Wednesday, December 27, 2006
I'm a logical man, not a monster. The events of the last few days have shown me that I must use all of my energies to rid the world of the Hulk, and Joe Fixit both.
That's why I'm working on the Gamma Extractor. Just when I'm about to test it. This glow dazzles me. When I can see again there is this huge readhaired man in my laboratory.
" Who are you? " I ask. " You look familiar...But."
Meanwhile, in another Universe. The powerful being known as Khaos watches the scene. His General an alternate universe version The Angel asks " Master if your trying to determine how strong Kodiak is why would you send him to that wimp ?"
" Because Bruce Banner is more than he seems. " Khaos tells him telepathically " All that's needed is to add anger. "
The being uses the combined mental might of Onslaught, and Stryfe, to reach out across the void of space time. To make the ever Uncanny Kodiak seem to Bruce Banner to transform into the Abomination.
The red haired man suddenly becomes Emil Blonsky. The man No He's a true monster calling him a man is too good for him, that murdered my wife. My anger is unbelievable at this moment. Wait anger? Nooooooooo RAAAAAAAAARGH! YES! Hulk is free!
Hulk looks over , at machine, That Puny Banner wanted to use to kill Hulk. Hulk smashed Puny Machine! Hulk feel weird Someone in Hulk's head! Raaargh! Get out of Hulk's Mind!!!
Back in the other Universe... Khaos Is forced out the Hulk's mind violently. " I don't believe it! He pushed me out of his head, but no matter what What I wanted has been accomplished Once The Brute sees Kodiak, He'll attack him.
Hulk Look around. Big Ears is gone. All Hulk see is red haired man. Wait Hulk know him. Bear Man! " You!" Hulk yell. " Your Bear Man that act like little claw man!You tricked Hulk then acted like you beat Hulk! After that You then date Cousin Jennifer, then Break her heart!"
" Yeah that's me Hulk." Bear Man says.
" Bah! Hulk will show You ! Hulk Will smash Bear Man and prove to him That Hulk is strongest one there is!"
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Hulk not sure why people Hulk knows wahave turned into little kids, but Hulk will give them presents anyway. Though Lil' Iron Man will only get coal He's been really bad this year.
Hulk wonder why Cousin Jennifer is crying. Probably because she got turned into little kid. Hulk Is not sure that Claw Man is really turned little he was pretty small when Hulk first met him.
Hulk wish you Happy Holidays.
Monday, December 18, 2006
" Your not the Hulk I was expecting."
" Well Big green an' stupid couldn't come out an' play Leader. Ya got me instead."
" Well maybe this could help with my plans ." He leers " You'll at least know that there is no hope in struggling against me , while your Green Counterpart Would stupidly rail against me."
" Well I guess I ain't as smart as you thought I was Sterns. Because I'm about ta crush ya into jelly."
He puts his hand up in a "stop " gesture. " Look at us we were both created by the Gamma ray, we should not fight we should both rule over the inferior humans."
I laugh at that, " Yeah well I'll tell ya somethin' I have the power to get what I want already. "
He looks shocked. " That stupid building, and the women you sully yourself with are all you want? Surely you jest."
" Money ,shelter , Women, clothes , respect. That's all I need. Not all of us are megalomaniacs like You Leader."
" So sad ." He shakes his head " Unlimited power but so limited by your imagination. I will give you one more chance to join me willingly my Gamma brother."
" I ain't got no Brother. The only family I need is my cousin."
" Well it looks I'll have to force you." he pushes some button. And this massive pain Starts goin' all over my body. " I will break you Hulk!"
You'd think after all this time He'd figure it out. Pain just gets me mad And the Madder I get the stronger I become. Including' my healing ability. Finally I feel this Explosion inside And the pain stops.
" Impossible!" he shouts. " Your healing power destroyed my control device. "
" An' your Next!" I growl.
Then he shouts somethin' that confuses me. " Harpy to my aid!" Next thing I know I'm blasted from behind I turn to see her.
So Bubble brain turned the Betty Clone into a Harpy? Well isn't that special. She blasts me again. " Not even you can survive my Hell bolts! You should have bowed to my Leader."
" Sorry he ain't my type." Now this sucked. She had the range and the blasts so Ok these things are Gamma powered meaning they hurt. Then I see something I need lead shielding from a chamber where Leader conducts his experiments.
I tear a piece of it off and toss it at her. Her first instinct is to zap it which does nothing she's then smacked by it. I jump on it and wrap it around her body to prevent anymore " Hell bolts."
Again. I'm blasted from behind this time by some doo hickey The Leader Came up with. " You don't deserve the power of the Atom Banner ! So now I take it from you ! "
He was suckin' out my Gamma radiation. I was getting weaker by the second. No! No way! Am I lettin' Banner be rid of me! I charge the Leader, and by the time I get to'im I'm crawling my skin turnin' pink.
" He was putting the power into himself he was growin' lookin' all weird. " The Power The Power" With my last bit of strength I break the machine Knockin' Leader into a bunch of other tech it explodes somehow the gamma energy goes back into me .
My skin is back to healthy Grey. I'm about to leap out When Harpy screams. " Hulk! The computers you smashed their causing a chain reaction! The whole base is about to explode! Save me!"
" Why Should I?" I ask.
" I can make you feel good, just like last like the other time Please!"
I snort . " Sorry lady! I ain't into green bird women with Banner's dead wife's face." I leap out of the ceiling and away from the place before it blows up to High Heaven. Damn ! I don't know where I am or how I'll get back to Vegas. Looks like I better start leapin'
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
For some reason Fixit has been keeping me away from Betty. Probably so he could see that brain dead girl Karen Tart. When I finally get back to Vegas. I find her in some hotel.
I ask her to lunch. After spending the whole day together I ask her. " I thought you were dead. How did you survive The Abomination's blood poisoning?"
" Let's not talk about that. " She answers " Let's go to your place."
The next few hours are wonderful. After wards, she offers me a drink, " To keep up my strength."
That reminds me to look at the clock , good a few more hours before I transform into Joe. Then I feel weak, and sick . The TV In turns itself on.
" Hello Dr Banner." Says the figure.
"Leader?" I question. I can't believe this. My head's swimming what's wrong with me?
" Now this is a first." boasts the green head on my television screen."The Hulk smarter than Bruce Banner. I thought that Jo Fixit would keep you away from my clone of your dearly departed wife, and I'd have to go with a new plan. But you obliged me by falling into my trap. It's been a while huh Bruce?"
" What do you want this time Mad man?" I try to sound more confident than I am.
He laughs. " I Want the Hulk to be agent of conquest. All these years. I've been trying to destroy him, when I should have been using him. Well That's all we have time to discuss for now My dear Doctor, since by my calculations your about to black out." He turns to the Betty clone. " If you would please bring him to me."
The last thing I hear before I'm plunged into darkness is " Yes my Leader."
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
He shot spikes at me that just bounced off my skin. I knocked 'im out with my index finger. Next up was Doctor Octopus. Now this guy I don't like.
Ya see sometime back He beat up the prof with Adamantium arms. Now why the Professor Hulk didn't just grab on to one of the arms an use him as a yoyo, I don't know.
Well today I took back the reputation of the Hulk. He was bragging about how he got adamntium arms again, and how they were unbreakable. He wraps around me I then punk this loser.
"You know now that yer arms are unbreakable, that just means ya can't get away! "
I leap over the city. That's the thing about New York that 's different than Vegas, In Vegas they'll be gawkers are betters or somethin' But here in the big Apple the superfights aren't worried about unless they get near someone.
So no one notices the big Grey man with a fat octopus attached to him leapin' by. He lets go An' I grab the arms " Aw we aint done yet Octavis." I land on top a The Baxter buildin'. And I spin around like I was a fair ride or somethin'.
After he throws up he sobs he surrenders.
" Yer dang right ya do pal " I gruffly say As I tie him up to a flag pole with his arms. Upside down.
When I get my money I see Wonder tickling Doc Ock as other SHIELD agents try to get him outta the way so they can arrest Ock. Look I whisper in the Black Widow's ear " That guy needs a girlfriend." Before leapin' back to Vegas.
