flipped him across skyline into a fountain In front of a casino. He spits out water and replies " Yup your the Hulk alright."

I jump in an' put his head under the water. He gets bigger, and tosses me off . He charges me I duck a clothes line , give him a shot in the ribs . His massive forearms grab my neck, and he starts chokin' me out. I pick him up and suplex Kody into a car.

When he gets up I poke one of his eyes with my index finger while he's recovering I elbow him in the head. As he gets to his knees I kick him Makin ' a huge trench through the strip.

The big man heals. " What the? He's somehow tricky all the sudden? I guess that more than his skin color changed. "

I jump Over to him. " Ya got that right sucker!" Too bad for me He sinks his claws into my gut. It'll take a second to heal, less if I get really mad. Still I gotta He ain't gonna give me that second.. I tear a A hole into the pavement and fall into the sewers beneath.

He follows me. " Hiding? This isn't like you Hulk!"

" I aint't hidin' I just wanna show you that gas mane!" I pop out behind him and toss him into it. It explodes just like I counted on . I crawl out into the night. I notice a bunch O' clouds are blocking out the moon. Great That means I'm gonna get even stronger and have less of Banner's wimpy influence. Well that and I'm pretty ticked. I heal almost instantly.

Kodiak springs out of the hole Healing from the third degree burns. " I'm going to kill you!" He screams. He grabs my hands Then we're in a classic test of of strength. He keeps getting bigger, but When he actually gets strong enough to hurt me I get madder , and match him.

We're doing this for thirty few minutes, when I finally just decide to knee him in the groin. While he's howling I say. " Hey Looks like ya need to put some water on those wounds of yers. How about I send ya over to one of my favorite watering holes? "

I punch him into a strip club I sometimes bounce for. When I find him his wounds , and burns are gone. He grabs me by the neck and it looks like he may break it when he notices all the nude women around him.

This distraction is all I need to grab his face , and toss him through the roof. He lands just where I want him the construction site him , and Gucamole Skin fought at earlier.

Kodiak, Tosses a crane at me. The heavy machinery crumbles burying me. Now most people would either be dead or trapped. Most people ain't the Incredible Hulk. I bust outta the wreckage, with a wrecking ball on a chain. The machine had on it.

I smack The giant with it in the face a few times. He catches it, and crushes it in his bear hands ( That ain't a typo just a bad pun.) I realize what comin' next, and I roll with the blow. Leaping backwards into to the perfect position.

" Alright Red ! No more playin' now I'm just gonna stand here, an' the two of us are gonna slug it out! C'mon ~! Whattya waitin' for? Chicken?"

That got 'im he roared and ran at me with a full head of stem, To bad I side stepped hit him in the back Of the had , and knocked him just where I wanted him.

" What what is this? " Shouts Kodiak.

" Wet cement ." I grin. " Gettin' a sinkin' feelin' there Kody? Well I guess you'll be at the bottom in a few minutes. Then as your strugglin' It'll start to harden until your in a rock coffin. Give Jimmy Hoffa my regards. "

As his head goes under I laugh. Than I realize nobody's payin' me for this. Damn !

Red haired stranger.

2006-12-27T20:25:00.000-08:00

Continued from here. Damn Leader messing with my mind the way he did. No! Emotions are bad I must not give into them. That's the way of the Hulk. Always giving in to violence and passions.

I'm a logical man, not a monster. The events of the last few days have shown me that I must use all of my energies to rid the world of the Hulk, and Joe Fixit both.

That's why I'm working on the Gamma Extractor. Just when I'm about to test it. This glow dazzles me. When I can see again there is this huge readhaired man in my laboratory.

" Who are you? " I ask. " You look familiar...But."

Meanwhile, in another Universe. The powerful being known as Khaos watches the scene. His General an alternate universe version The Angel asks " Master if your trying to determine how strong Kodiak is why would you send him to that wimp ?"

" Because Bruce Banner is more than he seems. " Khaos tells him telepathically " All that's needed is to add anger. "

The being uses the combined mental might of Onslaught, and Stryfe, to reach out across the void of space time. To make the ever Uncanny Kodiak seem to Bruce Banner to transform into the Abomination.

The red haired man suddenly becomes Emil Blonsky. The man No He's a true monster calling him a man is too good for him, that murdered my wife. My anger is unbelievable at this moment. Wait anger? Nooooooooo RAAAAAAAAARGH! YES! Hulk is free!

Hulk looks over , at machine, That Puny Banner wanted to use to kill Hulk. Hulk smashed Puny Machine! Hulk feel weird Someone in Hulk's head! Raaargh! Get out of Hulk's Mind!!!

Back in the other Universe... Khaos Is forced out the Hulk's mind violently. " I don't believe it! He pushed me out of his head, but no matter what What I wanted has been accomplished Once The Brute sees Kodiak, He'll attack him.

Hulk Look around. Big Ears is gone. All Hulk see is red haired man. Wait Hulk know him. Bear Man! " You!" Hulk yell. " Your Bear Man that act like little claw man!You tricked Hulk then acted like you beat Hulk! After that You then date Cousin Jennifer, then Break her heart!"

" Yeah that's me Hulk." Bear Man says.

" Bah! Hulk will show You ! Hulk Will smash Bear Man and prove to him That Hulk is strongest one there is!"

Santa Hulk is jolliest one there is!

2006-12-23T23:00:00.000-08:00

Hulk decided since Doom wants to dress like Santa , and cause trouble Hulk would dress like Santa, and give kids toys.

Hulk not sure why people Hulk knows wahave turned into little kids, but Hulk will give them presents anyway. Though Lil' Iron Man will only get coal He's been really bad this year.

Hulk wonder why Cousin Jennifer is crying. Probably because she got turned into little kid. Hulk Is not sure that Claw Man is really turned little he was pretty small when Hulk first met him.

Hulk wish you Happy Holidays.

Bringin' down bighead.

2006-12-18T20:41:00.000-08:00

I wake up with the Leader's Grinnin' lima bean head glarin' at me.

" Your not the Hulk I was expecting."

" Well Big green an' stupid couldn't come out an' play Leader. Ya got me instead."

" Well maybe this could help with my plans ." He leers " You'll at least know that there is no hope in struggling against me , while your Green Counterpart Would stupidly rail against me."

" Well I guess I ain't as smart as you thought I was Sterns. Because I'm about ta crush ya into jelly."

He puts his hand up in a "stop " gesture. " Look at us we were both created by the Gamma ray, we should not fight we should both rule over the inferior humans."

I laugh at that, " Yeah well I'll tell ya somethin' I have the power to get what I want already. "

He looks shocked. " That stupid building, and the women you sully yourself with are all you want? Surely you jest."

" Money ,shelter , Women, clothes , respect. That's all I need. Not all of us are megalomaniacs like You Leader."

" So sad ." He shakes his head " Unlimited power but so limited by your imagination. I will give you one more chance to join me willingly my Gamma brother."

" I ain't got no Brother. The only family I need is my cousin."

" Well it looks I'll have to force you." he pushes some button. And this massive pain Starts goin' all over my body. " I will break you Hulk!"

You'd think after all this time He'd figure it out. Pain just gets me mad And the Madder I get the stronger I become. Including' my healing ability. Finally I feel this Explosion inside And the pain stops.

" Impossible!" he shouts. " Your healing power destroyed my control device. "

" An' your Next!" I growl.

Then he shouts somethin' that confuses me. " Harpy to my aid!" Next thing I know I'm blasted from behind I turn to see her.

So Bubble brain turned the Betty Clone into a Harpy? Well isn't that special. She blasts me again. " Not even you can survive my Hell bolts! You should have bowed to my Leader."

" Sorry he ain't my type." Now this sucked. She had the range and the blasts so Ok these things are Gamma powered meaning they hurt. Then I see something I need lead shielding from a chamber where Leader conducts his experiments.

I tear a piece of it off and toss it at her. Her first instinct is to zap it which does nothing she's then smacked by it. I jump on it and wrap it around her body to prevent anymore " Hell bolts."

Again. I'm blasted from behind this time by some doo hickey The Leader Came up with. " You don't deserve the power of the Atom Banner ! So now I take it from you ! "

He was suckin' out my Gamma radiation. I was getting weaker by the second. No! No way! Am I lettin' Banner be rid of me! I charge the Leader, and by the time I get to'im I'm crawling my skin turnin' pink.

" He was putting the power into himself he was growin' lookin' all weird. " The Power The Power" With my last bit of strength I break the machine Knockin' Leader into a bunch of other tech it explodes somehow the gamma energy goes back into me .

My skin is back to healthy Grey. I'm about to leap out When Harpy screams. " Hulk! The computers you smashed their causing a chain reaction! The whole base is about to explode! Save me!"

" Why Should I?" I ask.

" I can make you feel good, just like last like the other time Please!"

I snort . " Sorry lady! I ain't into green bird women with Banner's dead wife's face." I leap out of the ceiling and away from the place before it blows up to High Heaven. Damn ! I don't know where I am or how I'll get back to Vegas. Looks like I better start leapin'

Betty

2006-12-13T19:44:00.000-08:00

I don't remember much about the mess Dr Strange got us into with the Defenders, just some kid in a Superman suit. I don't know but I'm Bruce Banner again when I wake up. In the confusion I escape from there.

For some reason Fixit has been keeping me away from Betty. Probably so he could see that brain dead girl Karen Tart. When I finally get back to Vegas. I find her in some hotel.

I ask her to lunch. After spending the whole day together I ask her. " I thought you were dead. How did you survive The Abomination's blood poisoning?"

" Let's not talk about that. " She answers " Let's go to your place."
The next few hours are wonderful. After wards, she offers me a drink, " To keep up my strength."

That reminds me to look at the clock , good a few more hours before I transform into Joe. Then I feel weak, and sick . The TV In turns itself on.

" Hello Dr Banner." Says the figure.

"Leader?" I question. I can't believe this. My head's swimming what's wrong with me?

" Now this is a first." boasts the green head on my television screen."The Hulk smarter than Bruce Banner. I thought that Jo Fixit would keep you away from my clone of your dearly departed wife, and I'd have to go with a new plan. But you obliged me by falling into my trap. It's been a while huh Bruce?"

" What do you want this time Mad man?" I try to sound more confident than I am.

He laughs. " I Want the Hulk to be agent of conquest. All these years. I've been trying to destroy him, when I should have been using him. Well That's all we have time to discuss for now My dear Doctor, since by my calculations your about to black out." He turns to the Betty clone. " If you would please bring him to me."

The last thing I hear before I'm plunged into darkness is " Yes my Leader."

The Defenders?

2006-12-05T00:20:00.000-08:00

Well I'm makin some progress in catchin' The so called Thunderbolts.I caught this dork the Porcupine, well how can ya miss the guy? When he's wearin this?

He shot spikes at me that just bounced off my skin. I knocked 'im out with my index finger. Next up was Doctor Octopus. Now this guy I don't like.

Ya see sometime back He beat up the prof with Adamantium arms. Now why the Professor Hulk didn't just grab on to one of the arms an use him as a yoyo, I don't know.

Well today I took back the reputation of the Hulk. He was bragging about how he got adamntium arms again, and how they were unbreakable. He wraps around me I then punk this loser.

"You know now that yer arms are unbreakable, that just means ya can't get away! "

I leap over the city. That's the thing about New York that 's different than Vegas, In Vegas they'll be gawkers are betters or somethin' But here in the big Apple the superfights aren't worried about unless they get near someone.

So no one notices the big Grey man with a fat octopus attached to him leapin' by. He lets go An' I grab the arms " Aw we aint done yet Octavis." I land on top a The Baxter buildin'. And I spin around like I was a fair ride or somethin'.

After he throws up he sobs he surrenders.
" Yer dang right ya do pal " I gruffly say As I tie him up to a flag pole with his arms. Upside down.

When I get my money I see Wonder tickling Doc Ock as other SHIELD agents try to get him outta the way so they can arrest Ock. Look I whisper in the Black Widow's ear " That guy needs a girlfriend." Before leapin' back to Vegas.

I see I got several job offers while I was away, that and some reports on the where abouts of some other Thunderbolts. Looks like The Punisher took care of Jack O' Lantern, and The Jester. Pfft those two were posers anyway.

The church wants me to kill the Magdelena? Uh uh I ain't a hitman. Especially not of the few people who treat me like I'm somethin' else besides a monster.

Here's an interestin' one Prof X wants me to collect some money from the Henchman. Hmmm I might just do that. Then this blindin' light surprises me. Outta it jumps Doc Strange.

" My Friend you are needed!" he states melodramaticly.

I snort "Ya got some nerve pal. Ya send me out into space then pretend we're friends?"

" He seems hurt... " It was for the greater good..."

" No! It was because you fools were self righteous, thinkin' I was some kind of danger so ya take me off the game board! That you Stark, Richards, Namor and Xavier think of the world as."

" Look you've reconciled with Professor X You can do so with me as well, or not but your needed The Defenders Are once again called into action!"

" Like I'm goin' any where with you two so ya can stab me in the back again? No way!"

