Thursday, October 02, 2008

I hate playin' sidekick

continued from here. Good thing

I'm gettin' paid for this. Trunks an' me are bein' treated like sidekicks by Mirai. Who's barreling into hordes a' demons. We have to watch his back.

“You guys keep up or I'm leaving you!" He growls.

We were wrestling Cerberus the three headed dog that protects the underworld.

"My sword isn't magic like yours." Trunks shouts “just normal metal so bite me!" The two of us knock the monster out.

"The strongest thing on the freakin' and I'm playing second fiddle to lavender fabio!"

Trunks grins “you think that's bad? If he didn't come back in time... I would have been him."

I roll my eyes. “Okay you win."

A new wave of demons goes after Mirai. I knock them all down with a Thunder Clap while Trunks blasts them way.

“Does he even notice he's bein' attacked from all these angles?” I wonder out loud

“No. When it comes to Vampirella he's pretty single minded." Trunks shrugs.

Mirai runs into this with this big dramatic entrance shtick knocking away some magic blade from a naked dude with his sword. “Heh looks like Vampi was a little unfaithful..." I laugh.

“Hulk! Pay attention to the demons after you!"

"Ah screw this I'm sick of all these freakin' mythological creeps they piss me off! No one will like me when I'm pissed!" I stomp the ground under us. Casuing a huge crack in between us and the denizens of Hell sink into lava.

“Yeah baby strongest one there is!" I shout.

“Yeah how do we get back?" trunks whines.

“Hey you and your other self can fly right? And I seen you're dad throw mountain sized rocks, so I'm pretty sure one of ya can carry me."

Trunks shakes his head “Mirai gets the hot vampire... and I get to carry the Hulk oh joy."

" Ain't no fun fer me either ya know what I can probably leap the whole way back ... how about I carry Vampirella, and you two can do whatever ya want?"

“Then I'd have to fish you out of the lava... So what are going to do while Mirai fights that Adam guy?"

I take out some cards. “Got any, money on ya?"

"Aw gambling? Sure why not? Texas hold'em?"

"Whatever game ya wanna lose at is fine wit' me." I grin. "Get ready ta be poor rich boy."

Looks like we're gonna be here fer a while.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Why do I take jobs from the Trunk boys?

I got back to Vegas after the whole SHIELD Red Hulk debacle. I'm happy to say me, and green boy tossed the Professor back into the dark depths of Banner's head. Though Banner is still around.

I'm relaxin' here at the office, after the job from an anonymous source. I'm pretty sure I know who it was since he paid me to chase down the Juggernaut, paint his armor pink, and call him nancy boy over , and over.

I know it's you Xavier. Don't worry you can pay normal price. So I was sittin' in the office, and two Guys who look about the same one with long, hair the other with dorky hair cut come into my office.

I roll my eyes they both got lavender hair, and tails Vegeta's sons. “Hello Joe." the youngest one trunks he calls himself. smiles.

" Whattaya want?" I growl.

Mirai sneers. “We’re going to Hell to save Vampirella. We'll pay you your normal fee, plus expenses. You in or not?"

“Hmm Hell?" I think about the other job I got is to hold down the Rhino so the Vault guards can spray him wit' soap and water. That's its own special kinda Hell.

“Alright Trunk boys I'll do it." I grin.

“Please don't call us Trunk boys.” Mirai states.

“It’s either that or Girly, hair, and Girlier hair." I mean seriously look at 'em. Ya can tell they both got there looks from there mother.

“Trunk boys it is!" The younger one shouts." Mirai glares. “You’re jealous of what I had with Vampi aren't you?"

“Who aint?" I ask. We take a transport plane. And the boys. Give me a low down of the situation.

“So this imp tells ya the only way to get to this Hell is through a mirror, and ya believe 'im?"

“Cabain wouldn't lie." Mirai gripes.

“Reaper maybe not, but the imp could be. Maybe we should visit Dr. Strange..."

“There’s no time!" Mirai shouts." You're just muscle we didn't pay you to think!"

Okay then. Yeah this is gonna be a fool's errand. We fly to Dracula's castle, at guess what freaking California. There go all my preconceptions. We step out, and it Halloween early as a gaggle of vampires swarm us.

I swat knock a few away with a thunder clap while the saiyan boys blast a few others try to bite me, and break there teeth I stomp their heads. “Well that was a nice warm up." I grin.

Mirai smashes in the door, and after we run through a few corridors we find the, man himself.

He tries to talk us. “I am glad you have come.... We can go about saving... What are you doing? “Then the Trunk boys jump him, and people call me angry. All the sudden some red thing with tentacles attacks

“By the Dark One!" Dracula yells fearfully. "Lilith has unleashed that thing to stop you from saving my beloved! It's too powerful none can withstand it."

It starts wrapping around me with those things " Aw hell no!" I scream using my strength against it starts laughing.

“Fool! I can feel great power within you! But I eat power so just keep madder, and I'll become stronger!"