I see I got several job offers while I was away, that and some reports on the where abouts of some other Thunderbolts. Looks like The Punisher took care of Jack O' Lantern, and The Jester. Pfft those two were posers anyway.
The church wants me to kill the Magdelena? Uh uh I ain't a hitman. Especially not of the few people who treat me like I'm somethin' else besides a monster.
Here's an interestin' one Prof X wants me to collect some money from the Henchman. Hmmm I might just do that. Then this blindin' light surprises me. Outta it jumps Doc Strange.
" My Friend you are needed!" he states melodramaticly.
I snort "Ya got some nerve pal. Ya send me out into space then pretend we're friends?"
" He seems hurt... " It was for the greater good..."
" No! It was because you fools were self righteous, thinkin' I was some kind of danger so ya take me off the game board! That you Stark, Richards, Namor and Xavier think of the world as."
" Look you've reconciled with Professor X You can do so with me as well, or not but your needed The Defenders Are once again called into action!"
" Like I'm goin' any where with you two so ya can stab me in the back again? No way!"
Strange shakes his head. " For what it's worth, Namor was against sending you into space."
"Who's goin' to stop ya from betrayin' me again eh?" As in answer The Silver Surfer, comes out of the portal " I will." He states.
I 'd heard Surfer was Galactus' Herald again. If he left the big guy it must be serious.
" Ok but if there's any funny business I'm tearin' all three of ya both apart." I can't believe i'm doin'' this but I go into the portal with my old teammates .
Friday, November 17, 2006
He was in a room on the top floor. Some waitress massaging him. No accountin' for taste I guess.
" Who are or what are you Grey man? " He utters. " The name's Joe Fixit. An I'm bringin' you in."
You and what army bug?"
Next thing I know a shot that would tear a normal person's head off knocks me outta the building. The problem is it just makes me mad. The Madder I get the stronger I get.
I land on my feet, and leap straight into him. My fists landing in his jaw. He falls back on a car crushing it. " That almost hurt." he laughs.
He charges me and clotheslines me in to a building. He starts trying to crush my head in his hands. I kick him in the groin. While he's clutching himself I knock him into the sewers underneath the city.
He fires some big green blast at me that explodes around a gas mane, the Hell. That engulfs me . I'm half burned into a crisp.
" Pathetic!Too bad you are not that Hulk creature I've heard so much about a creature called the Hulk on this world too bad your not him now that would be a fight."
This gets me riled up real good. " Stop comparin' me too him! I hate that!" My anger heals my wounds. I slam into this punk and knock him into the the city skyline I jump after him.
Half way too him I'm blasted by another stupid green energy bubble. " Well you made me bleed. Good for you." The sicko laughs. " That's an accomplishment. Too bad it made you sick you look a little green"
What the? I'm blackin' out he didn't hit me that hard. Puny Grey Hulk. Thinks He's strong. But Hulk is strongest one there is. Hulk glare at funny hair man. He look surprised at Hulk.
" You've changed creature." He tell Hulk. " I get it you and that grey buffoon are both The Hulk huh?"
" Fake Grey Hulk is not Hulk Funny hair man ! Hulk Is Hulk!"
" I see. You've turned as stupid as I used to be. Too bad now I'll kill you easily! Oh by the way my name is Brolly not funny haired man. "
Talk Talk talk. That's all people ever do to Hulk. Words confuse Hulk. " Hulk doesn't care what your name is Broccoli! Hulk Will Smash ! Bad man for trying to do bad things too Hulk's little friend!"
He giggle at Hulk. " That whore Princess? Bah ! That was my revenge on both the royal Family and Kakarot! Too bad I didn't win that Slut! She looks like she can bend all kinds of ways!"
" Stop talking about Hulk's friend! Hulk will shut you up for good!"
Hulk grabs him by the neck he breaks Hulk's grip and punched Hulk's nose. He then kick Hulk in tummy. Hulk hit him back hard he go through puny human big house called sky scraper Hulk thinks.
He fires big green ball of energy. Hulk slams his hands together in Thunder clap. Big ball fall apart. " impossible!" cries Broccoli.
Now it's Hulk's turn to laugh. " Hulk Can do anything!" Hulk yells. Before jumping on funny hair man Then Hulk smashes him real good. His bones crack and he cries Now he knows He's not stronger that Hulk No one is.
I wake up and the whole freakin' area looks crushed. Brolly's all broken up and bleedin' I musta done this. Though I don't remember it. A light suddenly blinds me.
it's SHIELD craft they manacle The saiyan and put 'im in some kinda cryogenic chamber. " Good work Fixit." Says some agent I've never seen before. " Here's your money."
" Wait where's Fury ?" I ask.
" He's been put away for a long time after beating up the Black Widow, Though Since Mr Tony Stark is getting better Well Agent Mirai Trunks seems to be sponsoring him to be our next director. And It looks like he'll get the job."
Iron Man Director Of SHIELD? That ain't good news for anyone.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Friday, November 03, 2006
So here I am with this thing well it don't look like it knows what to think of me so I toss a car at it. That gets the desired response it blasts me. "Oh man !" Yell " Not another one of my suits!"
I hear that distinctive "Snikt!" Of Wolverine's claws. I turn " Ok whattya doin' here?
" Ya know Bub, ya really shouldn't wear suits in a battle." he growls.
" " yeah I don't wanna look like a skunk like ya do all the time. " I respond. " So whattya gonna do to the Destroyer? hairy, and short all over it?"
" Yer a riot Hulk." he runs up an' slashes the armor. And The armor kicks him through a jewelry store. Ok my turn. I punch it through a couple of sky scrapers. It charges me and lands a punch on my jaw cracking it. It heals .
But it does make me mad. Really mad I knock the suit into the street. It comes back up behind me and blasts me in the face. Then it slams it's hand in side my chest. I fall down.
At this moment Logan decides to be stupid again. And jumps right in front a of blast, from that visor thing on it's face. It does this too him Though I don't know how.
I laugh " You know that's a good look for ya there Logan. Ya look a lot better. "
The Destroyer turns I spear tackle him. It knocks me off then it suplexes me into a bus. I grab the street beneath it's feet. And pull it. makin' the thing lose it's footing. I then use the pavement in my hands to pummel it .
The Tin can gets up and opens it's visor perfect. I grab it and close it before it it blasts. The Destroyer collapses. Wolverine (still with half his skull exposed)sort of hobbles over to me.
" So bub , what are ya gonna do with that?"
" Don't worry freak face." I retort. "Xavier just paid me to stop it , he didn't say he wanted it. So I'm keepin' it as a trophy. "
I wrap it in metal of a car, and start leapin back to Vegas. Man this gonna make one ugly , but cool decoration.
Later when the sun comes up and Fixit reverts to Banner. " Son Goku walks around the inside Fixit's Penthouse. " hey Joe are ya here? Wanna spar you see I got this big fight coming up and woah!"
At the sound Of Goku's voice the Destoyer wakes again.
TBC In Son Goku's Blog.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
O' Course Kristy ain't believin'' the fact I ain't Banner. Yeah we share the same body but I am not that weak panty waist. I don't need him but he needs me . Because with out me he'd be hiding under a bed cryin' about how mean Daddy was.
Any way I was in my bulllding' when I get this phone call. It was surpisin' that it turned out to be Professor X. I can't believe his nerve after being part of the group that sent me too space.
He made some excuses sayin' he didn't know what was goin' on in the room, It was all Reed Richards' doin' all that. I'm tired of hearin' it after all this time. I ask the prof. " Whattaya want?"
" Well Joe the Destroyer has just rampaged through my school. I was wondering if you could take care of it for me."
There are a few things that can challenge those X-kiddies. Well The Destroyer is one of'em. This robot armor thing, that needs a soul to activate it. It was made by Odin, to stop some Celestials, and the thing is a tough nut to crack. Even for me The Hulk.
I demand quadruple my usual rate, and he agrees to pay it. That shocked me a little ,it must be important for some reason , to him to take down the Destroyer. That's fine I kinda' like the "heroes " callin' me in to help with their problems.