Strange shakes his head. " For what it's worth, Namor was against sending you into space."

"Who's goin' to stop ya from betrayin' me again eh?" As in answer The Silver Surfer, comes out of the portal " I will." He states.

I 'd heard Surfer was Galactus' Herald again. If he left the big guy it must be serious.

" Ok but if there's any funny business I'm tearin' all three of ya both apart." I can't believe i'm doin'' this but I go into the portal with my old teammates .

First Thunderbolt: Brolly

2006-11-17T09:19:00.000-08:00

After his little sicko attack on that Bra Kid, and her boyfriend Brolly wasn't that easy to find. He crawled somewhere to heal I found the jerk in West City, at the Crime Alley Bar.

He was in a room on the top floor. Some waitress massaging him. No accountin' for taste I guess.

" Who are or what are you Grey man? " He utters. " The name's Joe Fixit. An I'm bringin' you in."

You and what army bug?"

Next thing I know a shot that would tear a normal person's head off knocks me outta the building. The problem is it just makes me mad. The Madder I get the stronger I get.

I land on my feet, and leap straight into him. My fists landing in his jaw. He falls back on a car crushing it. " That almost hurt." he laughs.

He charges me and clotheslines me in to a building. He starts trying to crush my head in his hands. I kick him in the groin. While he's clutching himself I knock him into the sewers underneath the city.

He fires some big green blast at me that explodes around a gas mane, the Hell. That engulfs me . I'm half burned into a crisp.

" Pathetic!Too bad you are not that Hulk creature I've heard so much about a creature called the Hulk on this world too bad your not him now that would be a fight."

This gets me riled up real good. " Stop comparin' me too him! I hate that!" My anger heals my wounds. I slam into this punk and knock him into the the city skyline I jump after him.

Half way too him I'm blasted by another stupid green energy bubble. " Well you made me bleed. Good for you." The sicko laughs. " That's an accomplishment. Too bad it made you sick you look a little green"

What the? I'm blackin' out he didn't hit me that hard. Puny Grey Hulk. Thinks He's strong. But Hulk is strongest one there is. Hulk glare at funny hair man. He look surprised at Hulk.

" You've changed creature." He tell Hulk. " I get it you and that grey buffoon are both The Hulk huh?"

" Fake Grey Hulk is not Hulk Funny hair man ! Hulk Is Hulk!"

" I see. You've turned as stupid as I used to be. Too bad now I'll kill you easily! Oh by the way my name is Brolly not funny haired man. "

Talk Talk talk. That's all people ever do to Hulk. Words confuse Hulk. " Hulk doesn't care what your name is Broccoli! Hulk Will Smash ! Bad man for trying to do bad things too Hulk's little friend!"

He giggle at Hulk. " That whore Princess? Bah ! That was my revenge on both the royal Family and Kakarot! Too bad I didn't win that Slut! She looks like she can bend all kinds of ways!"

" Stop talking about Hulk's friend! Hulk will shut you up for good!"

Hulk grabs him by the neck he breaks Hulk's grip and punched Hulk's nose. He then kick Hulk in tummy. Hulk hit him back hard he go through puny human big house called sky scraper Hulk thinks.

He fires big green ball of energy. Hulk slams his hands together in Thunder clap. Big ball fall apart. " impossible!" cries Broccoli.

Now it's Hulk's turn to laugh. " Hulk Can do anything!" Hulk yells. Before jumping on funny hair man Then Hulk smashes him real good. His bones crack and he cries Now he knows He's not stronger that Hulk No one is.

I wake up and the whole freakin' area looks crushed. Brolly's all broken up and bleedin' I musta done this. Though I don't remember it. A light suddenly blinds me.

it's SHIELD craft they manacle The saiyan and put 'im in some kinda cryogenic chamber. " Good work Fixit." Says some agent I've never seen before. " Here's your money."

" Wait where's Fury ?" I ask.

" He's been put away for a long time after beating up the Black Widow, Though Since Mr Tony Stark is getting better Well Agent Mirai Trunks seems to be sponsoring him to be our next director. And It looks like he'll get the job."

Iron Man Director Of SHIELD? That ain't good news for anyone.

Civil War party.

2006-11-09T19:47:00.000-08:00

I 'm here at this party, when somethin' happens. I don't know if it was the music or what but somehow I can feel another Hulk personility trying to take over.

No......

must resist......

Too late.......

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

HULK DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Destroyer put down.

2006-11-03T02:08:00.000-08:00

When I finally get to New York. I find the Destroyer beatin' the Hell out of the Red Vegeta. Good that punk was needin' it. I smack the thing offa' him. They get away like villains often do.

So here I am with this thing well it don't look like it knows what to think of me so I toss a car at it. That gets the desired response it blasts me. "Oh man !" Yell " Not another one of my suits!"

I hear that distinctive "Snikt!" Of Wolverine's claws. I turn " Ok whattya doin' here?

" Ya know Bub, ya really shouldn't wear suits in a battle." he growls.

" " yeah I don't wanna look like a skunk like ya do all the time. " I respond. " So whattya gonna do to the Destroyer? hairy, and short all over it?"

" Yer a riot Hulk." he runs up an' slashes the armor. And The armor kicks him through a jewelry store. Ok my turn. I punch it through a couple of sky scrapers. It charges me and lands a punch on my jaw cracking it. It heals .

But it does make me mad. Really mad I knock the suit into the street. It comes back up behind me and blasts me in the face. Then it slams it's hand in side my chest. I fall down.

At this moment Logan decides to be stupid again. And jumps right in front a of blast, from that visor thing on it's face. It does this too him Though I don't know how.

I laugh " You know that's a good look for ya there Logan. Ya look a lot better. "

The Destroyer turns I spear tackle him. It knocks me off then it suplexes me into a bus. I grab the street beneath it's feet. And pull it. makin' the thing lose it's footing. I then use the pavement in my hands to pummel it .

The Tin can gets up and opens it's visor perfect. I grab it and close it before it it blasts. The Destroyer collapses. Wolverine (still with half his skull exposed)sort of hobbles over to me.

" So bub , what are ya gonna do with that?"

" Don't worry freak face." I retort. "Xavier just paid me to stop it , he didn't say he wanted it. So I'm keepin' it as a trophy. "

I wrap it in metal of a car, and start leapin back to Vegas. Man this gonna make one ugly , but cool decoration.

Later when the sun comes up and Fixit reverts to Banner. " Son Goku walks around the inside Fixit's Penthouse. " hey Joe are ya here? Wanna spar you see I got this big fight coming up and woah!"

At the sound Of Goku's voice the Destoyer wakes again.

TBC In Son Goku's Blog.

Gettin' ready to fight the Destroyer.

2006-10-31T21:49:00.000-08:00

OK yeah I've been avoidin' Betty Banner. Also I've been keepin' Banner away from her by puttin' him in weird places like mountain tops , or in cages. I don't trust her I think it seems just a little weird that she shows up all the sudden alive After Bein' dead? c'mon.

O' Course Kristy ain't believin'' the fact I ain't Banner. Yeah we share the same body but I am not that weak panty waist. I don't need him but he needs me . Because with out me he'd be hiding under a bed cryin' about how mean Daddy was.

Any way I was in my bulllding' when I get this phone call. It was surpisin' that it turned out to be Professor X. I can't believe his nerve after being part of the group that sent me too space.

He made some excuses sayin' he didn't know what was goin' on in the room, It was all Reed Richards' doin' all that. I'm tired of hearin' it after all this time. I ask the prof. " Whattaya want?"

" Well Joe the Destroyer has just rampaged through my school. I was wondering if you could take care of it for me."

There are a few things that can challenge those X-kiddies. Well The Destroyer is one of'em. This robot armor thing, that needs a soul to activate it. It was made by Odin, to stop some Celestials, and the thing is a tough nut to crack. Even for me The Hulk.

I demand quadruple my usual rate, and he agrees to pay it. That shocked me a little ,it must be important for some reason , to him to take down the Destroyer. That's fine I kinda' like the "heroes " callin' me in to help with their problems.

I know they don't trust me, but they need my strength so for right now, They ain't gonna try somethin' like that again. Well as long as I keep the other Hulk's in check.

After the money appears in my Bank Account. I start leapin' to New York. I know I could have taken' a plane but it's faster for me to leap, and I don't have to watch any crappy movies. Watch out ya Hunk O' tin. I'm comin' fer ya.

My weird meetin' with Nick Fury.

2006-10-24T02:08:00.000-07:00

Banner's havin' a great time with his girl back. But does he care that she comes outta the blue? Or that she's dead? No of course not!And this guy's supposed to be a scientist.

Well ant way, Nick " One eye" Fury wanted to see me about something. Well I get there and he's babblin' somethin' about the " TX" and ' " Tasha whoever the The hell that is.

The TX I know pretty well though. " If This is about Magneto's Love toy I'll thrash her again, for a fee."

" No she's dead! I'm gonna kill that damn Robot!" he answers.

" Ok then." I shake my head. "Look Old man ! You better not have brought me here to waste my time!"

Fury finally get himself together, and says. " Look I have to get Back to the Helicarrier, Dun Dum Dugan will fill you in on why we've called you."He then hurried runs out the door Ok I'm gettin' a little annoyed here.

Dugan walks in and opens a suitcase."These are the members of the Civil; War experiment called "Project Justice Like lightning." The escaped custody during a riot."

I laugh." So lemme get this straight you put a whole bunch O' villains on you payroll to capture heroes. When they do what crooks tend to do, escape. Now you want me to catch them right?"

Dugan sighs. " Look for each one of these guys you can track down , and catch, we'll give you and whoever you work with a fair price based on how dangerous and powerful they are. Does that sound good to you?"

I snort." No, You give me my normal fee, I ain't bein' lowballed."

" He shakes his head. " The least dangerous one will be twice your normal fee, Fixit."

My jaw drops. Dugan smiles " I'll take that look as you saying we have a deal Lad."

" Wait a sec. Could you guys do me a favor?" I question

" Depends on what it is Hulk."

" Well banner's wife Betty has mysteriously popped up alive could ya guys look into it for me?"

" What? Ok sure we'd be very interested to now how she pulled off that trick ourselves."

" Good doin' business wit' ya then." I grin.

Not her!

2006-10-18T21:45:00.000-07:00

Big Joe is back in control again. And that's a good thing, considerin'that That Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator is right, it looks like the Other Hulk is touching Logan's crotch In that picture in the last post.
Yuck I'm gonna go wash that hand, in battery acid. On to more pleasant things. Kristy got a hold of me an' we were goin' out, well her darn sister had to go too. Tch! Fine.

the dinner went alright ' cept Karen kept lookin' at me diapprovingly , and askin' are you still taking money to beat up people ?"

" I dunno know girl. Are ya still datin' a homicidal maniac?" I sneer.

She puffs up " I'll have you know Cabain is now a police officer!"

" Ah so now it's legal for him, to be homicidal then?" Heh. That was a good one.

" Look here Fixit! " She screams. " You have his Father, as some kind of business partner. He's a lot worse than Cabain ever was."

I chuckle at that one. " At least he admits it, and doesn't care what anyone thinks about him, that I can respect."

Kristy kept tryin' to get us to stop fighting. As time went on . I tried ta get Kristy to go to my place Of course Karen, just hadda play chaperone. So we get there, and I get an unwelcome surprise.

" There's an old lady in your building." squeals Karen.

" Bruce who are these People?" Asks Betty, indignantly.

Karen looks around, " Where where's Bruce?"

Betty gives me the ol' stink Eye. " You didn't tell them did you Bruce?"

"Fixit, who is this?" questions Karen, tapping her foot.

" I'm Betty Banner, his wife. Ladies I'd like you to meet Dr. Robert Bruce Banner."

Karen gasps " Banner that's the name of..."

Kristy jumps up and down " Who? Who? Why won't somebody. Please tell me what's going on?"

Betty shakes her head. " Look Bimbo He's the Hulk. As in the Incredible."

Damn it! Stupid Betty First callin' Bruce then tellin' 'em who I really am. Why can't dead people just stay dead?"

I ain't joining your little war.

2006-10-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

The other day I was minding own business for once. And Tony Stark, and Reed Richards show up , and start trying to recruit me. Of all the stupid things. These two sent me out into space , then ask me for a favor?

Well When I tell them where they can stick their offer. They attack me along with Wonder man. Richards bounces at me like a ball. I pull a lamppost out the ground and hit him away for a home run I hope he enjoys whatever country he landed in heh.

Meanwhile I'm fighting with Iron man , and Wonder man.

I crushed Iron man's chest plate, and gave a special message to the Old Hollywood dork.

So after I leave them broken, and bruised. I find my self a nice little place in the woods, where I can be left alone. But do People leave me alone? Nooooooo! Capitan America, And Wolverine have to show up and mess and try to recruit me for there side. And here's my answers to both of them.

I think I'm going To wait until this war's final battle, Then I'm going to crush the winning side. That way , no one will ever mess with me again.