Dammit! I ain't goin' out like a funny color haired Japanese school girl! I ...I... I...

The monster Gasps. “Your power, it's surging what? What is happening? Your color it's changing!"

“Puny tentacle monster... You may be strong but no one is as strong as Hulk! Hulk will smash Puny Monster!"


Monday, July 28, 2008

Robots and Red Hulks

She taunted me with the Death of Caiera. Two Hulks came out of Banner's psyche. They became one. I fought in the arenas of Sakaar. I defeated the Red King. I was called the Green Scar. And this puny cybernetic woman thinks she can just get away with trying to torture me.

She screams, and begs. "Ah, so now that you're fighting me in the real world it’s a whole different tone isn't it freak!" I grab her by the throat.

She suddenly turns." Thank you foolish Monster! Dr. Kate Basil was keeping me locked away from too long, her fear allowed me to free myself. Now that you have served your purpose you will be terminated!"

Her hands turn into metal claws, and she tears into my skin. After I let her go she blasts me several times. Leaving big holes in my body.

“That’s the problem with Banner..." I growl. “Banner has always been a sentimental fool. He thought he could save ya. I know better. Year a monster like me. The only cure for your evil is to kill both of ya."

I punch her out through the cell. “They thought this cell was strong enough to hold me? Ha!"

“You will be terminated!" The robot screams. She smacks my jaw. She tries to snap my neck I thunderclap knocking her away. “All the wounds she gave me heal.

I was about to finish her off when the Red Hulk grabs me from behind. "Time to kill you Puny Banner!"

The robot laughs. “Looks like you're busy I'll leave you two alone." The TX gets away into the night. Damn the Red Hulk has pissed me off for the last time. I break his hold.

"You're actually fighting back? After the ass kicking I gave you last time?” Red Hulk Laughs.

“You didn't fight me the last time, you fought the dumb Hulk. I'm the Hulk that crushed the Sentry, and whose power caused Earth quakes all over the Northeast! Let's see you stand up to my rage you fake!" He didn't

He fell bleeding at this time SHIELD gathers around. “Good work Doctor Banner!" Iron Man claps me on the shoulder. "The Doctor is out." I respond. Slamming his ironclad face into the dirt. “Oh and you can take your Registration Act and put it where the sun don't shine! I'm gonna warn ya all. Leave me alone, or else!"

I leap as they fire their lasers, then I hear them screaming as they battle they fight Red Hulk. Serves 'em right.

A few hours later a skinny dark haired man is seen hitchhiking in nothing but torn pants. The people who pick him up notice the quiet man looks totally defeated. Dr. Banner thought all the Hulks were merged with his own Psyche, instead he may now have a third maybe a fourth Hulk in his brain.

He can hear them all talking in their different voices waiting for either the night, or for some fool to make him angry. He thinks about Dr. Kate Basil, and how lucky she is that she only has one dark half.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Hulk is Free!!!!!

Stupid Samson helped Puny Banner, and Smart Hulk Lock Hulk and grey Hulk in dark place. Now Smart Hulk wants to lock up Hulk's friends, dumb magician, and Shiny Man, Bird nose, Cat girl, and Sword Girl. Hulk doesn't think they can get Fishman,

Hulk used to be mad at magician, but Hulk can't remember why. Hulk is locked in dark place with Grey Hulk. Grey Hulk keeps making fun of Hulk. Hulk wants out.

After long time in Dark place Hulk sees girl, girl that is not girl, but robot, she somehow got into dark place. “Try to keep me locked up will you Dr. Banner?” Robot girl growls. “Prepare to deal with Dreamweaver."

Robot girl turns into monster.

She makes Banner remember bad, stuff. His father hitting him, and killing his mother. Him pushing Rick out of way of green blast that made Hulk. Betty dying. Finding out abomination did it.

Caiera dying and Sakaar exploding. Makes Hulk mad, and the Madder Hulk gets stronger Hulk becomes. Hulk smashes cell open, and runs at monster girl. Monster girl looks surprised. “The Hulk! Banner said you were gone!"

“Banner was wrong! No one can make Hulk go away!"

She makes monsters, and makes Hulk's enemies appear. She laughs. “All the things you fear Hulk! Cower before... Why aren't you afraid?"

“Bah!" Hulk shouts. “Hulk is afraid of nothing! Hulk is the strongest one there is!"

Hulk attacks monster girl, but Monster girl cuts Hulk with claws. We start to wrestle. Hulk getting stronger but she's still strong. “Hey!" Grey hulk yells. “Lemme out!"

"You are Hulk's enemy!" Hulk reminds him.

" No I ain't! Look you might beat her, but if ya lemme out we'll both defeat her quicker!"

" You want to keep Hulk here! So you can be in real world!" Hulk growls.

" I don't like the day pally. You can have it. I want the nights, lemme out, and we can put the Prof, and Banner in here what do ya say?"

For some reason Hulk feels pain in head, and Hulk get image of this fighting Smart Hulk.