I know they don't trust me, but they need my strength so for right now, They ain't gonna try somethin' like that again. Well as long as I keep the other Hulk's in check.
After the money appears in my Bank Account. I start leapin' to New York. I know I could have taken' a plane but it's faster for me to leap, and I don't have to watch any crappy movies. Watch out ya Hunk O' tin. I'm comin' fer ya.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Well ant way, Nick " One eye" Fury wanted to see me about something. Well I get there and he's babblin' somethin' about the " TX" and ' " Tasha whoever the The hell that is.
The TX I know pretty well though. " If This is about Magneto's Love toy I'll thrash her again, for a fee."
" No she's dead! I'm gonna kill that damn Robot!" he answers.
" Ok then." I shake my head. "Look Old man ! You better not have brought me here to waste my time!"
Fury finally get himself together, and says. " Look I have to get Back to the Helicarrier, Dun Dum Dugan will fill you in on why we've called you."He then hurried runs out the door Ok I'm gettin' a little annoyed here.
Dugan walks in and opens a suitcase."These are the members of the Civil; War experiment called "Project Justice Like lightning." The escaped custody during a riot."
I laugh." So lemme get this straight you put a whole bunch O' villains on you payroll to capture heroes. When they do what crooks tend to do, escape. Now you want me to catch them right?"
Dugan sighs. " Look for each one of these guys you can track down , and catch, we'll give you and whoever you work with a fair price based on how dangerous and powerful they are. Does that sound good to you?"
I snort." No, You give me my normal fee, I ain't bein' lowballed."
" He shakes his head. " The least dangerous one will be twice your normal fee, Fixit."
My jaw drops. Dugan smiles " I'll take that look as you saying we have a deal Lad."
" Wait a sec. Could you guys do me a favor?" I question
" Depends on what it is Hulk."
" Well banner's wife Betty has mysteriously popped up alive could ya guys look into it for me?"
" What? Ok sure we'd be very interested to now how she pulled off that trick ourselves."
" Good doin' business wit' ya then." I grin.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Yuck I'm gonna go wash that hand, in battery acid. On to more pleasant things. Kristy got a hold of me an' we were goin' out, well her darn sister had to go too. Tch! Fine.
the dinner went alright ' cept Karen kept lookin' at me diapprovingly , and askin' are you still taking money to beat up people ?"
" I dunno know girl. Are ya still datin' a homicidal maniac?" I sneer.
She puffs up " I'll have you know Cabain is now a police officer!"
" Ah so now it's legal for him, to be homicidal then?" Heh. That was a good one.
" Look here Fixit! " She screams. " You have his Father, as some kind of business partner. He's a lot worse than Cabain ever was."
I chuckle at that one. " At least he admits it, and doesn't care what anyone thinks about him, that I can respect."
Kristy kept tryin' to get us to stop fighting. As time went on . I tried ta get Kristy to go to my place Of course Karen, just hadda play chaperone. So we get there, and I get an unwelcome surprise.
" There's an old lady in your building." squeals Karen.
" Bruce who are these People?" Asks Betty, indignantly.
Karen looks around, " Where where's Bruce?"
Betty gives me the ol' stink Eye. " You didn't tell them did you Bruce?"
"Fixit, who is this?" questions Karen, tapping her foot.
" I'm Betty Banner, his wife. Ladies I'd like you to meet Dr. Robert Bruce Banner."
Karen gasps " Banner that's the name of..."
Kristy jumps up and down " Who? Who? Why won't somebody. Please tell me what's going on?"
Betty shakes her head. " Look Bimbo He's the Hulk. As in the Incredible."
Damn it! Stupid Betty First callin' Bruce then tellin' 'em who I really am. Why can't dead people just stay dead?"
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Well When I tell them where they can stick their offer. They attack me along with Wonder man. Richards bounces at me like a ball. I pull a lamppost out the ground and hit him away for a home run I hope he enjoys whatever country he landed in heh.
Meanwhile I'm fighting with Iron man , and Wonder man.
I crushed Iron man's chest plate, and gave a special message to the Old Hollywood dork.
So after I leave them broken, and bruised. I find my self a nice little place in the woods, where I can be left alone. But do People leave me alone? Nooooooo! Capitan America, And Wolverine have to show up and mess and try to recruit me for there side. And here's my answers to both of them.
I think I'm going To wait until this war's final battle, Then I'm going to crush the winning side. That way , no one will ever mess with me again.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
" Yeah." I mutter.
" Good,there's so many of you Will you help me save the Henchman?"
" Banner's messed up, and who said I was your errand boy Koma?"
" Oh no reason, it's just my friend is fighting vegeta , that's all." he answers.
" He's been bragging he's the strongest in the Universe, since he beat Superman."
" Heh. Nice trying to play on my vanity. Alright Koma I'll bite. Besides that arrogant little alien has had a beating coming for some time now . Take me too him."
He opens a portal where I appear behind him. The super powered Napoleon was fighting demons, Koma appeared in front of him His little synth girl found The magdelena , and got her outta of some burning building.
Koma and the Veg head exchange some words, then He points at me and jumps through the portal dragging along Henchman, He'd better open me a portal back to Earth if he knows what's good for him.
I challenge him with "Your the one who keeps bragging he's the strongest in the Universe! Now you'll have to face the strongest one there is !"
He eats some kind of bean, and his wounds close up and he no longer looks tired.
the saiyan charges me while flying then unleashes a hay maker , on my face. I laugh " That it?" " I then show him what a punch should feel like . As I knock him out of the city.
I leap after the punk,and get blasted into the dirt. He lands all kind of kicks an d chops, and punches, I can't believe this.
" Your supposed to have beat Superman? What did he do? Slip on all the blood you were dripping all over the place?"
" Why? Do I not have my Power?" He screams at no one. " Wait ! That's it the weakling has It! Hey wimp! Give me my strength!"
Then his voice changes, " But I'm pain ting my ship pretty colors."
" The Hell? Give it too me now Or come up to Sky city and Take it!"
I ran at the nut I wasn't going to let this fight end because he decided to have a nervous break down. He blasted me I grabbed it in my hands and started pushing it towards him.
He shouted " I need all of my strength now you pale imitation of me Give it too me now !"
Then his voice changes again,." Okay fighting's icky any way take it ."
Then some kind of power comes down from a nearby satellite. He turns into that weird " super saiyan 4 " form. His blast increases in intensity, and Hurts Hulk. I mean me .
My skin is burned off Hulk heals pretty quick though. He flies at me faster than Hulk could blink. His punches crack bones , Damn it I let my arrogance over whelm me and didn't let myself get angry enough.
But Now Hulk Mad! He Hit s me with an uppercut that throws me into a mountain, it crumbles on me. He then unleashes more energy blasts. " Ha! Another one bites the Dust !" Yells Funny hair man at Hulk .
Argh! No I can't let him free... I want to beat him not Nooooo! Puny Fake Hulk, no longer in way. Funny Hair man laughs then says something like " Wait a second his power level just went up immensely."
Hulk breaks free of big rocks. " Funny hair man is strong but not Stronger than Hulk ! " Hulk tells him ." No one is stronger than Hulk Monkey guy , and Hulk will show you that ! Hulk will Smash!
Thursday, September 14, 2006
I wake up and a lot of the x-men are staring at me.
Storm orders " Do not move Dr Banner !"
" please Storm." I answer. " Don't threaten me, we know what happens when I get angry, and I Don't know about you but I like my self as me."
" You sniveling little worm ! How dare you speak to me like that!"
I ignore her ever since I was sent to that planet the Hulk has been in charge , except for a brief time when I freed myself. I know with Onslaught around I'll have to turn back into him soon, but I want to enjoy, being Bruce Banner while I can.
I look at Cyclops, whose hiding behind Colossus. I do not see Wolverine anywhere . Good. Him and my alter egos mix about as well as oil, and water. " Scott I would like to offer you my help."
" Do not speak to the fool ! " Screeches Storm. "I 'm leader here Banner! , and I do not trust your or the green thing you become!"
I just glare at her then I smile a Joe Fixit smile, " You can have The Incredible Hulk with you or against you what's your choice?"