Beating down a saiyan

2006-09-19T03:02:00.000-07:00

Koma had appeared in front of Banner, and zapped him with a Gamma gun . He transformed into me. " Nice of Banner to stay at Xavier's mansion where I can find him, Are you the Hulk I talked to last time?

" Yeah." I mutter.

" Good,there's so many of you Will you help me save the Henchman?"

" Banner's messed up, and who said I was your errand boy Koma?"

" Oh no reason, it's just my friend is fighting vegeta , that's all." he answers.

" So?"

" He's been bragging he's the strongest in the Universe, since he beat Superman."

" Heh. Nice trying to play on my vanity. Alright Koma I'll bite. Besides that arrogant little alien has had a beating coming for some time now . Take me too him."

He opens a portal where I appear behind him. The super powered Napoleon was fighting demons, Koma appeared in front of him His little synth girl found The magdelena , and got her outta of some burning building.

Koma and the Veg head exchange some words, then He points at me and jumps through the portal dragging along Henchman, He'd better open me a portal back to Earth if he knows what's good for him.

I challenge him with "Your the one who keeps bragging he's the strongest in the Universe! Now you'll have to face the strongest one there is !"

He eats some kind of bean, and his wounds close up and he no longer looks tired.

the saiyan charges me while flying then unleashes a hay maker , on my face. I laugh " That it?" " I then show him what a punch should feel like . As I knock him out of the city.

I leap after the punk,and get blasted into the dirt. He lands all kind of kicks an d chops, and punches, I can't believe this.

" Your supposed to have beat Superman? What did he do? Slip on all the blood you were dripping all over the place?"

" Why? Do I not have my Power?" He screams at no one. " Wait ! That's it the weakling has It! Hey wimp! Give me my strength!"

Then his voice changes, " But I'm pain ting my ship pretty colors."

" The Hell? Give it too me now Or come up to Sky city and Take it!"

I ran at the nut I wasn't going to let this fight end because he decided to have a nervous break down. He blasted me I grabbed it in my hands and started pushing it towards him.

He shouted " I need all of my strength now you pale imitation of me Give it too me now !"

Then his voice changes again,." Okay fighting's icky any way take it ."

Then some kind of power comes down from a nearby satellite. He turns into that weird " super saiyan 4 " form. His blast increases in intensity, and Hurts Hulk. I mean me .

My skin is burned off Hulk heals pretty quick though. He flies at me faster than Hulk could blink. His punches crack bones , Damn it I let my arrogance over whelm me and didn't let myself get angry enough.

But Now Hulk Mad! He Hit s me with an uppercut that throws me into a mountain, it crumbles on me. He then unleashes more energy blasts. " Ha! Another one bites the Dust !" Yells Funny hair man at Hulk .

Argh! No I can't let him free... I want to beat him not Nooooo! Puny Fake Hulk, no longer in way. Funny Hair man laughs then says something like " Wait a second his power level just went up immensely."

Hulk breaks free of big rocks. " Funny hair man is strong but not Stronger than Hulk ! " Hulk tells him ." No one is stronger than Hulk Monkey guy , and Hulk will show you that ! Hulk will Smash!

I'm me again.

2006-09-14T06:43:00.000-07:00

I had made all of the Hulk's stop fighting over their differences, and unite against Onslaught . They were winning until Onslaught disappeared . When he did all the Hulks vanished, I felt their voices fill my mind , I passed out .

I wake up and a lot of the x-men are staring at me.

Storm orders " Do not move Dr Banner !"

" please Storm." I answer. " Don't threaten me, we know what happens when I get angry, and I Don't know about you but I like my self as me."

" You sniveling little worm ! How dare you speak to me like that!"

I ignore her ever since I was sent to that planet the Hulk has been in charge , except for a brief time when I freed myself. I know with Onslaught around I'll have to turn back into him soon, but I want to enjoy, being Bruce Banner while I can.

I look at Cyclops, whose hiding behind Colossus. I do not see Wolverine anywhere . Good. Him and my alter egos mix about as well as oil, and water. " Scott I would like to offer you my help."

" Do not speak to the fool ! " Screeches Storm. "I 'm leader here Banner! , and I do not trust your or the green thing you become!"

I just glare at her then I smile a Joe Fixit smile, " You can have The Incredible Hulk with you or against you what's your choice?"

I'm back or Hulk battle royal

2006-09-09T19:32:00.000-07:00

For all the time That other Hulk was on that planet, I was repressed. I don't like bein' kept in Banners Mind, and I was goin' ta show this loser just how felt about that.

" Yeah that's right, I'm Big Joe Fixit ! An' I'm back!" I say at the green gladiator Hulk. I look behind 'im Onslaught, so that explains why I'm in the same place at the same time as him.

" I'm gonna take ya down! Then I'http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.spell.gif
Check Spellingll be top dog!" I challenge.

The other Hulk turns his back on me . " I don't know what kind of trick your pulling here Onslaught, But it's not going to work! I'm still going to smash you into bite sized pieces."

No one ignores Joe Fixit! I Punch him in the back. He elbows me in the nose.

" So your not just a hologram huh? Or maybe the crab man is using his telepathy to make me think your actually hurting me. Either way your going down fake boy."

" I'm as much the Hulk as you are buddy!" I say throwing a hay maker he catches, he crushes my fist then lands a shot in my jaw that throws me through a wall. " Ya just don't get it do ya. The madder I get the stronger..."

He interrupts" Oh shut up! Even if somehow you are Fixit , It doesn't matter We have the same powers , and I can madder a lot faster than you, besides I start off from a lot higher base than you do !You have no chance against me!"

He grabs me and puts me in a head lock. Then he moves his arms an' starts squeezin' my head. A voice that sounds very similar to ours " Is that any way to deal with is a part of us? Well your all just a part of me any way, and it's time I retook control of my mind. "

We turn to see the Professor Hulk.

The Gladiator Hulk let's me go " What is this? This is your life? Look On slaught throw all the aspects of me you want! It's still gonna end the same way me crushing your armor."

Prof. Grabs Glads, " No one can stop the Onslaught!"

Glads looks surprised. " Oh yeah Onslaught did use you as a pawn once didn't he?" Glads smacks Prof. " That won't stop me none of this will stop me! Your all fake ! I'm the real Hulk!"

A growl comes from no where. The the wall of the mansion is knocked down and, We're all shocked to see Salad Brain, comin, outta a storm.

" Your not Real Hulk! Hulk is Hulk! Hulk will smash all of you puny fakes!" He jumps on me first after battling for a little while I figure what's goin' on. Onslaught is makin' us all fight each other.

"Salad brain ! Stop it I'm not the enemy!" I yell.

" Hulk Doesn't Care!" he raves !" Hulk only cares about shutting fake Hulk up!"

Finally he knocks me down hard then he pounds Glads down"

Joe are you alright?" I hear from a puny Voice. " Banner! Why the Hell did Onslaught manifest you?"

" I'm not sure he did I think maybe Professor X did." He says.

" Then X is loonier that we thought. What are you gonna do ? cry on everyone ?"

Mean while Prof is raving to dumbo how he should serve Onslaught.

" Smart Hulk, may be controlled by red man ! But no one controls Hulk! " He then slams Prof into the ground. Then dummy is knocked down by something. After a quick battle I see what it is . The one hulk I didn't wanna see here the mindless one!

He glares at us all. Then let's out a huge roar. " GRRRRRAAAAAAAAA!"

We all get ready to battle. When Puny Banner gets between us . " Hulks! Stop fighting each other! It's him It's Onslaught who's trying to use all of us! Your always saying your the strongest one there is prove it! Stop Onslaught!"

Prof 's mind clears " Yes No one tells me what to do! Your going to pay the price of messing with me freak !"

" Hulk Will Smash crab man !"

"GRRRRRRRRRRR!"

I let out a laugh what are we waitn' for?"

Glads just says " This isn't over., but first let's teach crab man a lesson!"

Where's Richards?

2006-09-07T17:52:00.000-07:00

I broke into the Baxter building. After smashing through all their defenses I find that rock brain Ben Grimm. He babbles "Wotta revoltin' development this is." Before I smack him through a door. http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.spell.gif
Check Spelling

He leaps at me through the door . " I was gonna leave the country but I guess I'll take ya out before I go."

He leaps right into my fist.

Thing gets in some good punches. Bit he's nothing compared to me I'm the strongest one there is. When I was about to finish, him I feel a force field around him?

" Okay Invisible Woman you might as well show your self." I order.

Now she's the one who starts acting all confident." Why are you here endangering my children Hulk? Your always saying you just want to be left alone. Why are you attacking our home?"

" Forget the posturing." I say. "Just tell me where your rubber man, husband is ."

" I wish I knew ." She answers." He's out helping Tony Stark with his stupid war. They're putting our friends in prison for not going along with the Registration Act."

What's a registration Act? Doesn't matter, so the superheroes are at war. I can use that. Then I hear this noise like Voip! I turn around , and see this guy in a hood.

" I know you from somewhere." I say.

" Of course you do Hulk I'm Capitan Koma

" Yeah I remember you. Fixit met you your Magneto's flunky."

He spits" "I'm no one's flunky. Look I know you have no reason to trust me, but I know your not afraid of me your not afraid of anything. I hear your after Xavier. I can give Xavier what do you say?"

" Your only wanting me to take down baldy, to accomplish some goal of yours huh?" He nods. " What do I care? I want my revenge so Take me to him."

I'm teleported, right next to him . Except Xavier was gone, It was Onslaught. I utter
" Hulk Smash Red Man."

"FOOLISH HULK! I KNOW YOUR MIND IS NO LONGER CLOUDED!"

" It was worth a try Baldy. I see you just couldn't take the stress of your little dream, not working out, or did something bad happen between you and the little catholic chick. Ya just couldn't take it anymore and you let Onslaught out to play again huh?"

This sick laughter comes from the metal king crab YOUR ONE TO TALK BANNER! YOU RELEASE A HALF TON OF RAGE EVERY TIME YOU STUB YOUR TOE! YOU KNOW I MUCH PREFERRED YOU WHEN YOU TALKED IN THIRD PERSON! BEHOLD MY MIGHTY HAND!

A blast hits me, it doesn't seem to do anything.

" Your getting weak in your old age Onslaught. Now get ready to get ripped outta your Armor Punk!"

Then I hear this voice behind me . " Ya ain't rippin' no one outta no where ya mook! In fact yer gonna get a whuppin' for keepin' me repressed do long!"

I realize that's my voice. What I see next is impossible. " Whatta ya lookin' at? It's really me ya poser Big Joe Fixit. An' I'm back."

Now to take down IronMan

2006-09-04T01:33:00.000-07:00

Since Xavier is off the freaking planet, I decide to go after Tony Stark. I fins him leading a bunch of Heroes, against a bunch of other heroes in New York. So the spandex weirdos have finally lost it and started going after each other.

Whatever I'm going to crush them all! I jump in on the fight. I slap away Warbird, who flies after me I don't know which side she's on and don't care. I slam into Iron Man.

He turns on me saying " Hulk! Bruce we what we did was for your own good..."

" Don't give me that Crap Stark! You people are all afraid of me!Your also Jealous of my strength! No one is stronger than me and that eats everyone of you up doesn't it?"

He blast those puny repulsors at me . I'm knocked back a little bit, but that's not a problem. I walk through the blasts and right up to Iron man . I tear off the billonare pissant's armor.

I'm suddenly struck by thunder. Stark runs away. I turn to see Thor. So that wannabe god still hasn't learned You don't mess with me.

Looks like I'll have to reeducate him. I punch him in the jaw then he hits me with that stupid hammer. It shocks me , but all that does is make me mad . I get stronger he doesn't.

We go back and forth I hit or kick him, and he throws thunder at me , or hits me with the hammer, blabbing how he's the son of Odin and all that. Finally he gets smart and flies above me firing bolts at me from there.

Ok So I Throw a gas truck at him. You know it's weird the whole time I'm having to slap some sense in another costumed goon while doing this. Any way it explodes in his face. It didn't really hurt him but it did surprise him .

I leapt on him and Beat him silly.

Then I'm blasted by another repulsor Ray I turn around and see ironman in another Hulkbuster armor I charge him and I'm punched in the face. And knocked through a building. I Leap out, and he blasts me again. He does pretty good until he makes the dumb mistake of trying to strangle me.

I pull his arms off of my neck then he tries to out Power me. I rip out some circuits and And squeeze him in the armor, Then I toss him into The Hudson river. After beating down the other heroes, especially that doofus Hank Pym I leap towrds my next target, The Baxter Bulding.

Hulk Smash!

2006-08-22T06:29:00.000-07:00

I stare at all the wimps that had gathered at Professor X'S place. I told them how it was going to go, They were going to tell me where Xavier was or they'd get smashed. They pick the stupid option and attack. First was Cyclops, and Wolverine.

Cyclops was easy enough, I walked through is beam like a duck through water. When I got close the punk went into the fetal position. Now Wolverine is another matter. No matter how many times I knock him down he keeps getting back up .

So I threw him into some room where there was this chair and a helmet hooked up to it , and not much else. We thrash the place . Finally Wolverine is buried under the debris.