" I don't know what you're trying to lock in that cage Banner, and I don't care! You're going to die! Maybe I'll let it out."

" Hulk it's that red pretender! Ya gotta trust Big Joe! Lemme out, and we'll beat sky, and then the Red Hulk!"

Hulk smashes cage! " Aw yeah Big Joe Fixit is back in business! Alright Terminatrix time to face the Hulk tag team!"


Friday, July 04, 2008

The Professor: New career.

Leonard Samson helped once again to reintegrate the various Hulk personalities. Since I registered, and have forced other so called "Superheroes" to do the same since it's the responsible thing to do despite my alter ego Joe Fixit using it as an excuse to line his pockets.

Fury had asked me to help with the freeing of Australia. But Iron Man made a better offer. “You could be the big dumb muscle man for Fury's campaign, or you can use your scientific mind in research, research which could save the world."

I have to admit he had me intrigued. “Okay Stark... I'll look into this but I swear if this leads to me being banished off planet... I'll smash you."

“One World War Hulk was enough believe me." He shakes his head. “Don’t worry I'm not playing any game."

He takes me to West City California, where I'm asked to take my Banner form. While looking over her notes I notice her I notice Dr. Kate Basil's Looking strangely at the two of the teenagers running around the house here, the other dimensional teen version of Tony Stark, and Wolverine's clone.

For a second there I thought I saw a hint of jealousy. I ignore it. And Confer with Dr. Basil, “So you have been trapped with the terminator robot for some time? Lucky you haven't been killed by one of these superheroes, until we can separate you, we’ll put you into a cage that not only The Hulk can break out of. There will be no technology inside and an electromagnetic field so she can't escape ... hopefully."

I took my real form to help build the cage a few miles away from the Legacy house with a few others watching. Probably to make sure I didn't go bezerk. No matter how much I assure them that the days of Hulk rampages are over they'll never listen.

The Hulk is Gone but the Puny Humans never listen. While I did this,
Kate talked to Logan with boobs.

I asked her after the conversation, if she was ready to go.

" Yes time to go."

I look at her, "Don't get your hopes up to much. It could take years to find the answer you seek... You may even not find them. For what it's worth.... I understand."


I take my real form. '' All of the sudden I hear “LET HULK OUT!!!!!!"

“Did you hear that?” I ask looking around.

“Hear what?" She shrugs.

“Never mind."

Monday, May 05, 2008

gettin' paid

So I'm lookin' to get Heroslayer I faked bein' a superhero and lured him out Unfortunately I also broke Vegeta's kids car and had to pay the two girls with new cars to silence 'em. ,I'm takin ' that money outta Slayer's hide I can't wait for the Million dollar Bounty that luthor has promised. He kept usin' all these fun little weapons and crap that well they annoyed me.

I mean come on, if the military can't take me down what's some guy in a fright mask gonna do? Well I found out when he shot me with some kind of gamma gun. it burns and makes fall on my knees. " You should have never tried to face me Hulk! Now you'll die like all the rest."

Really who has this guy actually killed? A bunch of z listers and a sick Superboy clone? He's messin' with the A list now. And he made his first mistake , yeah the Gamma is hurtin' me , but it's also makin' me stronger it's like attackin' Superman with a sun lamp.

I thunder clap and knock loser across the horizon. I leap after him, and tear him out of his armor. " I'm gonna crush ya. Ya shouldn't have made me mad punk."

A voice interrupts me before I smash the loser. " Joe ? How much are you getting paid for this?"

I turn on the interloper It's Deathstroke. " What? You wantin' Luthor's Bounty too?"

" No last time Luthor paid someone it was all fake, but if you want a million here."

He throws me a suitcase. " Okay, and you're doin' this why?"

" Hero slayer owes me, and I always collect on my debts, and now he owes me even more to accept the money to leave him alone?"

I shrug " Yeah why not I'm in this for the moolah anyway. he ain't one of my enemies yeah have fun ya bought yerself a Heroslayer."

I don't know what he wants with 'im and I don't care i got my money so I'm out.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Needin' some money... Or Joe Fixit rides again.

Okay the SHIELD guys tell me that the vengeful personality that did the whole "World War Hulk" thing has submerged again, and are lettin' me work for 'em. Not that I trust Stark as far as Banner can throw him.

Here's the problem: SHIELD don't pay all that much. And really i'm still a freelance guy, And the bills have been piling' up while i was locked up in Gamma Base. I need some money.

Let's see what offers I got : presidential candidates want to kill each other: No.

Some people called the Dreadnoks or somethin' or other wanna kill take out Professor X. Well me and Baldo gotta deal now. I don't mess wit' him, and his buddies don't send me to another planet.

That an' Chuck is a good paying customer. So I ain't killin' off the hand that feeds me. Let's see what else? Ah there's a million dollar bounty on some chump called Heroslayer.

An' From Lex Luthor too, well now this'll be good. He's loaded. I bet this Heroslayer loser will be an easy mark. Heheheh.