Saturday, September 09, 2006
" Yeah that's right, I'm Big Joe Fixit ! An' I'm back!" I say at the green gladiator Hulk. I look behind 'im Onslaught, so that explains why I'm in the same place at the same time as him.
" I'm gonna take ya down! Then I'http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.spell.gif
Check Spellingll be top dog!" I challenge.
The other Hulk turns his back on me . " I don't know what kind of trick your pulling here Onslaught, But it's not going to work! I'm still going to smash you into bite sized pieces."
No one ignores Joe Fixit! I Punch him in the back. He elbows me in the nose.
" So your not just a hologram huh? Or maybe the crab man is using his telepathy to make me think your actually hurting me. Either way your going down fake boy."
" I'm as much the Hulk as you are buddy!" I say throwing a hay maker he catches, he crushes my fist then lands a shot in my jaw that throws me through a wall. " Ya just don't get it do ya. The madder I get the stronger..."
He interrupts" Oh shut up! Even if somehow you are Fixit , It doesn't matter We have the same powers , and I can madder a lot faster than you, besides I start off from a lot higher base than you do !You have no chance against me!"
He grabs me and puts me in a head lock. Then he moves his arms an' starts squeezin' my head. A voice that sounds very similar to ours " Is that any way to deal with is a part of us? Well your all just a part of me any way, and it's time I retook control of my mind. "
We turn to see the Professor Hulk.
The Gladiator Hulk let's me go " What is this? This is your life? Look On slaught throw all the aspects of me you want! It's still gonna end the same way me crushing your armor."
Prof. Grabs Glads, " No one can stop the Onslaught!"
Glads looks surprised. " Oh yeah Onslaught did use you as a pawn once didn't he?" Glads smacks Prof. " That won't stop me none of this will stop me! Your all fake ! I'm the real Hulk!"
A growl comes from no where. The the wall of the mansion is knocked down and, We're all shocked to see Salad Brain, comin, outta a storm.
" Your not Real Hulk! Hulk is Hulk! Hulk will smash all of you puny fakes!" He jumps on me first after battling for a little while I figure what's goin' on. Onslaught is makin' us all fight each other.
"Salad brain ! Stop it I'm not the enemy!" I yell.
" Hulk Doesn't Care!" he raves !" Hulk only cares about shutting fake Hulk up!"
Finally he knocks me down hard then he pounds Glads down"
Joe are you alright?" I hear from a puny Voice. " Banner! Why the Hell did Onslaught manifest you?"
" I'm not sure he did I think maybe Professor X did." He says.
" Then X is loonier that we thought. What are you gonna do ? cry on everyone ?"
Mean while Prof is raving to dumbo how he should serve Onslaught.
" Smart Hulk, may be controlled by red man ! But no one controls Hulk! " He then slams Prof into the ground. Then dummy is knocked down by something. After a quick battle I see what it is . The one hulk I didn't wanna see here the mindless one!
He glares at us all. Then let's out a huge roar. " GRRRRRAAAAAAAAA!"
We all get ready to battle. When Puny Banner gets between us . " Hulks! Stop fighting each other! It's him It's Onslaught who's trying to use all of us! Your always saying your the strongest one there is prove it! Stop Onslaught!"
Prof 's mind clears " Yes No one tells me what to do! Your going to pay the price of messing with me freak !"
" Hulk Will Smash crab man !"
I let out a laugh what are we waitn' for?"
Glads just says " This isn't over., but first let's teach crab man a lesson!"
Thursday, September 07, 2006
He leaps at me through the door . " I was gonna leave the country but I guess I'll take ya out before I go."
He leaps right into my fist.
Thing gets in some good punches. Bit he's nothing compared to me I'm the strongest one there is. When I was about to finish, him I feel a force field around him?
" Okay Invisible Woman you might as well show your self." I order.
Now she's the one who starts acting all confident." Why are you here endangering my children Hulk? Your always saying you just want to be left alone. Why are you attacking our home?"
" Forget the posturing." I say. "Just tell me where your rubber man, husband is ."
" I wish I knew ." She answers." He's out helping Tony Stark with his stupid war. They're putting our friends in prison for not going along with the Registration Act."
What's a registration Act? Doesn't matter, so the superheroes are at war. I can use that. Then I hear this noise like Voip! I turn around , and see this guy in a hood.
" I know you from somewhere." I say.
" Of course you do Hulk I'm Capitan Koma
" Yeah I remember you. Fixit met you your Magneto's flunky."
He spits" "I'm no one's flunky. Look I know you have no reason to trust me, but I know your not afraid of me your not afraid of anything. I hear your after Xavier. I can give Xavier what do you say?"
" Your only wanting me to take down baldy, to accomplish some goal of yours huh?" He nods. " What do I care? I want my revenge so Take me to him."
I'm teleported, right next to him . Except Xavier was gone, It was Onslaught. I utter
" Hulk Smash Red Man."
"FOOLISH HULK! I KNOW YOUR MIND IS NO LONGER CLOUDED!"
" It was worth a try Baldy. I see you just couldn't take the stress of your little dream, not working out, or did something bad happen between you and the little catholic chick. Ya just couldn't take it anymore and you let Onslaught out to play again huh?"
This sick laughter comes from the metal king crab YOUR ONE TO TALK BANNER! YOU RELEASE A HALF TON OF RAGE EVERY TIME YOU STUB YOUR TOE! YOU KNOW I MUCH PREFERRED YOU WHEN YOU TALKED IN THIRD PERSON! BEHOLD MY MIGHTY HAND!
A blast hits me, it doesn't seem to do anything.
" Your getting weak in your old age Onslaught. Now get ready to get ripped outta your Armor Punk!"
Then I hear this voice behind me . " Ya ain't rippin' no one outta no where ya mook! In fact yer gonna get a whuppin' for keepin' me repressed do long!"
I realize that's my voice. What I see next is impossible. " Whatta ya lookin' at? It's really me ya poser Big Joe Fixit. An' I'm back."
Monday, September 04, 2006
Whatever I'm going to crush them all! I jump in on the fight. I slap away Warbird, who flies after me I don't know which side she's on and don't care. I slam into Iron Man.
He turns on me saying " Hulk! Bruce we what we did was for your own good..."
" Don't give me that Crap Stark! You people are all afraid of me!Your also Jealous of my strength! No one is stronger than me and that eats everyone of you up doesn't it?"
He blast those puny repulsors at me . I'm knocked back a little bit, but that's not a problem. I walk through the blasts and right up to Iron man . I tear off the billonare pissant's armor.
I'm suddenly struck by thunder. Stark runs away. I turn to see Thor. So that wannabe god still hasn't learned You don't mess with me.
Looks like I'll have to reeducate him. I punch him in the jaw then he hits me with that stupid hammer. It shocks me , but all that does is make me mad . I get stronger he doesn't.
We go back and forth I hit or kick him, and he throws thunder at me , or hits me with the hammer, blabbing how he's the son of Odin and all that. Finally he gets smart and flies above me firing bolts at me from there.
Ok So I Throw a gas truck at him. You know it's weird the whole time I'm having to slap some sense in another costumed goon while doing this. Any way it explodes in his face. It didn't really hurt him but it did surprise him .
I leapt on him and Beat him silly.
Then I'm blasted by another repulsor Ray I turn around and see ironman in another Hulkbuster armor I charge him and I'm punched in the face. And knocked through a building. I Leap out, and he blasts me again. He does pretty good until he makes the dumb mistake of trying to strangle me.
I pull his arms off of my neck then he tries to out Power me. I rip out some circuits and And squeeze him in the armor, Then I toss him into The Hudson river. After beating down the other heroes, especially that doofus Hank Pym I leap towrds my next target, The Baxter Bulding.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Cyclops was easy enough, I walked through is beam like a duck through water. When I got close the punk went into the fetal position. Now Wolverine is another matter. No matter how many times I knock him down he keeps getting back up .
So I threw him into some room where there was this chair and a helmet hooked up to it , and not much else. We thrash the place . Finally Wolverine is buried under the debris.