Warbird goes all crazy at this moment and blasts me , it moves me back a little . Then she tries punching me. " You may be strong girl. " I say but not enough to do any damage to the Hulk."

I powerbomed her through the floor . Next up I'm blasted by all these saiyans and Storm together. Now this hurts . I stomp the ground . Knocking any heroes off their feet.

I then grab Goku's leg and use him like a club to knock down any of the flying ones. This is going well until they all regroup the big metal Russian idiot throws the runt at me. I punch him up into Trunks. His arm gets slashed.

Colossus tries to fight me in hand to hand, not a good idea against the me I Kick him into the hangar and. Beat him over the head with the their planes . The place starts to crumble from all the fighting.

I grab the one eyed wimp and scream in his face " Where's Xavier?"

" He's gone , he left to help Jon the intergalactic Gladiator, with a mission in Space." Damn it!

" If you make it though this alive pretty boy." I growl. " Tell Xavier I'm coming for him!" I drop him and pull the support beams of the mansion Making debris fall all over them.

Good I leap away, looking to find Reed Richards or Tony Stark next.

Meanwhile the heroes pull them self out of the debris. Shi sees Wolverine go pull his motorcycle from the wreckage.

" Good it ain't damaged."

" Where are you planning on going?" asks Shi.

" Ya saw what he just did didn't ya he's more dangerous then he 's ever been. I'm gonna go an put an end to him for good."

" Logan that's crazy talk !"

" Good thing I'm crazy then."

" What do you think he wants with the Professor?"

" Don't know , and don't care, All I know is he has ta be stopped. Stay here an' help the X-men get any body trapped outta there."

Wolverine jumps on his Motorcycle and drives off towards the green Goliath.

At last!

2006-08-20T01:07:00.000-07:00

My ship crash lands on a planet. I start to wander around . I know one thing This isn't Earth. I have no idea what this place is. I just know I want another ship. How did the craft I have get here?

Banner it must be ! He sabotaged my settings! I became angry and punched several trees. Then these armored things swarm me talking about " the Mistress." someone else that wants a piece of the Hulk I see.

I Thunder clap and knock them all back . " Puny armored men are like puny humans , and the puny pinkies, They never leave me alone! They just keep messing with me ! Pushing me ! Now I push Back!"

I start slamming them with a huge boulder the shape of a club, some of them try to poke me with theses stupid knives. They break against my skin. I see this castle., and some girl. I reconise her one of the X-men!

I leap at her and some kind of invisible shield stops me. I'm not letting that stop me. I start punching it. She laughs until cracks form in it. Then her eyes widen in surprise. I love it when that happens.

" So the rumors are true ? You have infinite strength."

" I'm the strongest one there is! And you'll find that out personally if you don't take me to Xavier!"

She starts laughing again! This annoys me. " I don't see what's funny mutie!"

" Well first off you calling me a " mutant"I'm a goddess!"

" Thor's claimed that as well, I've fought him to a standstill more than once. Next time I meet him I'll finish him! You too unless you give me what I want!"

She smirks " Revenge on the ' illuminati?' "

" Get out of my Head!"

" Tell me Dr Banner, what do you think of the death of every human on the Earth?"

" I'm not Banner! And I don't care what happens to them. As long as I'm left alone ."

That's when I figured out what was going on. This girl has gone nuts. Whatever If she wants to play super villain it's not my business.

She' was reading my thoughts the whole time. " Ok I'll send you back to Earth. We both have the same goal. The Death Of Professor Charles Xavier. Since you won't interfere in my plans There's no reason I couldn't send you back."

She waves her hands next thing I know I'm in New York. But the place has been trashed. I see a paper the headline says" Registration act law." I have no idea what that is. Or what happened to the city. What I do know I have to choose which one of those traitors gets smashed first.

I want revenge!

2006-08-16T21:03:00.000-07:00

After Fixit's fight with Henchman, Banner was offered a chance to save the world. I stopped the Rouge S.H.I.EL.D. Satelite. They lied to us saying it was a Hydra device then Xavier, Doctor Strange, Reed Richards and Tony Stark took control of the shuttle I was riding on. They sent me into space.

I ended up on a planet where I fought as a gladiator. I Took care of the punks that thought they could control The Hulk. Now I've found a way back to Earth. If I were you I wouldn't sleep well at night.

Your powers, and weapons won't save you this time. You puny humans have betrayed the Hulk for the last time. Just know I'm coming for you Especially the ones who call themselves " The Illuminati." You've made me angry. No one will like me when I'm angry.

Cage match!

2006-07-26T19:46:00.000-07:00

Continues from Here

I had the Henchman pretty well beaten , until he yelled " overdrive!" A red aura forms around the kid's body and hall the sudden he hits like Thor . I recognize that trick . That bum Goku's been teaching him.

Heh I guess Henchman ain't heard the madder I get the stronger I get! He slams me with axe handle punch. He then tries to hit me with a spin kick I grab his foot pick him up by the leg And use him like a tennis racket against the cage.

His demon friends come in, an I pull them in and crush them up into their master.

" Give up boy! Ya ain't gotta chance. " I say ta him Hey I was feelin' generous.

The red aura gets brighter he smashes free from the monsters. He puts me in a front face lock.

I laugh " I watch Wrasilin' too." I push him offa my head, Put him up inna airplane spin then I finish the combo with a Northren Lights Suplex.

He gets back up and busts my jaw with a few punches. I chuckle as it heals up almost instantly. " One last chace to give up."

" Why would I do that?" he asks .

I charge at him yellin " Cause you haven't a prayer of beatin' me!"

We exchange punches until I hear a poppin' sound an' he collapses.

" Aw didja break yer little battery?"

The guy gets up and says " That's not stopping me. " Heh! Ya got spunk kid! The Abomination woulda been cryin' by now! Ya know ya got my respect if nothin' else."

I'M about ta put the last punch on 'im when the cage is pulled offa the ring . I look up an see a bunch of Green Lanterns being led by Guy Gardener. " Thanks grey boy ! We'll take from here." laugh Gardener.

" Hey Punk wait a minute! Your gonna take him on after he fights his heart out?"

" So? you just made our job easier for us."

I punch the smug little ring bearer through the roof . Then I grab the cage and smack a few more then these yellow things attack them. I turn ta see Henchman up and ready to go a few more rounds with me .

" My power cell is back online let's go!"

" Heh Nah that's ok. Ya did good let's call this fight a draw. "

The audience boos. I answer them with a " Shut up!" they all get quiet . then the Green Lanterns show up again. " Looks like they don't know when ta quit."

The announcer shrieks " Place your bets folks Joe Fixit , and The Henchman versus These Green Lanterns."

" Cool so we're tagging now ?" said Henchman.

" Yeah too bad fer them!"

What just happened ?

2006-07-10T03:10:00.000-07:00

I wake up in some office High rise I've never seen before. There's a tape recorder by me I play it. The voice sounds like me but deeper and with more of an accent So this is what Joe Fixit sounds like when he's not in my head.

" Ok Banner here's the drill stay there. That's all ya have to do Oh yeah I put some tranquilizers in your pocket, We don't need that green doofus messin' up my town. Now if ya go back to my place you'll mess everything up ya got that ? Stay there!"

I'm really getting sick of The Hulk treating me as his errand boy. I've cured my self of him several times now , but somehow I always find myself turning back into one Hulk or the other. Just I'm sitting there confused by this new plan the Hulk has concocted. ( I know how weird that sounds.) A man in an Aim uniform walks in.

" Dr. Bruce Banner?"

I must still be confused after transforming back to myself because I tell him " y,yes?" He then slaps me . This gets me angry. I then realize This man is going to be torn apart by the Savage Hulk so I Try to suppress the change, he doesn't like that.

" Let Hulk Out! Puny Banner! You Keep Hulk in darkness, you and fake grey Hulk! Hulk will show you both! Hulk is the strongest one there is!"

I run from the scene hoping I can get far enough away from people. When I'm outside the building I can sense I can't get away in time. I take three tranqs . Yes! These aren't normal tranquilizers! Joe actually gave me some of my gamma treated pills.

I calm down almost instantly. The office complex I just left exploded. I wander aimlessly until about noon I find myself at Fixit's place I find a video tape with the name "Banner " scrawled on a label.

I pop it in the VCR. Joe's image comes on screen. " Hey ya loser I hope ya did what I said. If not your gonna find your self in that vault ya tried to keep me in that time. You see This professional Henchman's been runnin' his mouth sayin' I'm scared of him. "

Great another one of the Hulk's enemies.

" So I did some uh , renovating of his union. I'm pretty sure he was going to try to retaliate So I guessed he'd have some kind of Gamma tracker , so I put you in a building I was paid to destroy, by the owner's business competior. If you didn't foul things up there Captain Puny my plan must have gone without a hitch Oh yeah I called the SHIELD on one' a his allies too. Plus I also warned 'em about some plan they cooked up to get Magneto outta the clank. How did I know about it? Let's just say I used some of your science knowledge to plant a bug on a certain red haired robot, heh!"

This is what people forget about Fixit especially when they discover he's the Hulk. He's crafty. Maybe too crafty. Unlike the green savage Hulk he actually thinks things through. I Have to find a way to get more control over him .

Heh!

2006-07-08T18:50:00.000-07:00

So The coliseum has almost set up the ring for the fight. Ms. Berengetti. Called me up to tell me this. Well looks like The Henchman will need to learn this ok. I went to the Local 432.

I completely destroyed the building , knocked out the teeth of whoever was in there. Then I painted the message on what was left of the building after smashing it down. Some chick in a constrictor suit gave me some lip, so I tied her up in her own coils.

Now even if the henchman doesn't know it he will soon. All his friends already know it . Ya don't mess with Joe Fixit.

Bloodhunt part 2 : Cable

2006-07-03T16:24:00.000-07:00

It took me some time to find Cable, He apparently went to some planet to find Deadpool's sidekicks. I found 'em at some school in Westchester. "Why are we trying to educate this loser ?" Said this weird green video game thing. "It is a lost cause."

This smaller purple thing said " Yes Let's turn him into a throw rug!"

The thing they were talking about was a furry monster with horns. It looked pretty tough , but acted like a scared three year old. Cable was holding his fore head in tired manner.

I paid the video game creatures, to slip a drug in Nate's Soda. He was starting to wobble on his feet. Then I jump 'im. I get a TK blast for my efforts. He pulls a lazer on me, and fires it.

It bounces off my chest. Meanwhile the sidekicks were leaving the video game ones were trying to convince the big one to steal DVDs and one was saying "We smoke as we steal DVDs."

Cable tried to reach into my mind. but I saw him sweatin' yeah this was gonna be easy. He holds up a tk shield which I punch through easily. I grab him take out a needle from my pocket and take some blood.

I drop him on the ground after that Nate say " Hulk don't give him the blood."

" So you know who my client is eh?"

" If it's who I suspect it is, the world could be in danger. "

I laugh at him, " I don't care about this planet full of puny humans that have hounded me over the years. All I care about is gettin' what I want."

I leapt away. I delivered the blood at some weird book store. This pale faced man gave me a suitcase of money, after he made sure the blood was Logan's and Summer's When I get back to Vegas, Some of my associates tell me That AIM reject The Henchman's been sayin' I'm afraid of him.

Ok now ya've done it. Henchman it's time to cash the check your mouth is writin'. I know plenty of fight promoters in here in Vegas. If you want to prove your not yellow like your outfit You'll meet me at the Coliseum Casino where we'll fight in an Adamantium cage.

What do ya say?

Blood hunt part 1: Wolverine

2006-06-30T01:33:00.000-07:00

So I get this message on my machine." Mr Fixit I have tried to contact you before. I'm willing to pay you $100,000 for blood samples of Logan aka Wolverine , and Nathan Summers Aka Cable. They must both be delivered at me to an address I have emailed to you. You will be given the money after delivery of both samples.

I had no idea this guy tried to contact me before, I sense Banner had something to do with this. I look on the news ta see if Logan or the X-men were doing anything at the moment , what do you know they were fightin' the Dark Phoenix and Magneto's Brotherhood of Puny mutants.

I also saw some guy in a AIM uniform and the constrictor. Well looks like I'm gonna need some help with this one if nothing else I've studied this Henchman guy. He has a battery that allows for my powers to just make him stronger.

Not to worry My partner has been watching him on that game show for weeks now. I call him up. After we get ta Washington. I go over the plan with him. " Alright we act like we're all heroic and comin ta save the day. Then I get close ta short stuff, an ' take a blood sample got it.

He kind looks lost in though. " Maybe we should actually help out? If that freak Magneto wins he'll put my Woman in a concentration camp, then kill my children."

" Ya ain't goin' soft on me are ya?"

" Just thinking out loud." He said watching Wolverine fight the Hench man. The runt looked like he losin' but the problem wit' Logan is he can take a lot of abuse. Sometimes he'll take it on purpose to put his opponent in a false sense of security then he'll gut 'em.

What can I say? I've fought Wolverine a lot. " Ok " I say " Let's do this. "

I fall on Mags from above slammin' him into the pavement. The Constrictor catches me with those Adamantium coils of his. " I almost beat you when you were green Hulk. I 'll destroy you now that your weaker!'

