Tuesday, February 28, 2006
I know a scam when I see it. Like Goku couldn't take dat mook wit his Pinky. That is why Joe Fixit is officially annoncin' his registration in tha Boudakai. ( That an ' the huge cash prize.) Get ready fer sum real competion, boys an' girls.
Monday, February 27, 2006
from Placebo Pharmecies. com Hello Joe would like a pill that would make your breasts larger and atrract mor e men?
No on both, delete.
From thar krazy cospirete@ goofball .commm : did you know Kfc doesn't use real chickens? They use gentically altered mutants that have no eyes or legs.
Ok I can do wit'out kooky mail today. delete.
I am the Prince of the country kakbakastan if you send me $1000 I will send you back ten million, You see my country is in trouble and I need your help
Here's the world's tiniest violion, and I'm playin' it now. Does anyone really fall fer dat ?
From Murdock Matt@ DDEVIL,.com
Hello Mr Fixit I undrestand you are a super hero.
Hmmm I wouldn't say dat more like a business man
Well I' ve been one myself froe A while now,
I know dat.
Any way I would like to help you, you see I Desined superhero costumes and would like to get into business with you.
Lawyerin' must be slow.
Here's a coustume I designed for Spider-man.
Dat explains it , an here I wuz thinkin' Spidey lost a bet or sumthin', No he' just din't want Daredevil ta think he didn't like dat clow suit, A word of advice Spider-man go back to red an' blue. Murdock would never know.
Well that's enough o' dat I'm itchin' ta get back ta work.
Friday, February 24, 2006
They just said it was for his Kenobi treatment. I didn't know what that was. Then I found out hje don't bathe They washed him with a pressure washer, and got the worst possible person ta do it Son Goku.
Yeah he washed rhino and me cause I standing holdin' him then he went on a rampage. Runnin' around . Washing the gaurdsmen , other prisoners. evrethin' He telported out of the place and attacked the neighbor hood. Here he is washin' somone's house.
The washer was found outside a denny's wit no food in it . I dragged my soggy self and soggy money home . I;m gettin' more info fore i take a job from now in.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
I was gettin' a beatin' But iwasn't goin' ta let da green version a' me beat me me .
I got mad and fougt back. As da battle went I noticed the clone was gettin bruised alot , and not healin' So I started ta beat 'im harder.
At the last second I heard a snikt! And da clone fell dead. " Ya don't know hoe Long I've been waitin' ta do that." Said Logan I just sneered at , and set the explsoives the last base blew up real good.
Alright I got tagged By Vampirella .
If you were to ghost write Deadpool's autobiography, what would you name it?
Mr Fixit's better Than me I give up
If Simon Cowell were to ask you to help takeover France with Deadpool and himself, would you accept?
Yes den rule France myself.
On a scale of 50-100, with 50 being mind blowing and 100 being drooling the Nile river, how would you rate Bea Arthur?
Whut rating is gouge my own eyes out rather den look at her?"
If you were to appear on Deadpool's show, who would you play?
Joe Fixit Lovable Workin' guy who steals all 'pool's girlfriends.
List 5 ways to improve tacos.
Make em bigger
Make 'em stronger so dey don't fall apart in yer hand.
Make da sauce spicier
Lots more cheese.
Would you die for Deadpool?
Not enough money on da Planet
Do you find Cable's eyes dreamy?
Tag more 1 tmore person than the person who tagged you meaning if person A tags 4 people, you tag 5 and the people you tag, have to tag 6.
Why should I?
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
But today we did pretty well The first factory was pretty easy. Only a few robots guardin' it. The second one was harder. It was crawlin' wit brood. Me and logan put ,em down pretty easy. as we set tha bombs Wolverine yelled out." Hey look at this!"
there was a whole mess ,o Spider-man clones. " It's a good thing we're torchin' dis place." I said. " We don't need more Spider -man clones." After we blew dat one up. We looked around out side an saw mutant clones attackin' New York.
I was attacked by a clone O Sabertooth " I always wanted ta know how'd I'd do against dis guy." I said. He didn't fight like Logan at all he ran right inta my fist. I tunred around Ans Wolvie slicin, a fake Cyclpos. An enjoyin' it way too
I was breakin' the circle ting in a Havok clone when Sinister's voice, came from on top ' building. " Tell me what do you get, when you splice Xavier And Magneto?"
" Into riddles now bub?" " yelled Logan.
" Look over there." , said Sinister. " Onslaught!" we both said at once. " Behold my mighty hand!" said tha clone we were blasted by a combo blast that combined telpathy and magnetisim.
Next ting we knew he entered our minds , and made us fight rach other .
" Now you shall kill each other for us!" Said the clone . I heard a voice in my head " Let Hulk out Hulk will smash them all!" " Yeah an evrythin' in a hundred mile radius. fergit it." I got an Idea I grabbed Wolverine an tossed 'im at the Onslught clone.
" A lright Fast ball special ! yelled Logan as he cut through the crab lookin' thing. Problem was he kept flyin' far far inta tha horizon he took several other Flyin'clones out before he dissappered.
Then o'Onslaught " exploded . Causin' A pshycic backlash it must 'ave been controllin' the rest . Hit all the clones I looked aroundthey were all starin' inta space I tink dey were all brain dead.