Warbird goes all crazy at this moment and blasts me , it moves me back a little . Then she tries punching me. " You may be strong girl. " I say but not enough to do any damage to the Hulk."
I powerbomed her through the floor . Next up I'm blasted by all these saiyans and Storm together. Now this hurts . I stomp the ground . Knocking any heroes off their feet.
I then grab Goku's leg and use him like a club to knock down any of the flying ones. This is going well until they all regroup the big metal Russian idiot throws the runt at me. I punch him up into Trunks. His arm gets slashed.
Colossus tries to fight me in hand to hand, not a good idea against the me I Kick him into the hangar and. Beat him over the head with the their planes . The place starts to crumble from all the fighting.
I grab the one eyed wimp and scream in his face " Where's Xavier?"
" He's gone , he left to help Jon the intergalactic Gladiator, with a mission in Space." Damn it!
" If you make it though this alive pretty boy." I growl. " Tell Xavier I'm coming for him!" I drop him and pull the support beams of the mansion Making debris fall all over them.
Good I leap away, looking to find Reed Richards or Tony Stark next.
Meanwhile the heroes pull them self out of the debris. Shi sees Wolverine go pull his motorcycle from the wreckage.
" Good it ain't damaged."
" Where are you planning on going?" asks Shi.
" Ya saw what he just did didn't ya he's more dangerous then he 's ever been. I'm gonna go an put an end to him for good."
" Logan that's crazy talk !"
" Good thing I'm crazy then."
" What do you think he wants with the Professor?"
" Don't know , and don't care, All I know is he has ta be stopped. Stay here an' help the X-men get any body trapped outta there."
Wolverine jumps on his Motorcycle and drives off towards the green Goliath.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Banner it must be ! He sabotaged my settings! I became angry and punched several trees. Then these armored things swarm me talking about " the Mistress." someone else that wants a piece of the Hulk I see.
I Thunder clap and knock them all back . " Puny armored men are like puny humans , and the puny pinkies, They never leave me alone! They just keep messing with me ! Pushing me ! Now I push Back!"
I start slamming them with a huge boulder the shape of a club, some of them try to poke me with theses stupid knives. They break against my skin. I see this castle., and some girl. I reconise her one of the X-men!
I leap at her and some kind of invisible shield stops me. I'm not letting that stop me. I start punching it. She laughs until cracks form in it. Then her eyes widen in surprise. I love it when that happens.
" So the rumors are true ? You have infinite strength."
" I'm the strongest one there is! And you'll find that out personally if you don't take me to Xavier!"
She starts laughing again! This annoys me. " I don't see what's funny mutie!"
" Well first off you calling me a " mutant"I'm a goddess!"
" Thor's claimed that as well, I've fought him to a standstill more than once. Next time I meet him I'll finish him! You too unless you give me what I want!"
She smirks " Revenge on the ' illuminati?' "
" Get out of my Head!"
" Tell me Dr Banner, what do you think of the death of every human on the Earth?"
" I'm not Banner! And I don't care what happens to them. As long as I'm left alone ."
That's when I figured out what was going on. This girl has gone nuts. Whatever If she wants to play super villain it's not my business.
She' was reading my thoughts the whole time. " Ok I'll send you back to Earth. We both have the same goal. The Death Of Professor Charles Xavier. Since you won't interfere in my plans There's no reason I couldn't send you back."
She waves her hands next thing I know I'm in New York. But the place has been trashed. I see a paper the headline says" Registration act law." I have no idea what that is. Or what happened to the city. What I do know I have to choose which one of those traitors gets smashed first.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
After Fixit's fight with Henchman, Banner was offered a chance to save the world. I stopped the Rouge S.H.I.EL.D. Satelite. They lied to us saying it was a Hydra device then Xavier, Doctor Strange, Reed Richards and Tony Stark took control of the shuttle I was riding on. They sent me into space.
I ended up on a planet where I fought as a gladiator. I Took care of the punks that thought they could control The Hulk. Now I've found a way back to Earth. If I were you I wouldn't sleep well at night.
Your powers, and weapons won't save you this time. You puny humans have betrayed the Hulk for the last time. Just know I'm coming for you Especially the ones who call themselves " The Illuminati." You've made me angry. No one will like me when I'm angry.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
I had the Henchman pretty well beaten , until he yelled " overdrive!" A red aura forms around the kid's body and hall the sudden he hits like Thor . I recognize that trick . That bum Goku's been teaching him.
Heh I guess Henchman ain't heard the madder I get the stronger I get! He slams me with axe handle punch. He then tries to hit me with a spin kick I grab his foot pick him up by the leg And use him like a tennis racket against the cage.
His demon friends come in, an I pull them in and crush them up into their master.
" Give up boy! Ya ain't gotta chance. " I say ta him Hey I was feelin' generous.
The red aura gets brighter he smashes free from the monsters. He puts me in a front face lock.
I laugh " I watch Wrasilin' too." I push him offa my head, Put him up inna airplane spin then I finish the combo with a Northren Lights Suplex.
He gets back up and busts my jaw with a few punches. I chuckle as it heals up almost instantly. " One last chace to give up."
" Why would I do that?" he asks .
I charge at him yellin " Cause you haven't a prayer of beatin' me!"
We exchange punches until I hear a poppin' sound an' he collapses.
" Aw didja break yer little battery?"
The guy gets up and says " That's not stopping me. " Heh! Ya got spunk kid! The Abomination woulda been cryin' by now! Ya know ya got my respect if nothin' else."
I'M about ta put the last punch on 'im when the cage is pulled offa the ring . I look up an see a bunch of Green Lanterns being led by Guy Gardener. " Thanks grey boy ! We'll take from here." laugh Gardener.
" Hey Punk wait a minute! Your gonna take him on after he fights his heart out?"
" So? you just made our job easier for us."
I punch the smug little ring bearer through the roof . Then I grab the cage and smack a few more then these yellow things attack them. I turn ta see Henchman up and ready to go a few more rounds with me .
" My power cell is back online let's go!"
" Heh Nah that's ok. Ya did good let's call this fight a draw. "
The audience boos. I answer them with a " Shut up!" they all get quiet . then the Green Lanterns show up again. " Looks like they don't know when ta quit."
The announcer shrieks " Place your bets folks Joe Fixit , and The Henchman versus These Green Lanterns."
" Cool so we're tagging now ?" said Henchman.
" Yeah too bad fer them!"
Monday, July 10, 2006
" Ok Banner here's the drill stay there. That's all ya have to do Oh yeah I put some tranquilizers in your pocket, We don't need that green doofus messin' up my town. Now if ya go back to my place you'll mess everything up ya got that ? Stay there!"
I'm really getting sick of The Hulk treating me as his errand boy. I've cured my self of him several times now , but somehow I always find myself turning back into one Hulk or the other. Just I'm sitting there confused by this new plan the Hulk has concocted. ( I know how weird that sounds.) A man in an Aim uniform walks in.
" Dr. Bruce Banner?"
I must still be confused after transforming back to myself because I tell him " y,yes?" He then slaps me . This gets me angry. I then realize This man is going to be torn apart by the Savage Hulk so I Try to suppress the change, he doesn't like that.
" Let Hulk Out! Puny Banner! You Keep Hulk in darkness, you and fake grey Hulk! Hulk will show you both! Hulk is the strongest one there is!"
I run from the scene hoping I can get far enough away from people. When I'm outside the building I can sense I can't get away in time. I take three tranqs . Yes! These aren't normal tranquilizers! Joe actually gave me some of my gamma treated pills.
I calm down almost instantly. The office complex I just left exploded. I wander aimlessly until about noon I find myself at Fixit's place I find a video tape with the name "Banner " scrawled on a label.
I pop it in the VCR. Joe's image comes on screen. " Hey ya loser I hope ya did what I said. If not your gonna find your self in that vault ya tried to keep me in that time. You see This professional Henchman's been runnin' his mouth sayin' I'm scared of him. "
Great another one of the Hulk's enemies.