I grin at him " Who says I'm weaker?" I pull the coils to me, and he slams into my fist. The Hench man summons some kind of Demon which the hairy midget already cut in half.

" Well Henchman Ya think yer gonna make yer reputation by beating the Hulk huh? Sorry but I ain't got time for you but I think you know my partner here? "

Vegeta shows off by going Supersaiyan and then Slammin' into the Henchman causing a Sonic boom. " Vegeta! " Hollers the Henhcman. " Your not going to win this one with cheap shots!"

" Your right! I'm going to win by being stronger and faster human!"

" I'm not completely human any more! Because of you ''Hero' I'll pay you back for that in spades Alien!" As they hit each other with superspeed punches I walked over to Logan ready put him down when the Phoenix blasts me.

" Stupid Hulk you shouldn't have interfered in my war !"

" Hey I don't care about you toots! So do yourself a favor an' back off!"
She blasts all the skin off of my body I regenerate it, she does it again and again. gettin' me mad !

" Look Red! I didn't want ta do this but you made me angry!" I slam my hands together the shock wave stuns her. I follow up by jumpin' on her And landin punch after punh I then hear " Jeanie Nooooooooo!"

Next thing I know six claws are cuttin' inta my back. I slap him offa me. The I remember Wolvie's who I'm after. He recover s quick and gets that metal goon to throw himself at me the metal cuts deep. I pull his claws out wipe off my blood then I use his own hands ta cut him open I put a vial inta the wound before it heals gettin' the sample.

I'm ready ta leap outta there. I see Vegeta walk over too me with a bruise on his cheek and a cut over his eye. " Hmph. He got in a few shots, but I won."

" Well let's get outta here!"

I Leap away while I see vegeta looking as if he wants to help the X-men whatever I got what I came for .

Well this is a fine mess...

2006-06-27T03:12:00.001-07:00

It seems Miari Trunks lost the statues while I was in control of the body. I heard Joe cursing in my head as the insurance agents told us the statues were fake. Miari called his mother who used a device to detirmine the ages .They were only a few months old.

The strange thing was this woman was supposed to be this man's mother yet he looked older than her. hMiari was in his thirtes. And His mother looked like she was just hitting 20. Then I started looking at ther more closely, Dr. Bulma Briefs?

That can't be! She should be in her late forties yet she looked like she's just starting college. She looked at me closley then I saw she reconoised me. " Bruce isn't this a little dangerous ? You being in the open like this and all. "

" Your the first person to reconize me so far that is you isn't it Dr Briesfs?"

" Dr Briefs is my Dad Bruce Call me Bulma ."

" Ok so are you going to report me to General Ross?"

" I thought you knew me better than that. No beseides my husband is your business partner. " I had no idea what she was talking about.

" Opps" she said . " I mean Joe's you know the H, u, l, k."

" I see he's been busy. He's even got a girlfriend now. I think I may be losing control of him."

She just kind of laughs." If you lost control of him, we'd all know it. This city would be rubble. By the way I 'm sorry to hear about Betty. "

My wife betty. She was killed by one of my enemies the Abomination. I thought she had returned, but that turned out to be an illusion by another one of the Hulk's enemies Nightmare.

" Life goes on" I finally reply.

" Now you really need to stop bottling up your emotions Bruce. You know that's why you have your big green and grey problems . "

I change the subject. " That guy's your son? He looks a little too old even if you dinn't look so much younger than you did last time I saw you."

" It's a long story, let's just say he's from an alternate universe. "

I chuckle " I have a few expirences with those myself. "

" It's great to see you not as Joe for once. If you ever need anyone to talk too, or work on some invention call me alright I'd better get back to work."

Sin ce there was no point in me staying there now that tthe Terra Cotta warriors were gone. I took the next flight back to Vegas. I returned to the new building Joe bought. I could get used to it if I didn't feel so dirty about where he gets the money to pay for evreything.

I listen to his messages more from that weirdo Captian Koma, and one from someone who wants Wolverine and Cable's blood. I erase that message. If the Hulk is going continue in this career I'm not going to let him work for villians or psyhcos.

Problem solved?

2006-06-22T19:28:00.000-07:00

Banner watched the statues today. Th problem I don't trust the founder of the Panty club for men to protect anything. So when it was my turn with the body I called Vegeta. That was after listenin' ta three messages askin. for Pizza.

Any way I finally got i'm. "Hey Vegeta!" I said I got a little problem."

" So?" he answers

" Look punk! yer my partner an I know yer on some game show but I need some help. "

" Bah ! You'd think the Hulk could take care of himself!" he said.

" You know about my little day light problem you gonna help or not?"

He sighs and says " Fine what do you want?"

" I want yer son ta watch this place during the day. not the whiny one or the blue haired psycho."

" Miari ok fine."

As the night goes on Some ninjas and these others attack he place. I beat them down until I notice the sun comin' up oh no not now!

Two new jobs

2006-06-20T22:41:00.000-07:00

I was paid ta help Black plague with his gang war against the Kingpin. But Puny Banner had to get in the way, and drugged himself. He also locked himself in a vault.

My healin' ability took care of the drug an' a steel vault was nothin to my strength. I end up gettin' there late. So I ended up keepin" Bloodscream an' Roughouse out of the fight between Plauge and Kingpin.

The two ended up wimpin' out and became partners . Not that I care I got what I wanted outta the whole deal everything I wanted. Plague wanted me to join as a permanent Henchman, but I told him I like ta be my own boss.

When I get back to my office I find a message on my machine from a Captain Koma He's creating a strike force ta take out the Terminarix. I call him and say I'll do it for half price since takin' down the robot will stick in Magneto's craw.

Word on the street says the Swamp Thing is putting together a strike force to take down the amazin' pink mutant as well. Looks like he's in fer a fun time. The next night Banner left a tape recording sayin' I got the job at Oike gallery one hitch I had to work night and day.

Memed again

2006-06-15T05:05:00.000-07:00

That runt Wolverine tagged me with Deadpool's Meme. But since I'm busy gettin' the new office remodeled it took me a couple a days ta get to it. I hear Magneto wants revenge on me ? Bah! He'll get smashed an' like it.

I should go find Wolverine and pay him back for this. Then again the last beatin' I put on the midget was pretty severe. So I guess we'll call it even. Now Wilson's waste of my time.

1. Other than yourself, pick the contestant that remains in Last Gladiator Standing you think will win? Aoc 's pretty funny.

2. What's your favorite color of Pink? none.

3. What's your favorite episode of Golden Girls none again.

4. If you were Anna Nicole Smith, what would you do with your child? I'm surprised that kid's alive.

5. How many figures am I holding up? Heey is that a green Hulk? Where's yer Fixit Figure? Get back here ya little punk!

6. Decipher this code: *66hsther;o adthaodf stop Deadpool really is havin' Henchman's baby. I did not wanna know that.

7. What's wrong with this Meme? It bugs me.

8. Create your own question and answer it Whos the Stongets one there is? Big Joe.

10. Do you have a man crush on Luke Cage? Man Crush? Well I did once crush Iron man, and Spider-man oh his head .

12. Are you the weakest link? That would be salad brain.

13. Are you prepared for the Dalek invasion over here? I 'll smash 'em.

14. Switch lives with one blogger for a year? Problem is I switch lives with two othr bloggers all'a time Banner and Green Hulk.

15. Who has the best sidekick in LGS? While I would like ta see how Magnifcant Becca really is, I'd have ta say Xavier.

16. If you watched the season finale of Doctor Who, what did you think'; Didn't watch it.

17. Do you know who Lookwell! Is? No unless he's got money otherwise I don't care.

18. Tag 3 people you wouldn't share socks with. No one tells Joe Fixit what ta do.

Takin' away Magneto's toy.

2006-06-02T05:47:00.000-07:00

Th' company that made th cyborg that Magneto's been usin' hired me ta bring it back. After givin' me an analysis of the energy this thing put out go home and wait for Banner ta take a look at it.

When It's my turn at the body again I see he's built some kinda doohicky that finds her. I find her fightin' Wolverine an' Storm. She knocks 'em down. Her makers told me her force fields can be stopped by a sonic attack. So I give 'er the most devastating' one on the Planet my Thunder Clap.

She goes down for a minute An' I make sure she stays down with and electromagnetic disrupter. As I'm about to take the Fembot away a certain little runt objects.

" Fixit! That ' bot is to dangerous! She has ta be crushed."

" Not gonna happen midget!" I say. " Now get outta th' way, Or make you get out of the way!"

He pops those damn claws of his and Jumps at me. I swat him away in midair. when actually does some kind of flip in the air lands feet first on a wall the springs at me again usin' the momentum to cut through my chest.

" Ok runt now ya went an' got me mad!" I scream.

I punch him he slashes me, I finally grab him by those claws of his and throw him around I smash him into the pavement then a wall, finally I jump about 1,000 feet an' piledrive Logan into th street.

The little punk still wants to fight he cuts my legs. I just stomp on his head several times rattlin' his brains until I can convince him to listen to what I gotta say.

" Listen here stupid! If ya want me to rip ya aprt like Greenie did I can, Or I can let you X-men know about somethin' that can get rid of Magneto for you>"

" Cough! Grrrr!" He says at me as pin his arms down with my feet. " Look I was at Capsule Corp recently And trunks wanted ya to know about a gun that takes out Magnet boy's powers. It's only temporary , but if I know you you'll already go tazmanian devil on him before he can get them back."

" Dammit Fixit! That Terminator is too dangerous for whoever I payin ya ta get it for 'em . "

" Ya see Logan That's the problem I don't care. Now ya can chase me , or you can take out your worst enemy, And hey I hear Bulma likes short guys with funny hair ya might have a shot. " I leap away leavin' Wolverine to heal in peace.

I get the Money from the companies President , it' three times my normal salary. Well It look Like Fixit Inc. is movin' up in the world I bought an office building, with plenty of room for Banner's little experiments.

He can have it on one condition he doesn't try to cure himself. My offices are going to be on the middle floors An' I'll be livin' in th' Penthouse. This is gonna be sweet.

How did Joe talk me into this?

2006-05-28T02:43:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning, and I find I'm in Las Vegas. I suppose I've been Fixit. I have to admit this is a lot better than the days when Joe would leave me too drunk to move, Or leave me on a cliff. Fixit left instructions on a job he wanted. He said I was to go to the Oike Gallery in New York, and if I messed this up he would kill me.

I would like to know how he could accomplish that without killing himself. Also going to NewYork is a lot easier for him than it is for me. Okay I found some of Fixit's money and flew there first class.

I wonder what he does with this money. I know he has a bit of a gambling addiction, But not so much that he needs as much as he gets. Could it just be greed? I never thought any part of myself was that much into material things. I guess I was wrong.

So The Oike gallery interview was a complete disaster. The owner wanted to Speak with Joe himself. Which is impossible during the day. Since either me , the childish Hulk or the Professor are active during the day.

Actually I haven't changed into the Professor in a while, I wonder if something happened to his personality? Long story short Miss Ishikawa, would not hire someone she didn't meet first hand. What made it worse was I saw Wolverine there.

I don't think he noticed me , which must mean something is on his mind. Lucky me I don't want to see what The Green savage Hulk can do to NewYork. Fighting Wolverine always made him just a bit angrier. Him and Ben Grimm always seemed to bring out the worst of the Hulk's nature.

So next mooring I wake up back in Las Vegas. Without a clue what Fixit did during the night, but very thankful that his healing ability can fight off most viruses. It was early when this girl named kristy walks in.

" Is Joe in?" She asks.

"Mr Fixit is unavailable during the day." I say.

" Why is he sleeping or something?"

" I guess you can say that. "

" Can't you wake him up it's important."

" I would if I could, but he's um,a very deep sleeper. "

" Has anyone ever told you your a very bad liar Mr?"

" Bruce Bann.... I mean Bancroft. "

" Well Mr. 'Bancroft' Tell Joe if he doesn't want to talk to me he should tell me in person instead of sending his dorky assistant to say he's a sleep. "

As she storms out the door I wonder what Joe's connection is with this girl. I wish I can find a way to control the Hulk's actions all of them, or at least remember what they do.

New jobs.

2006-05-22T23:33:00.000-07:00

Well today Trunks called me to help get M.o.d.o.k. Outta his front yard. Well his parents' yard any way I hear he don't live there no more. Well The big headed freak put up a pretty good fight.

Trunks joined the fight , He wasn't doing as good as other saiyans I've seen. Then again that could a been because of Freako's Mind powers. The boy surprised us all by turning Ss4.

While M.O.D.O.K. was reeling from a psychic backlash, I start beating on him. A bunch of burning attacks, Thunder Claps, and just regular super punches The weirdo finally cuts out and runs saying " A henchman isn't worth Fighting the Hulk and a freak boy."

The money I got outta this deal was well worth the aggravation . At this rate Capsule Corp might as well put me, on the permanent payroll. Well at least this one was easy not compared to this other job I've been workin'

I was hired by this guy's family ta find him,

And tell him to stop dressing like that. I haven't been able ta find him anywhere, then again, If I dressed like that I would hide too.