" So I did some uh , renovating of his union. I'm pretty sure he was going to try to retaliate So I guessed he'd have some kind of Gamma tracker , so I put you in a building I was paid to destroy, by the owner's business competior. If you didn't foul things up there Captain Puny my plan must have gone without a hitch Oh yeah I called the SHIELD on one' a his allies too. Plus I also warned 'em about some plan they cooked up to get Magneto outta the clank. How did I know about it? Let's just say I used some of your science knowledge to plant a bug on a certain red haired robot, heh!"
This is what people forget about Fixit especially when they discover he's the Hulk. He's crafty. Maybe too crafty. Unlike the green savage Hulk he actually thinks things through. I Have to find a way to get more control over him .
Saturday, July 08, 2006
I completely destroyed the building , knocked out the teeth of whoever was in there. Then I painted the message on what was left of the building after smashing it down. Some chick in a constrictor suit gave me some lip, so I tied her up in her own coils.
Now even if the henchman doesn't know it he will soon. All his friends already know it . Ya don't mess with Joe Fixit.
Monday, July 03, 2006
This smaller purple thing said " Yes Let's turn him into a throw rug!"
The thing they were talking about was a furry monster with horns. It looked pretty tough , but acted like a scared three year old. Cable was holding his fore head in tired manner.
I paid the video game creatures, to slip a drug in Nate's Soda. He was starting to wobble on his feet. Then I jump 'im. I get a TK blast for my efforts. He pulls a lazer on me, and fires it.
It bounces off my chest. Meanwhile the sidekicks were leaving the video game ones were trying to convince the big one to steal DVDs and one was saying "We smoke as we steal DVDs."
Cable tried to reach into my mind. but I saw him sweatin' yeah this was gonna be easy. He holds up a tk shield which I punch through easily. I grab him take out a needle from my pocket and take some blood.
I drop him on the ground after that Nate say " Hulk don't give him the blood."
" So you know who my client is eh?"
" If it's who I suspect it is, the world could be in danger. "
I laugh at him, " I don't care about this planet full of puny humans that have hounded me over the years. All I care about is gettin' what I want."
I leapt away. I delivered the blood at some weird book store. This pale faced man gave me a suitcase of money, after he made sure the blood was Logan's and Summer's When I get back to Vegas, Some of my associates tell me That AIM reject The Henchman's been sayin' I'm afraid of him.
Ok now ya've done it. Henchman it's time to cash the check your mouth is writin'. I know plenty of fight promoters in here in Vegas. If you want to prove your not yellow like your outfit You'll meet me at the Coliseum Casino where we'll fight in an Adamantium cage.
What do ya say?
Friday, June 30, 2006
I had no idea this guy tried to contact me before, I sense Banner had something to do with this. I look on the news ta see if Logan or the X-men were doing anything at the moment , what do you know they were fightin' the Dark Phoenix and Magneto's Brotherhood of Puny mutants.
I also saw some guy in a AIM uniform and the constrictor. Well looks like I'm gonna need some help with this one if nothing else I've studied this Henchman guy. He has a battery that allows for my powers to just make him stronger.
Not to worry My partner has been watching him on that game show for weeks now. I call him up. After we get ta Washington. I go over the plan with him. " Alright we act like we're all heroic and comin ta save the day. Then I get close ta short stuff, an ' take a blood sample got it.
He kind looks lost in though. " Maybe we should actually help out? If that freak Magneto wins he'll put my Woman in a concentration camp, then kill my children."
" Ya ain't goin' soft on me are ya?"
" Just thinking out loud." He said watching Wolverine fight the Hench man. The runt looked like he losin' but the problem wit' Logan is he can take a lot of abuse. Sometimes he'll take it on purpose to put his opponent in a false sense of security then he'll gut 'em.
What can I say? I've fought Wolverine a lot. " Ok " I say " Let's do this. "
I fall on Mags from above slammin' him into the pavement. The Constrictor catches me with those Adamantium coils of his. " I almost beat you when you were green Hulk. I 'll destroy you now that your weaker!'
I grin at him " Who says I'm weaker?" I pull the coils to me, and he slams into my fist. The Hench man summons some kind of Demon which the hairy midget already cut in half.
" Well Henchman Ya think yer gonna make yer reputation by beating the Hulk huh? Sorry but I ain't got time for you but I think you know my partner here? "
Vegeta shows off by going Supersaiyan and then Slammin' into the Henchman causing a Sonic boom. " Vegeta! " Hollers the Henhcman. " Your not going to win this one with cheap shots!"
" Your right! I'm going to win by being stronger and faster human!"
" I'm not completely human any more! Because of you ''Hero' I'll pay you back for that in spades Alien!" As they hit each other with superspeed punches I walked over to Logan ready put him down when the Phoenix blasts me.
" Stupid Hulk you shouldn't have interfered in my war !"
" Hey I don't care about you toots! So do yourself a favor an' back off!"
She blasts all the skin off of my body I regenerate it, she does it again and again. gettin' me mad !
" Look Red! I didn't want ta do this but you made me angry!" I slam my hands together the shock wave stuns her. I follow up by jumpin' on her And landin punch after punh I then hear " Jeanie Nooooooooo!"
Next thing I know six claws are cuttin' inta my back. I slap him offa me. The I remember Wolvie's who I'm after. He recover s quick and gets that metal goon to throw himself at me the metal cuts deep. I pull his claws out wipe off my blood then I use his own hands ta cut him open I put a vial inta the wound before it heals gettin' the sample.
I'm ready ta leap outta there. I see Vegeta walk over too me with a bruise on his cheek and a cut over his eye. " Hmph. He got in a few shots, but I won."
" Well let's get outta here!"
I Leap away while I see vegeta looking as if he wants to help the X-men whatever I got what I came for .
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
The strange thing was this woman was supposed to be this man's mother yet he looked older than her. hMiari was in his thirtes. And His mother looked like she was just hitting 20. Then I started looking at ther more closely, Dr. Bulma Briefs?
That can't be! She should be in her late forties yet she looked like she's just starting college. She looked at me closley then I saw she reconoised me. " Bruce isn't this a little dangerous ? You being in the open like this and all. "
" Your the first person to reconize me so far that is you isn't it Dr Briesfs?"
" Dr Briefs is my Dad Bruce Call me Bulma ."
" Ok so are you going to report me to General Ross?"
" I thought you knew me better than that. No beseides my husband is your business partner. " I had no idea what she was talking about.
" Opps" she said . " I mean Joe's you know the H, u, l, k."
" I see he's been busy. He's even got a girlfriend now. I think I may be losing control of him."
She just kind of laughs." If you lost control of him, we'd all know it. This city would be rubble. By the way I 'm sorry to hear about Betty. "
My wife betty. She was killed by one of my enemies the Abomination. I thought she had returned, but that turned out to be an illusion by another one of the Hulk's enemies Nightmare.
" Life goes on" I finally reply.
" Now you really need to stop bottling up your emotions Bruce. You know that's why you have your big green and grey problems . "
I change the subject. " That guy's your son? He looks a little too old even if you dinn't look so much younger than you did last time I saw you."
" It's a long story, let's just say he's from an alternate universe. "
I chuckle " I have a few expirences with those myself. "
" It's great to see you not as Joe for once. If you ever need anyone to talk too, or work on some invention call me alright I'd better get back to work."
Sin ce there was no point in me staying there now that tthe Terra Cotta warriors were gone. I took the next flight back to Vegas. I returned to the new building Joe bought. I could get used to it if I didn't feel so dirty about where he gets the money to pay for evreything.
I listen to his messages more from that weirdo Captian Koma, and one from someone who wants Wolverine and Cable's blood. I erase that message. If the Hulk is going continue in this career I'm not going to let him work for villians or psyhcos.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Any way I finally got i'm. "Hey Vegeta!" I said I got a little problem."
" So?" he answers
" Look punk! yer my partner an I know yer on some game show but I need some help. "
" Bah ! You'd think the Hulk could take care of himself!" he said.
" You know about my little day light problem you gonna help or not?"
He sighs and says " Fine what do you want?"
" I want yer son ta watch this place during the day. not the whiny one or the blue haired psycho."
" Miari ok fine."
As the night goes on Some ninjas and these others attack he place. I beat them down until I notice the sun comin' up oh no not now!
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
My healin' ability took care of the drug an' a steel vault was nothin to my strength. I end up gettin' there late. So I ended up keepin" Bloodscream an' Roughouse out of the fight between Plauge and Kingpin.
The two ended up wimpin' out and became partners . Not that I care I got what I wanted outta the whole deal everything I wanted. Plague wanted me to join as a permanent Henchman, but I told him I like ta be my own boss.
When I get back to my office I find a message on my machine from a Captain Koma He's creating a strike force ta take out the Terminarix. I call him and say I'll do it for half price since takin' down the robot will stick in Magneto's craw.
Word on the street says the Swamp Thing is putting together a strike force to take down the amazin' pink mutant as well. Looks like he's in fer a fun time. The next night Banner left a tape recording sayin' I got the job at Oike gallery one hitch I had to work night and day.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
I should go find Wolverine and pay him back for this. Then again the last beatin' I put on the midget was pretty severe. So I guess we'll call it even. Now Wilson's waste of my time.
1. Other than yourself, pick the contestant that remains in Last Gladiator Standing you think will win? Aoc 's pretty funny.
2. What's your favorite color of Pink? none.
3. What's your favorite episode of Golden Girls none again.
4. If you were Anna Nicole Smith, what would you do with your child? I'm surprised that kid's alive.
5. How many figures am I holding up? Heey is that a green Hulk? Where's yer Fixit Figure? Get back here ya little punk!
6. Decipher this code: *66hsther;o adthaodf stop Deadpool really is havin' Henchman's baby. I did not wanna know that.
7. What's wrong with this Meme? It bugs me.
8. Create your own question and answer it Whos the Stongets one there is? Big Joe.
10. Do you have a man crush on Luke Cage? Man Crush? Well I did once crush Iron man, and Spider-man oh his head .
12. Are you the weakest link? That would be salad brain.
13. Are you prepared for the Dalek invasion over here? I 'll smash 'em.
14. Switch lives with one blogger for a year? Problem is I switch lives with two othr bloggers all'a time Banner and Green Hulk.
15. Who has the best sidekick in LGS? While I would like ta see how Magnifcant Becca really is, I'd have ta say Xavier.
16. If you watched the season finale of Doctor Who, what did you think'; Didn't watch it.
17. Do you know who Lookwell! Is? No unless he's got money otherwise I don't care.
18. Tag 3 people you wouldn't share socks with. No one tells Joe Fixit what ta do.
Friday, June 02, 2006
When It's my turn at the body again I see he's built some kinda doohicky that finds her. I find her fightin' Wolverine an' Storm. She knocks 'em down. Her makers told me her force fields can be stopped by a sonic attack. So I give 'er the most devastating' one on the Planet my Thunder Clap.
She goes down for a minute An' I make sure she stays down with and electromagnetic disrupter. As I'm about to take the Fembot away a certain little runt objects.
" Fixit! That ' bot is to dangerous! She has ta be crushed."
" Not gonna happen midget!" I say. " Now get outta th' way, Or make you get out of the way!"
He pops those damn claws of his and Jumps at me. I swat him away in midair. when actually does some kind of flip in the air lands feet first on a wall the springs at me again usin' the momentum to cut through my chest.
" Ok runt now ya went an' got me mad!" I scream.
I punch him he slashes me, I finally grab him by those claws of his and throw him around I smash him into the pavement then a wall, finally I jump about 1,000 feet an' piledrive Logan into th street.
The little punk still wants to fight he cuts my legs. I just stomp on his head several times rattlin' his brains until I can convince him to listen to what I gotta say.
" Listen here stupid! If ya want me to rip ya aprt like Greenie did I can, Or I can let you X-men know about somethin' that can get rid of Magneto for you>"
" Cough! Grrrr!" He says at me as pin his arms down with my feet. " Look I was at Capsule Corp recently And trunks wanted ya to know about a gun that takes out Magnet boy's powers. It's only temporary , but if I know you you'll already go tazmanian devil on him before he can get them back."
" Dammit Fixit! That Terminator is too dangerous for whoever I payin ya ta get it for 'em . "
" Ya see Logan That's the problem I don't care. Now ya can chase me , or you can take out your worst enemy, And hey I hear Bulma likes short guys with funny hair ya might have a shot. " I leap away leavin' Wolverine to heal in peace.
I get the Money from the companies President , it' three times my normal salary. Well It look Like Fixit Inc. is movin' up in the world I bought an office building, with plenty of room for Banner's little experiments.
He can have it on one condition he doesn't try to cure himself. My offices are going to be on the middle floors An' I'll be livin' in th' Penthouse. This is gonna be sweet.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
I would like to know how he could accomplish that without killing himself. Also going to NewYork is a lot easier for him than it is for me. Okay I found some of Fixit's money and flew there first class.
I wonder what he does with this money. I know he has a bit of a gambling addiction, But not so much that he needs as much as he gets. Could it just be greed? I never thought any part of myself was that much into material things. I guess I was wrong.
So The Oike gallery interview was a complete disaster. The owner wanted to Speak with Joe himself. Which is impossible during the day. Since either me , the childish Hulk or the Professor are active during the day.
Actually I haven't changed into the Professor in a while, I wonder if something happened to his personality? Long story short Miss Ishikawa, would not hire someone she didn't meet first hand. What made it worse was I saw Wolverine there.
I don't think he noticed me , which must mean something is on his mind. Lucky me I don't want to see what The Green savage Hulk can do to NewYork. Fighting Wolverine always made him just a bit angrier. Him and Ben Grimm always seemed to bring out the worst of the Hulk's nature.
So next mooring I wake up back in Las Vegas. Without a clue what Fixit did during the night, but very thankful that his healing ability can fight off most viruses. It was early when this girl named kristy walks in.
" Is Joe in?" She asks.
"Mr Fixit is unavailable during the day." I say.
" Why is he sleeping or something?"
" I guess you can say that. "
" Can't you wake him up it's important."
" I would if I could, but he's um,a very deep sleeper. "
" Has anyone ever told you your a very bad liar Mr?"
" Bruce Bann.... I mean Bancroft. "
" Well Mr. 'Bancroft' Tell Joe if he doesn't want to talk to me he should tell me in person instead of sending his dorky assistant to say he's a sleep. "
As she storms out the door I wonder what Joe's connection is with this girl. I wish I can find a way to control the Hulk's actions all of them, or at least remember what they do.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Trunks joined the fight , He wasn't doing as good as other saiyans I've seen. Then again that could a been because of Freako's Mind powers. The boy surprised us all by turning Ss4.
While M.O.D.O.K. was reeling from a psychic backlash, I start beating on him. A bunch of burning attacks, Thunder Claps, and just regular super punches The weirdo finally cuts out and runs saying " A henchman isn't worth Fighting the Hulk and a freak boy."
The money I got outta this deal was well worth the aggravation . At this rate Capsule Corp might as well put me, on the permanent payroll. Well at least this one was easy not compared to this other job I've been workin'
I was hired by this guy's family ta find him,
And tell him to stop dressing like that. I haven't been able ta find him anywhere, then again, If I dressed like that I would hide too.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
And the Rhino wearing purple things on his costume.
We trash th' building for a while until, I jump out of the way, and the two slam into each other, Knocking each other out. I seem to remember Rhino once did that to the Abomination while fighting greenie once.
That Rhino just can't work with anyone. Hammerhead runs at me screaming' on the 30 th floor.
I step out of the way. He slams through and falls into a garbage truck below. Man that had to hurt. Right before I get to the Kingpin's floor I'm stopped by a bunch of Henchmen.
I hear they want dental these days. Well they're going to need it now that I'm finished with them. I finally confront the Kingpin.
Stupidly he tries to fight me I smash him, and I find out he's a robot. " So Ya ain't got the guts to stay here an fight eh Kingpin?"
His face comes up on a screen. " Fighting you would just be stupid , now wouldn't Dr Banner?"
" I ain't Banner!" I yell.
" Whatever, Are you angry that your little relationship with a bimbo is ruined because of me."
"Nah, I don't care about that, I care about you sending those losers Roughouse and Bloodscream after me."