Damn Kingpin.

2006-05-18T23:31:00.000-07:00

I get to Fisk Tower, of course I get a welcomin' committee The enforcer Tombstone,

And the Rhino wearing purple things on his costume.

We trash th' building for a while until, I jump out of the way, and the two slam into each other, Knocking each other out. I seem to remember Rhino once did that to the Abomination while fighting greenie once.

That Rhino just can't work with anyone. Hammerhead runs at me screaming' on the 30 th floor.

I step out of the way. He slams through and falls into a garbage truck below. Man that had to hurt. Right before I get to the Kingpin's floor I'm stopped by a bunch of Henchmen.

I hear they want dental these days. Well they're going to need it now that I'm finished with them. I finally confront the Kingpin.

Stupidly he tries to fight me I smash him, and I find out he's a robot. " So Ya ain't got the guts to stay here an fight eh Kingpin?"

His face comes up on a screen. " Fighting you would just be stupid , now wouldn't Dr Banner?"

" I ain't Banner!" I yell.

" Whatever, Are you angry that your little relationship with a bimbo is ruined because of me."

"Nah, I don't care about that, I care about you sending those losers Roughouse and Bloodscream after me."

" Well I knew they wouldn't be able to kill you. I should have guessed you would have eventually discovered my ruse. But I could just pay you to rid West City Of Black Plauge and his mob."

" If ya came to me and asked I might have done it. I say. " I don't like that Cain punk anyway. But now you'll just have to have your selves a little gang war to settle your dispute. And I'm going to hit you where it hurts your pocket book!"

I take everything of value in the place , man he's got a lot of money, this should pay for rebuildin' office just fine. Then I pull Fisk Tower down\. I hope that Mook has to pay through the nose to rebuild it. Hey Why I'm In New York I might as well check out the Hellfire Club. An' spend some of the Kingpin's money on strippers. Heh Heh!

The one who ordered the hit revealed.

2006-05-16T22:50:00.000-07:00

Joe somehow convinced me to go to the Crime alley bar I was asking The partrons questions. I made the bartender nervous. He kicked me out. Which was probably a good thing . Because someone was likely going to try and kill me.

I walk down an alley hoping no one notices me when a card almost hits me. "That was the first shot." said a man in a costume. " Next one is going through your forehead."

I run but several cards go into my back I fall behind a dumpster. I notice the sun has gone down. I don't know which is worse dying or turning into Fixit.

Shaddup Banner! When Bulls eye sees me come out from behind the dumpster his eyes almost bulge outta his head. He throws those sissy cards at my eyes. They just bounce off.

"I never miss! What happened?"

" Ya ain't got enough power to even hurt me, you loser. " I say as I grab him by his hands" But I have more than enough to hurt you." I slightly squeeze his hands they crack.

" Now Bullseye I know you know who tried to kill me , and people trying to kill me puts me in a real bad mood. Now if ya want to get outta this with some unbroken bones. you'll tell me who ordered the hit."

" The chameleon! " he yells in obvious pain. " He ordered the hit disguised as Black Plauge. He was told to do it by the Kingpin!"

" What's Fatso got against me?"

" Nothing he wanted you to kill the Grim Reaper, then you'd crush Plauge's organization. After that he'd move in and take over."

I let the costumed doofus go, and leap away. He kept saying " My hand , my hands." It's already been told on other blogs , how I met up with Cain in th' middle of a battle between him and Goku. An' How he teleported away so I won't elaborate on that. "

But whattaya know I Find him all beat up,a the hospital with his girlfriend. " She yells not again! Did you do this to his face?"

" No that was the clown Goku." Cain says " Do want some of the same Fixit?"

" Like you could hurt me little man . Look I came hear for two things first off I paid your medical bills. I didn't wanna but this puny voice in my head wouldn't stop naggin' me."

They look at me like I'm nuts. Though it ain't me that's fruit loops It's Banner, an he' th' one that kept naggin' me.

" The second?" said Reaper finally

" The one that started this whole mess was the Kingpin. Just thought you'd wanna know. If ya want a piece of Fatso you'd better just wait until I'm finished smashing him."

After that I start leapin' to New York, I know Lardo is sittin' in Fisk Tower just laughin' at us. I'm goin to make him feel some of the pain he's caused.

Poor girl

2006-05-15T02:33:00.000-07:00

I made it into the hospital, without anyone noticing me. Good I don't want anyone paying attention to me. I ask where this Karen's room is. Finally I see her A boy named Goten gave her some kind of bean, and she healed faster than Wolverine.

Good, I turn to leave and see a young man who looks like Dr. Bulma Brief's husband, the one with the Napoleon complex. He looks at me then sniffs me. He grabs me slams ,me against a wall.

" You have some nerve Fixit! How dare you come here!" How does he know about I'm Fixit?

"How did you become this small creature? It doesn't matter though I demand You turn into your true form. I will not kill something with such a small power level."

" Look here," I say. " I can't control the change....."

he slaps me " No more lying you bastard!"

" Look for your own safety don't make me angry, believe you wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

" I don't like you now !" Your dying one way or another Joe! but I'm giving you a chance to die with what little honor, someone like you can have."

" I understand your anger."I say trying to calm this boy, for some reason the name Cain pops into my head. " But the thing your about to release is much harder to control than Fixit." I look at my hand and it was turning green.

" What are you talking about? " he asked. Lucky some man pulled Cain off of me. " Goku what are you doing here?"

" About to stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life, That's the Hulk there."

Cain snorted. " The Hulk is a myth clown. A human cannot become that strong. "

I run out of there Because I know if I stay The Green Hulk will devastate this city in a rampage.

Meanwhile In the hospital.

" Goku you Fool! Fixit escaped because of you!"

" No you escaped a beating, I've fought the green guy once he's tough."

" Idiot! I should kill you! ,and your color blind he turns grey not green."

" If you want to try and kill me reaper follow me out to a wasteland I owe you for what you did to Goten anyway."

" Fine lead the way Clown!"

Now back to Banner....

I have to get out of town, If I've been found out it won't be long before the military comes looking.

No Way Mr Puny! We ain't goin'no where!

Fixit?

We can head back to Vegas after we find out who tried to off me not before got it?

Joe this is too dangerous.

Just lay low 'till tonight so no one let's out Guacamole for brains. Then when I come out tonight someone's gonna get what's coming to 'em.

I give in. Because I know he'll just come back here when I become him. I'm nowhere near my desert labs , where I can keep him locked up. It looks like someone's going to pay tonight.

So what?

2006-05-14T00:21:00.000-07:00

(continued from crime alley,)

While fighting Cain, Kristy's dumb sister got in the way of one of my punches. Dumb broad almost got killed, If I hadn't of pulled my punch at the last second. Kristy gives me this dumb little speech.

It's all about how " Cain wouldn't hurt you because I cared for yopu and he loved my sister." Blah! Blah! Blah!I'm washing my hands of this whole mes after I find out who tried to kill me. Apprently If I beleive the whiney twins it wasn't Reaper.

Roughouse an' Bloodscream are long gone. I'm gonna have to see what the word on the street is arrrrrrgh! A huge pain just struck me what's happining? I'm the Hulk I don't feel pain. No the sun's up! I'm turning back into Banner!

( looks around at the destruction.)

" What have you you done this time Joe?"

( flashes of an innocent woman being hurt. Go through his mind.)

Damn it! Joe ! No don't get angry. That won't help. Ok I have to make sure the woman is ok before I leave town.

Showin' Cain who's boss.

2006-05-11T21:39:00.000-07:00

I leap ta Karen's place an' whattaya know Cain was there. I go in ther and find Kristy in there too. Oh well looks like Ol' Joe will have ta find 'imself somone new after this.

" Hey Joe!" she says innocently. " Sorry kid but i gotta do this."

" Huh?"

" Reaper Your boss tried ta off me! I think you have something ta do with that! Now we should step outside you'll either tell me what is goin' on or I'll beat outta ya!"

" Fine freak! though I have no idea about what you are talking about."

Vegeta's kid just as arrogant as he is. He thinks no one on th' planet is as strong as a saiyain he's about ta get a rude awakening.

He turns ss and beats on me a little I miss with my first few punches, he kick me down then, smirks at me that's when I rearrnge his dental work wit' a haymaker.
s he's bleedin' from 'is mouth I kick into th' air he turns al hairy

I guess taht' what they call ss4. He starts firin' blasts at me.

" Think yer smart don't ya getting outta my range? My range is longer than ya think. " I hit a Thunder Clap knockin' 'im down."

I then grab 'im by his tail knee 'im a few times. Then I pick'im up an yell " Why'd ya try ta kill me ? "

To be continued in Crime Alley

Somone put out a hit on me.

2006-05-08T15:49:00.000-07:00

So I get back from a job Namor paid me for takin' out the Orca. if ya don't know who is He's a guy who gains pwer from havin' whales around him. I knock out the whales an' he yells "No my wife!"

That was disturbin.' So I get paid in Atlantian gold While I'm sittin' in my office, trying ta figure out how i'm gonna spend this. Roughouse an' Bloodscream break down my door.

" Master Fixit the end of your day art here."

" Huh?" I say.

" Were gonna kill ya." said Roughouse.

That I understand I let my fists do th' talkin for me by kncking the big dork out through the hole he knocked in my wall. Then the vampire jumps on me . I start bleedin like crazy.

While this is happenin.' The big hairy guy starts punchin' me this gets me mad. I slam the pale freak into his big buddy. Blood scream transforms inta somethin' and satrts babbilin' in old English.

I knew one thing I wasn't gonna let that undead creep touch me again. I unleash a Thunder clap. The two fly out I slam Roughouse inta his creepy buddy The Big guy starts bleedin'.

"Okay The big dork is gonna die if ya don't tell me who sent ya!" I say.

" Thou Doth not have the guts ta kill grey beahemouth."

" Ya wanna try me pal? " I say. " Ya better hurry not sure how much blood shaggy can lose there!"

" Black Plauge thou maloderous lummox!" I let them go an' Bloodscream drags Roughouse away. Now why would Black Plauge send those two after me? Wait it must be that punk Cain that works for him. I 'm gonna break Reper's scrawny little neck!

Spider- man Is runnin' outta ideas

2006-04-29T17:10:00.000-07:00

Ok I don't know if ya know this or not but SPider-man likes to play practal jokes on other heroes. Though I dont think of myself as a hero he see s to but man I don't know what he was thinkin' here.

Jumpin' off a bulding an' kicking me in the face ain't funny. Ok the fact he was yellin' surprise! while he did kind of funny was but any way I got him back.

heh heh heh

Summers has problems

2006-04-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

I know I ain't posted in a while. Ya see I've been gamblin, pretty much a vacation from all the stress of work. That an' I keep turnin, back to Banner, r turnip head.

It seems while I was away my mail piled up. Most of tthem were job offers. Good I can get back some of my money. Then the was dis one, it was mailed rom Xavier's institute. I pop it in my VCR Hopin' it was footage of Psylocke in her Bikini or somethin'.

But noo! that would be somethin' I'd want to see. It was Cyclops, and he was eatin' Ben an' Jerry's Ice cream .

Ya could hear kids laughin' in the background they were sayin' "This is Saturday night. And this is what Mr Summers does. " He started cryin' the camera moves over to the tv an Comedy Central is on .

He starts sayin' things like "why don't they respect me? Why can't I be loved then it gets really strange he yells " Warren!" He takes out a teddy bear and hugs it It says " You don't judge me Mr wooby . You accept me for who I am."

I was watchin' the leader of the X-men have a nervous breakdown. He curls up into the fetal postion and puts a thumb in his mouth and starts suckin' on it. This is where the tape ends. Oh yeah Mutant kind is in good hands wit' this mook in charge.

I look at my Email An' I get from Vegeta's wife. it says " you would want to see this." It says it was taken from a party at Xavier's mansion. I play the attachment An' it's Summers again this time with Gambit. They're holdin' each other an' cryin.'

It seems Bulma doesn't know me at all, I don't want to see that . I turn off my computer an' look at my mail with fear. How many more are starring Scott doin' somethin' weird. I'm going to be havin' nightmares. for months now.

Playin' detective.

2006-04-01T17:43:00.000-08:00

While Savin' da sister o' Ms. Tart, I got 'er number. Hey Banner may wanna mourn fer Betty forever, I do not. Any way she called me sayin' someone tried ta murder her sister.

She think's Vegeta did it, or had sumthin' ta do wit ta hide an affair. I called in a favor wit a private eye. After a day or so I hate ta say it but Vegeta Couldn't be da one who had da affair. he was very publicaly arguing wit Goku.

Vegeta threw A dumpster at him Goku threw a car they fought for a few minutes, And der wives yelled at 'em and dey broke it up. It was on da news an evrything.

So I went ta CapsuleCorp ta pick up da Money Trunks owed me. After gettin it I snuck ta where dey keep da security tapes. After convincin' da guards. I looked through da tapes of dat day. Sure enough sumone who looked like Vegeta was kissin' Karen.