" Well I knew they wouldn't be able to kill you. I should have guessed you would have eventually discovered my ruse. But I could just pay you to rid West City Of Black Plauge and his mob."
" If ya came to me and asked I might have done it. I say. " I don't like that Cain punk anyway. But now you'll just have to have your selves a little gang war to settle your dispute. And I'm going to hit you where it hurts your pocket book!"
I take everything of value in the place , man he's got a lot of money, this should pay for rebuildin' office just fine. Then I pull Fisk Tower down\. I hope that Mook has to pay through the nose to rebuild it. Hey Why I'm In New York I might as well check out the Hellfire Club. An' spend some of the Kingpin's money on strippers. Heh Heh!
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
I walk down an alley hoping no one notices me when a card almost hits me. "That was the first shot." said a man in a costume. " Next one is going through your forehead."
I run but several cards go into my back I fall behind a dumpster. I notice the sun has gone down. I don't know which is worse dying or turning into Fixit.
Shaddup Banner! When Bulls eye sees me come out from behind the dumpster his eyes almost bulge outta his head. He throws those sissy cards at my eyes. They just bounce off.
"I never miss! What happened?"
" Ya ain't got enough power to even hurt me, you loser. " I say as I grab him by his hands" But I have more than enough to hurt you." I slightly squeeze his hands they crack.
" Now Bullseye I know you know who tried to kill me , and people trying to kill me puts me in a real bad mood. Now if ya want to get outta this with some unbroken bones. you'll tell me who ordered the hit."
" The chameleon! " he yells in obvious pain. " He ordered the hit disguised as Black Plauge. He was told to do it by the Kingpin!"
" What's Fatso got against me?"
" Nothing he wanted you to kill the Grim Reaper, then you'd crush Plauge's organization. After that he'd move in and take over."
I let the costumed doofus go, and leap away. He kept saying " My hand , my hands." It's already been told on other blogs , how I met up with Cain in th' middle of a battle between him and Goku. An' How he teleported away so I won't elaborate on that. "
But whattaya know I Find him all beat up,a the hospital with his girlfriend. " She yells not again! Did you do this to his face?"
" No that was the clown Goku." Cain says " Do want some of the same Fixit?"
" Like you could hurt me little man . Look I came hear for two things first off I paid your medical bills. I didn't wanna but this puny voice in my head wouldn't stop naggin' me."
They look at me like I'm nuts. Though it ain't me that's fruit loops It's Banner, an he' th' one that kept naggin' me.
" The second?" said Reaper finally
" The one that started this whole mess was the Kingpin. Just thought you'd wanna know. If ya want a piece of Fatso you'd better just wait until I'm finished smashing him."
After that I start leapin' to New York, I know Lardo is sittin' in Fisk Tower just laughin' at us. I'm goin to make him feel some of the pain he's caused.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Good, I turn to leave and see a young man who looks like Dr. Bulma Brief's husband, the one with the Napoleon complex. He looks at me then sniffs me. He grabs me slams ,me against a wall.
" You have some nerve Fixit! How dare you come here!" How does he know about I'm Fixit?
"How did you become this small creature? It doesn't matter though I demand You turn into your true form. I will not kill something with such a small power level."
" Look here," I say. " I can't control the change....."
he slaps me " No more lying you bastard!"
" Look for your own safety don't make me angry, believe you wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
" I don't like you now !" Your dying one way or another Joe! but I'm giving you a chance to die with what little honor, someone like you can have."
" I understand your anger."I say trying to calm this boy, for some reason the name Cain pops into my head. " But the thing your about to release is much harder to control than Fixit." I look at my hand and it was turning green.
" What are you talking about? " he asked. Lucky some man pulled Cain off of me. " Goku what are you doing here?"
" About to stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life, That's the Hulk there."
Cain snorted. " The Hulk is a myth clown. A human cannot become that strong. "
I run out of there Because I know if I stay The Green Hulk will devastate this city in a rampage.
Meanwhile In the hospital.
" Goku you Fool! Fixit escaped because of you!"
" No you escaped a beating, I've fought the green guy once he's tough."
" Idiot! I should kill you! ,and your color blind he turns grey not green."
" If you want to try and kill me reaper follow me out to a wasteland I owe you for what you did to Goten anyway."
" Fine lead the way Clown!"
Now back to Banner....
I have to get out of town, If I've been found out it won't be long before the military comes looking.
No Way Mr Puny! We ain't goin'no where!
We can head back to Vegas after we find out who tried to off me not before got it?
Joe this is too dangerous.
Just lay low 'till tonight so no one let's out Guacamole for brains. Then when I come out tonight someone's gonna get what's coming to 'em.
I give in. Because I know he'll just come back here when I become him. I'm nowhere near my desert labs , where I can keep him locked up. It looks like someone's going to pay tonight.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
While fighting Cain, Kristy's dumb sister got in the way of one of my punches. Dumb broad almost got killed, If I hadn't of pulled my punch at the last second. Kristy gives me this dumb little speech.
It's all about how " Cain wouldn't hurt you because I cared for yopu and he loved my sister." Blah! Blah! Blah!I'm washing my hands of this whole mes after I find out who tried to kill me. Apprently If I beleive the whiney twins it wasn't Reaper.
Roughouse an' Bloodscream are long gone. I'm gonna have to see what the word on the street is arrrrrrgh! A huge pain just struck me what's happining? I'm the Hulk I don't feel pain. No the sun's up! I'm turning back into Banner!
( looks around at the destruction.)
" What have you you done this time Joe?"
( flashes of an innocent woman being hurt. Go through his mind.)
Damn it! Joe ! No don't get angry. That won't help. Ok I have to make sure the woman is ok before I leave town.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
" Hey Joe!" she says innocently. " Sorry kid but i gotta do this."
" Reaper Your boss tried ta off me! I think you have something ta do with that! Now we should step outside you'll either tell me what is goin' on or I'll beat outta ya!"
" Fine freak! though I have no idea about what you are talking about."
Vegeta's kid just as arrogant as he is. He thinks no one on th' planet is as strong as a saiyain he's about ta get a rude awakening.
He turns ss and beats on me a little I miss with my first few punches, he kick me down then, smirks at me that's when I rearrnge his dental work wit' a haymaker.
s he's bleedin' from 'is mouth I kick into th' air he turns al hairy
I guess taht' what they call ss4. He starts firin' blasts at me.
" Think yer smart don't ya getting outta my range? My range is longer than ya think. " I hit a Thunder Clap knockin' 'im down."
I then grab 'im by his tail knee 'im a few times. Then I pick'im up an yell " Why'd ya try ta kill me ? "
To be continued in Crime Alley
Monday, May 08, 2006
That was disturbin.' So I get paid in Atlantian gold While I'm sittin' in my office, trying ta figure out how i'm gonna spend this. Roughouse an' Bloodscream break down my door.
" Master Fixit the end of your day art here."
" Huh?" I say.
" Were gonna kill ya." said Roughouse.
That I understand I let my fists do th' talkin for me by kncking the big dork out through the hole he knocked in my wall. Then the vampire jumps on me . I start bleedin like crazy.
While this is happenin.' The big hairy guy starts punchin' me this gets me mad. I slam the pale freak into his big buddy. Blood scream transforms inta somethin' and satrts babbilin' in old English.
I knew one thing I wasn't gonna let that undead creep touch me again. I unleash a Thunder clap. The two fly out I slam Roughouse inta his creepy buddy The Big guy starts bleedin'.
"Okay The big dork is gonna die if ya don't tell me who sent ya!" I say.
" Thou Doth not have the guts ta kill grey beahemouth."
" Ya wanna try me pal? " I say. " Ya better hurry not sure how much blood shaggy can lose there!"
" Black Plauge thou maloderous lummox!" I let them go an' Bloodscream drags Roughouse away. Now why would Black Plauge send those two after me? Wait it must be that punk Cain that works for him. I 'm gonna break Reper's scrawny little neck!
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Jumpin' off a bulding an' kicking me in the face ain't funny. Ok the fact he was yellin' surprise! while he did kind of funny was but any way I got him back.
heh heh heh