Problem was it ain't him . His hair was like whitesh blue. And dat voice is way to diffrent. Also Durin da Doom ting he had his shirt blasted off. There was no tattos when dis guy threw off his shirt he had a grim reaper tattoed on is back.

Dis don't make no sense. unless sumone was tryin' ta impersonate Vegeta.

It's vampire crushin' time

2006-03-30T12:52:00.000-08:00

Trunks called me up ta the Crime alley bar. He said " It's time. " I don't klnow what changed da kid , but he acts less unsure, he's still arrogant but in a he can back it up way.

He also drinks like a man now. hwe was dowin" whiskey like no one business.

" You ready Fixit?" He asks me in a suddleny deep voice. " C'mon dere just blood suckers I was born ready. " We go ta this place where his little secratary has been dealin' wit' dese things. This one wit'really messed up hair . was awaiting fer her he got a surprise . After we beat on him a little while. He told us where

ta find the sister. We go to tha bulding, and find ourselves surronded by Undead.

to be continued in Trunks Blog.

Some new oppurtinities.

2006-03-22T16:39:00.000-08:00

A kid who looks like Trunks but acts completely different asked me ta help 'im bring down some vamps . But somethin' happened wit dat and he lost 'em. But I think I can turn dis into an oppurtunity.

Ya see tougher Trunks guy had me meetin' him at the Crime alley bar in West City. I tink I'll make it into one of hangouts it amazin' how much info ya can get from de place.

Yeah what's better I may get me some new rich clients. And get some black mail on mobsters dis is gonna be good.

Fightin' the great Saiyadork

2006-03-17T11:22:00.000-08:00

( Thanks to Great Siayaman for his responses.)

Gohan kicks in my office door And Shouts" I am the champion of Justice Iam...."
" Yer Gohan I say back to him, so what can I do for ya?" " I heard of you destruction of a neighbor hood I'm here to stop you and your evil." I had ta laugh at that one.

"Look ya've been watchin' to many super hero movies Why don't I..." He punches me in the face.

So here we are trashin' Vegas I'm tryin' ta atop this lunaintic before he gets hurt. Then he does it he uses a ki blast in my face I taste blood , and I get mad. He was fast and landed a bunch of punches an' kicks.

But The onesI landed though they hit lless hurt hm more that his did me. ya see I was healin' the whole time, And As the fight went on I was gettin harder ta hurt and stronger.

I trashed to cherry sports cars on his head I kind of regret that, dose were nice cars.he flies up an' strts yellin " Ka me ha ..." I'd seen this before and knew if it hit it would take out half of vegas so I thunder clapped windows for miles around shatterd and car alarms started thier annoyin' blasting.

His ears were hurtin' but he said " I can't let you beat me." " Why?" I asked " because ya want to join the Avengers?" " No you endangerd lives and destroyed property for money."

" An' what are ya doin' now huh? " I said . He jut growled at me his hair turned gold and I thought i knew what to expect but he hit me a lot harder den he should have been able to.

I few into a a swimmin' pool he followed me in I think he was tryin ta weaken me by drownin, me. I grabbed on to him gave him a bear hug forcin' all the air from his lungs after a few minutes he was out.

after gettin' outta da pool I checked his pulse, he was okay, an ' knowin dese saiyans he would be walkin' around in a few minutes. " ya put up a good fight." i said "but Ya can't breathe underwater I can. "

I left 'im there and went lookin' fer my hat.

Demolition duty.

2006-03-11T23:19:00.000-08:00

Alright I gotta job! A company was wantin' this neighborhood. Ta get crushed. Tha Problem? da people dat lived there didn't want ta move. Well dere I hada a stroke o luck dat loser Wonder man was in da neighborhood.

He was signin' autographs An stuff so I got in de line took off my shirt and attacked. " what are you doing?" he yells. I don't even talk ta him I smashed him inta some buildings See I staked out da place . I knew which bulidings was empty.

I smashed him all around da place den finall y he starts fightin back . Dis Guy has some kind o confidence problem byt it seems like I set 'im off. I let him smack me around a little bit.

The people had gotten out of da neighborhood. So I let loose. II let my anger out and put down Wondy he was trying to get back up when I Thunder clapped his ears knockin im out. yeah da place was a mess. My clients got what dey wanted.

Don't feel bad for da people though ys see I charged the company quadrauple my usual fee. And Sent da rest to da peole so dey can buy mansions if dey wanted. THe company got what dey wanted I got paid De people aren't homeless. An Simon Williams? well He got beat up , but he got what he likes publicity. I hear he's getting an action movie. A job don't usually go did well where evreyone's happy.

disqualified?

2006-03-07T16:43:00.000-08:00

I was gonna win dat tornament I was beatin' down thdat stupid Goten boy when I hadda get too mad an Salad brain came out a second. He kicked the boy in da junk. Ndat's it no more competions no more rules, no more fallin' outta da ring. From now on When I fight no rules.

I'm gonna beat on any one I'm paid ta or annoys me, I need a job one where I can beat down some mook. I have a lot o' anger ta release on someone!

Arrrrgh!

2006-03-06T14:50:00.000-08:00

Stupid tag Tournament !Those two wimps the big hair bros. ( Yeah I know Vegeta and Goku ain't related. If they were that would make the Goten Bra thing sick, or sicker.)

Any way Vegeta's girl was taken out pretty quick by Goku. Which left me and Vegeta ta fight. I was doin' pretty good. Until they both ganged up on me. Thier chop saki moves and energy blasts couldn't cut it . So they tricked me.
And knocked me outta tha ring.

I guess they're proud of demselves, and thier shiny new tag belts . And da fact dey didn't even go up to dere hightest forms ta beat me . But now ya better watch out ya posers cause ya have no back up in da tourney anymore. An Joe Fixit is gonna leave wit' the second place tag prize and the first place solo prize.

this tag tournament is mine.

2006-03-05T14:18:00.000-08:00

I got teamed with Vegeta's daughter and we one or way into da semi finals. Thet girl has gotta a mouth on 'er though. she insults me before we fight Not dat it matters she can fight. Beat some dork named gamcha or Yamcha somthin' like dat .

Now we gotta fight Trunks and Vampirella. I gotta say i'm not too sad . bout that. I For some reason Vegeta's son rubs me da wrong way, I can't wait to punch 'im in da face .

What's wit' all this snow? those wimps better not cancel the tournament. or they're gonna have a bigger problem , me.

Bringin' down Magneto

2006-03-03T16:50:00.000-08:00

It was pretty easy ta Get into the Savage land Base, it was like a war had happened there. There were holes blown into it evreywhere. My partner came in behind me I took the brunt of the shots from the lasers Sabertooth jumped at me going face first. I Smacked him on the face , makin' him fly outta the base.

The Blob Came at me I said "Remember what happened last time, we fought I pulled your rubber gut out a few feet. He looked at me and ran well I guess it was runnin'.

Then it was time fer the main event Mags. he blasted us with metal Unfotunately for him his own power was thrown back at him . " Bishop! That's you under that mask isn't it? "

Bishop unmasked Magneto said "Now that I know it 's you I can, wait what are you doing Sabertooth?"

"Sabertooth" tore off his helmet " Now Xavier!" I yelled. Mags was All the sudden made stiff as a board. "It's over." said Bishop. " Not Yet it ain't." I said Cracking my knuckles . the fake Sabertooth turned back into Mystique

" Why Would you ally yourself with this gene traitor and this brute Raven?", " Looks Like i'm on the Winning side Erik." I was abot ta hit hi Mags when Bishop said " We can't kill him ." " what ? it don't matter I'm just hired muscle." I still slapped him in the face . So he got to go to tha Vault with a brand new black eye. Now I Just gotta wait for the tournament to start , if it ever does.

A little Fixin,

2006-03-02T18:55:00.000-08:00

Alright Before I go to the Tournament, (if it's ever announced , or held.) I got one more job takin' out Magneto. but since Banner has been workin. on fixin, the blog, I don't have much time to tell ya, Right now because I'm about ta do go on the job now. Hope ya like the new color , It's closer ta grey I was gettin' a little sick of the Green talk to ya later.

idiots

2006-03-01T16:48:00.000-08:00

Look at my opponents' blogs der killin' demselves traini'n fer da Tournament. Go ahead let em kill dem selves. Wanna see hoe Mr Fixit is gettin' ready? here it is.

Dose idoits are gonna be broken an' bruised, while I'll be relaxed and loose. dis is gonna be so easy.

blood sport

2006-02-28T12:54:00.000-08:00

Alright Vampirella,Vegeeta , Goku , and Trunks keep talkin' about Sum Fightin' tournament called the Boudakai. I've been doin' sum research on it.And dis here weirdo usually wins.

I know a scam when I see it. Like Goku couldn't take dat mook wit his Pinky. That is why Joe Fixit is officially annoncin' his registration in tha Boudakai. ( That an ' the huge cash prize.) Get ready fer sum real competion, boys an' girls.

checkin' email.

2006-02-27T14:00:00.000-08:00

Well Ive been taking a few days off aftetr da clone mess, ok I turned back inta Banner so today I'm gonna see what kinda email I got.

from Placebo Pharmecies. com Hello Joe would like a pill that would make your breasts larger and atrract mor e men?

No on both, delete.

From thar krazy cospirete@ goofball .commm : did you know Kfc doesn't use real chickens? They use gentically altered mutants that have no eyes or legs.

Ok I can do wit'out kooky mail today. delete.

I am the Prince of the country kakbakastan if you send me $1000 I will send you back ten million, You see my country is in trouble and I need your help

Here's the world's tiniest violion, and I'm playin' it now. Does anyone really fall fer dat ?

From Murdock Matt@ DDEVIL,.com

Hello Mr Fixit I undrestand you are a super hero.

Hmmm I wouldn't say dat more like a business man

Well I' ve been one myself froe A while now,

I know dat.

Any way I would like to help you, you see I Desined superhero costumes and would like to get into business with you.

Lawyerin' must be slow.

Here's a coustume I designed for Spider-man.

Dat explains it , an here I wuz thinkin' Spidey lost a bet or sumthin', No he' just din't want Daredevil ta think he didn't like dat clow suit, A word of advice Spider-man go back to red an' blue. Murdock would never know.

Well that's enough o' dat I'm itchin' ta get back ta work.

worst job ever

2006-02-24T15:59:00.000-08:00

I had ta go ta the vault today the Guarsdmen hired me ta hold down the Rhino. I din't know what why I had to hold him down

They just said it was for his Kenobi treatment. I didn't know what that was. Then I found out hje don't bathe They washed him with a pressure washer, and got the worst possible person ta do it Son Goku.

Yeah he washed rhino and me cause I standing holdin' him then he went on a rampage. Runnin' around . Washing the gaurdsmen , other prisoners. evrethin' He telported out of the place and attacked the neighbor hood. Here he is washin' somone's house.

The washer was found outside a denny's wit no food in it . I dragged my soggy self and soggy money home . I;m gettin' more info fore i take a job from now in.

The last base And taggin'

2006-02-23T12:46:00.000-08:00

Me and Logan had it ta the last base. There was nuthin' in it , All da clones were brain dead ,from the onslaught back lash Or so we thought. We Were settin' up the explosives when A big green version 'o me jumped me., And knocked out Wolverine.

I was gettin' a beatin' But iwasn't goin' ta let da green version a' me beat me me .
I got mad and fougt back. As da battle went I noticed the clone was gettin bruised alot , and not healin' So I started ta beat 'im harder.

At the last second I heard a snikt! And da clone fell dead. " Ya don't know hoe Long I've been waitin' ta do that." Said Logan I just sneered at , and set the explsoives the last base blew up real good.

Alright I got tagged By Vampirella .

If you were to ghost write Deadpool's autobiography, what would you name it?
Mr Fixit's better Than me I give up

If Simon Cowell were to ask you to help takeover France with Deadpool and himself, would you accept?
Yes den rule France myself.

On a scale of 50-100, with 50 being mind blowing and 100 being drooling the Nile river, how would you rate Bea Arthur?

Whut rating is gouge my own eyes out rather den look at her?"

If you were to appear on Deadpool's show, who would you play?
Joe Fixit Lovable Workin' guy who steals all 'pool's girlfriends.

List 5 ways to improve tacos.
Make em bigger

Make 'em stronger so dey don't fall apart in yer hand.

Make da sauce spicier

more meat

Lots more cheese.

Would you die for Deadpool?

Not enough money on da Planet

Do you find Cable's eyes dreamy?

No

Tag more 1 tmore person than the person who tagged you meaning if person A tags 4 people, you tag 5 and the people you tag, have to tag 6.

Why should I?

Sendin' out the clones

2006-02-22T15:30:00.000-08:00

I somehow got stuck wit' Wolverine, on a mission to destroy more o' Sinister's clone factories Me an' him don't get along, infact we've fought each other all over the planet.

But today we did pretty well The first factory was pretty easy. Only a few robots guardin' it. The second one was harder. It was crawlin' wit brood. Me and logan put ,em down pretty easy. as we set tha bombs Wolverine yelled out." Hey look at this!"

there was a whole mess ,o Spider-man clones. " It's a good thing we're torchin' dis place." I said. " We don't need more Spider -man clones." After we blew dat one up. We looked around out side an saw mutant clones attackin' New York.

I was attacked by a clone O Sabertooth " I always wanted ta know how'd I'd do against dis guy." I said. He didn't fight like Logan at all he ran right inta my fist. I tunred around Ans Wolvie slicin, a fake Cyclpos. An enjoyin' it way too
much.

I was breakin' the circle ting in a Havok clone when Sinister's voice, came from on top ' building. " Tell me what do you get, when you splice Xavier And Magneto?"
" Into riddles now bub?" " yelled Logan.

" Look over there." , said Sinister. " Onslaught!" we both said at once. " Behold my mighty hand!" said tha clone we were blasted by a combo blast that combined telpathy and magnetisim.

Next ting we knew he entered our minds , and made us fight rach other .

" Now you shall kill each other for us!" Said the clone . I heard a voice in my head " Let Hulk out Hulk will smash them all!" " Yeah an evrythin' in a hundred mile radius. fergit it." I got an Idea I grabbed Wolverine an tossed 'im at the Onslught clone.

" A lright Fast ball special ! yelled Logan as he cut through the crab lookin' thing. Problem was he kept flyin' far far inta tha horizon he took several other Flyin'clones out before he dissappered.

Then o'Onslaught " exploded . Causin' A pshycic backlash it must 'ave been controllin' the rest . Hit all the clones I looked aroundthey were all starin' inta space I tink dey were all brain dead.

I went over ta Sinster, and saw he was meltin' I don't believe he's supposed ta do that. " Yer a clone ain't ya." " Yes you wouldn't think Sinister would risk himself would you?"
So I went lookin' around fer Wolverine I finally found ,im he was wrapped around a flagpole . " Hey sleepin, furry wake up we got two more facilities ta destroy if even the clones r gone we gotta make sure dey can't make anymore ."

Logan growled." Ya meant ta do that didn't ya." " I jest don't know my own power." I said " Ya know Madder I get stonger I get, Ya ticked me off tearin my suit."

He growled all the way ta the next facilty We blew dat one up , one left ta go."

My work is never done.

2006-02-21T14:08:00.000-08:00

Trunks whined on his blog that he needs help wit' finding a relative of Dracula . Vampires are not my specilaty, but I know some one whose is.

When I found Blade He was fightin' Vampire clowns?

They where overwhelmin' him so I stepped in. I I picked up several and crushed 'im together. they all turned ta dust. Even Puny Banner would have no problem wit' killin' undead.

After I took down most of them Blade cussed at me " I didn't need your help, whoever you are! I can kill nightstalkers on my own." " Whut was that about? " I asked him.

" They were going to children's parties and feeding on them. Now why are you here?"

" Look tell me one thing an' I'm outta yer hair, does Dracula have any relatives? My Client wants ta know ."

" His son Alucard runs a club called Night Shadows in L.A."

" That's all I needed ta know here's ya sum money fer yer time ."

" Keep your money, If your 'client' will take out Alcurad that makes my job easier."

I went back ta amy office ta find Trunks Waitin' on me I gave him the info, and thought tha arrogant lil' punk would go away. But then he asked " want a little extra money?"

I ended up helping the punk bail out the X-men , Vampirella an, some chippie called Magdelena. The rest of whut happened, is over on Vampirella's and Magdelna's blogs.

Nothin' can stop the Juggernaut 'cept me

2006-02-20T15:03:00.000-08:00

Alright dis pic is here because I called up ol Vegeta on a quiji board and he said to post a pic on blogger then use it on your porfile, We'll see how it works out. I found out .

Me and the kid were fighting the Juggernaut. I kept getting stronger as I got madder, but Marko kept gettin' bigger. " Ha looks like I'll take down two bloggers with one body. " Said Juggernaut. " You and the Green Hulk will die, I'll get more Status Than Dracula for taking down Vegeta."

I heard the rumors that Dracula was havin' some kind 'O Feud wit Big hair . And that the X-men found some kind Conspircy ta kill all the super hero Bloggers I didn't know tha two were related.

Super boy said " Wait are all you guys in like the Legion of Doom or something?"

Legion of Doom? No way those losers, can keep puttin' the JLA In Story books an stuff! We' re the NWO." Not the wrestlers. When The Professor Hulk was in in control, we heard of these guys. I thought Apocalypse killed them all. I was wrong.

" Kon Plan A I yelled." the boy jumped on the armor and used Tactile Telekinisis to open it . I saw the ruby embedded on Cain's chest I grabbed it and started to pull. One problem, Juggernaut's mystic defenses knocked us both back. I started healin' pretty quick.

The kid's magic weakness had him out cold. Ok Time fer plan b. I had super boy bring me a Phantom Zone Projector. When I was tryin' ta find it, Dr Strange's Voice came into my mind . "Juggernaut's power is being augmented by several mages."

" That's about ta be, no longer a problem ." I yelled I used Banner'a Mind ta figure out tha projector. I blasted 'im And he disappeared. In a floating sqare thing . Now Marko is someone else's problem.

In The Phantom Zone

" Man In red armor Kneel Before Zod!"

" Shut up you annoyin' freak 'fore I shut you up . "

Black mail and new partner

2006-02-19T13:53:00.000-08:00

Well a certain professor in West chester has hired me ta take care o' the Juggernaut. Juggy is a tough one ta handle normally but he's somehow growin' an gettin bigger. I called up Dr Strange.

He said " There is some one feeding Marko's gem of Cyttorak even more mystical power. I will try to find a way to stop the feed but you'll have to hold him off Br... I mean Joe ." I decided since Doc Strange was gonna help me fer free I'd let him almost callin' me "Bruce ." go besides I didn't like the Crossroads tha first time.

I thought I needed some more muscle, I may be th' strongest one there is. But wit' magic ya can never be too sure . I looked through the muscle Guys I knew.

Doc Samson? There 's no way besides my past wit' dis dork he'd be askin' Juggeranut about his mother an' how he's feelin' I'd have ta slap green hair half way through, besides that costume hurts my eyes.

Yeah right. Besides tha fact he hates me the Abomination cries when he gets beat too much. I know I usually do tha beatin'

Colussus would be perfect, he's strong and loyal two prblems, one he not too bright, two all the X-men are on some kind o' mission.

I Started lookin fer heroes Out side my neck o' tha woods. I came up wit , Superman the salad brain has fought 'im a couple o' times . My memories from Greenie are pretty spotty, but he seemed tough.

Too bad he don't have no skeletons in his closet. But his kid clone does.

I called ,im ta my office.
" Yo waht the hell do you want?" He asked i gave him all the stuff about money. When that didn't work I appealled to his heroic side . " Look ya grey gargoyle I ain't teamin' up with a leg breaker. "

Then I had ta bring out tha Black mail," look kid ya don't help me dis picture goes out to tha tabloids an' tha pretty lil' Wonder girl ya got a thing fer.

" What? I mean how'd you get that? I can explain...."

" I don't wanna hear it. Are ya gonna help me or not s- boy? "

" Yeah sure"

" Look I need ya ta get sumthin' outta yer pop's Fortress fer plan b. Meet me Jersey.

I leapt a jersey and the kid met me there, The Juggernaut came around a corner

Super boy yelled " He's as big as a house man!"

The Juggernaut said " Hey little people outta the way cause nothin' stops the Juggernaut."
Why does he have ta say that all the time.

Doomed

2006-02-18T14:07:00.000-08:00

This is before that mook Vegeta got 'im self killed . He Looked ariund in his tourist disguise. He seemed uncomfortable as usual. He did what he was supposed ta do, He snuck away from the the group.

Now it 's my turn in this stupid caveman duisguise I attacked Castle Doom. It seems dis dumb beard is intimdatin'. And the club was made of titanium so I could smash the tanks . The good news is they didn,t know it was me so thee heavy stuff wasn,t brought out.

Meanwhile Vegeta put the little gimmack That Richards sent into Doom's computers. The metal faced jerk just had to appear at that moment. An' a course Vegeta had to fight him . Not knowin' some o' the things in his armor could blast things as much as he can wit' his power.

I smashed through the the weak defenses they had and ran up to where I heard the explosions. It was a weird show , wit Doom blastin' an' casting spells and Short stuff's hair getting spiker and more gold.

so whilethey was distracted I turned on the device. And all th e Doom bots in tha place came runnin' and jumped on Doom. " How dare you use the macinations of Doom against him."
" Man! I hate people who talk in third person!" I saidI punched him , " That voice Doom knows you the Hulk!" What he didn't realise was I put another of Richard's little toys on his armor.

He stalled and was stuck. " Now what do we do with him? " asked Vegeta. " Well we could put a hat on 'im and and make him a cursing Garden Gnome Man ! Such Language Doomie! But seriously We let Richarads Do what he wants wit' him. . "

" Yes But no one is going to believe the Doom bots are him." said Vegeta. " Huh? why not ? Iasked " There is a gliche in Richard's program." Sure enough the Doom bots were all doin' somethin' strange. One Was yelling " I love you!" another was doin' Ballet. One was yellin "do the babababababaaaba!"

"Hey we did our job" I said let's go home. I dropped Doom off at the Baxter Building. Richards wasn't there , But I did See Johnny Storm and that chump Grim put Doom in one of those dunkin' machines ya see in the carnival, and there was whole mess o base balls.

When I got back to my home Vegeta left mumbilin' something afer I gave him his cut. ggod riddance. I walked into my new office,. and a certain hairy runt was waitn' on me.

" HeyBub the Professor has job for ya."

Gettin' ready

2006-02-17T18:12:00.000-08:00

"The first thing we need ta do "I told Vegeta Is come up wit sum 'Plausable denability. ' "

"But Why do I need to look like this? " He asked and is there some reason you have brought my family here to see my humilation?"

" Hey we we can't have anyone know it's ya right off. We need Doom ta think yer a tourist . Also I thought it would be funny fer yer wife an' kids ta see ya like this. "

" wait people actually go to Latveria forr tourisim" are they insane?"

" Hmph Your an Idiot." Oh yeah I cin tell already this ain't gonna work out, besides I've been thinkin' about gettin' a diffrenet partner for each fix So after dis Vegeta's done unless I need 'im again.
His cute lil daughter said" Aren't you going to have a disguise Mr Fixit?"

" I guess ,Doom knows about my um other selves but i'm kind ' a loose cannon any ways?"

The Girl said " Hey I got an idea. "

Later
Evreyone else but me was laughin' Here is what the kid put me in
it's a little disturbin'

are ya sure ya wanna see it?

Ok then.

Scroll down.

Vegeta said " Bwhahahahahahahahah! Welcome caveman joe."

" Shaddup."

Oh yeah a different partner each time definatley.

Thanks to Vegeta fer tellin" me about Supload.

Problem the partner

2006-02-16T13:29:00.000-08:00

First Off I hadda re establish myself. You see I've been submerged a while now, while the jolly green goofus has been runnin' free. So I did some lame jobs mostly people who owed money. It's funny how they quick they pay when they see Big Joe comin'.

The next thing I did was buy some new clothes. Becuse the ripped purple pants ain't doin' it fer me.

I go back to the new offices ta see mr Prince of Sayians waitin' on me . " What
is you want with me ? " He asked in that arrogant tone A' his. Kind of reminded me of that mook Namor. I wondered if I made a mistake.

" Well sit yer funny haired self down and let's discuss this ." I said. " I shall stand." he said. Oh yes this working out real well so far. I heard Banner saying. " Quiet you!" I yelled Making Vegeta just stare at me.

" Hm should I leave you alone with you?"

" Look pal ya know of my condition, ya also know why I ain't around during the day. I need someone who can be around during tha day .We all heard of the Magneto thing ya pulled freakin genuis. But ya can keep doin' it fer free or ya make a dough."

"I need you why?"

"Because Mr funny hair I got the connections I know how things work, on this planet, while you only hang around your big hair buddys. "

"You are intriugeing me, maybe for a little while until I get bored ,I suppose. "

Ha problem fixed.

"Well here's our first job, from a Richard Reeds , Probabaly the lamest alias A big brain like Mr Fantastic can come up with . We're gonna fix a problem that goes by the name o' Dr Doom."

Open fer business

2006-02-15T19:27:00.000-08:00

Hey there, I'm Mr Fixit to most Joe ta the few friends I have. Big Joe ta the ladiesI'm Here fer a business oppurtunity. The Oppurtunity is fer ya. Ya see if ya got some kinda problem I can fixit fer ya. That is my name after all. I know just a couple o' rules , no killin' unless they are truly evil that is. And no stealin' fer ya I wanted ta steal I would jest do it.

Now I have a great idea fer a partner, he's bad enough. To break the rules. But not to ecompletely evil he does have a bit of conscience . Only a bit though.

He's been pullin' pranks lately that make me think he' got some talent . Now i'm off ta his blog again ta recruit him.

Big Joe out.