I went over ta Sinster, and saw he was meltin' I don't believe he's supposed ta do that. " Yer a clone ain't ya." " Yes you wouldn't think Sinister would risk himself would you?"
So I went lookin' around fer Wolverine I finally found ,im he was wrapped around a flagpole . " Hey sleepin, furry wake up we got two more facilities ta destroy if even the clones r gone we gotta make sure dey can't make anymore ."
Logan growled." Ya meant ta do that didn't ya." " I jest don't know my own power." I said " Ya know Madder I get stonger I get, Ya ticked me off tearin my suit."
He growled all the way ta the next facilty We blew dat one up , one left ta go."
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
When I found Blade He was fightin' Vampire clowns?
They where overwhelmin' him so I stepped in. I I picked up several and crushed 'im together. they all turned ta dust. Even Puny Banner would have no problem wit' killin' undead.
After I took down most of them Blade cussed at me " I didn't need your help, whoever you are! I can kill nightstalkers on my own." " Whut was that about? " I asked him.
" They were going to children's parties and feeding on them. Now why are you here?"
" Look tell me one thing an' I'm outta yer hair, does Dracula have any relatives? My Client wants ta know ."
" His son Alucard runs a club called Night Shadows in L.A."
" That's all I needed ta know here's ya sum money fer yer time ."
" Keep your money, If your 'client' will take out Alcurad that makes my job easier."
I went back ta amy office ta find Trunks Waitin' on me I gave him the info, and thought tha arrogant lil' punk would go away. But then he asked " want a little extra money?"
I ended up helping the punk bail out the X-men , Vampirella an, some chippie called Magdelena. The rest of whut happened, is over on Vampirella's and Magdelna's blogs.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Alright dis pic is here because I called up ol Vegeta on a quiji board and he said to post a pic on blogger then use it on your porfile, We'll see how it works out. I found out .
Me and the kid were fighting the Juggernaut. I kept getting stronger as I got madder, but Marko kept gettin' bigger. " Ha looks like I'll take down two bloggers with one body. " Said Juggernaut. " You and the Green Hulk will die, I'll get more Status Than Dracula for taking down Vegeta."
I heard the rumors that Dracula was havin' some kind 'O Feud wit Big hair . And that the X-men found some kind Conspircy ta kill all the super hero Bloggers I didn't know tha two were related.
Super boy said " Wait are all you guys in like the Legion of Doom or something?"
Legion of Doom? No way those losers, can keep puttin' the JLA In Story books an stuff! We' re the NWO." Not the wrestlers. When The Professor Hulk was in in control, we heard of these guys. I thought Apocalypse killed them all. I was wrong.
" Kon Plan A I yelled." the boy jumped on the armor and used Tactile Telekinisis to open it . I saw the ruby embedded on Cain's chest I grabbed it and started to pull. One problem, Juggernaut's mystic defenses knocked us both back. I started healin' pretty quick.
The kid's magic weakness had him out cold. Ok Time fer plan b. I had super boy bring me a Phantom Zone Projector. When I was tryin' ta find it, Dr Strange's Voice came into my mind . "Juggernaut's power is being augmented by several mages."
" That's about ta be, no longer a problem ." I yelled I used Banner'a Mind ta figure out tha projector. I blasted 'im And he disappeared. In a floating sqare thing . Now Marko is someone else's problem.
In The Phantom Zone
" Man In red armor Kneel Before Zod!"
" Shut up you annoyin' freak 'fore I shut you up . "
Sunday, February 19, 2006
He said " There is some one feeding Marko's gem of Cyttorak even more mystical power. I will try to find a way to stop the feed but you'll have to hold him off Br... I mean Joe ." I decided since Doc Strange was gonna help me fer free I'd let him almost callin' me "Bruce ." go besides I didn't like the Crossroads tha first time.
I thought I needed some more muscle, I may be th' strongest one there is. But wit' magic ya can never be too sure . I looked through the muscle Guys I knew.
Doc Samson? There 's no way besides my past wit' dis dork he'd be askin' Juggeranut about his mother an' how he's feelin' I'd have ta slap green hair half way through, besides that costume hurts my eyes.
Yeah right. Besides tha fact he hates me the Abomination cries when he gets beat too much. I know I usually do tha beatin'
Colussus would be perfect, he's strong and loyal two prblems, one he not too bright, two all the X-men are on some kind o' mission.
I Started lookin fer heroes Out side my neck o' tha woods. I came up wit , Superman the salad brain has fought 'im a couple o' times . My memories from Greenie are pretty spotty, but he seemed tough.
Too bad he don't have no skeletons in his closet. But his kid clone does.
I called ,im ta my office.
" Yo waht the hell do you want?" He asked i gave him all the stuff about money. When that didn't work I appealled to his heroic side . " Look ya grey gargoyle I ain't teamin' up with a leg breaker. "
Then I had ta bring out tha Black mail," look kid ya don't help me dis picture goes out to tha tabloids an' tha pretty lil' Wonder girl ya got a thing fer.
" What? I mean how'd you get that? I can explain...."
" I don't wanna hear it. Are ya gonna help me or not s- boy? "
" Yeah sure"
" Look I need ya ta get sumthin' outta yer pop's Fortress fer plan b. Meet me Jersey.
I leapt a jersey and the kid met me there, The Juggernaut came around a corner
Super boy yelled " He's as big as a house man!"
The Juggernaut said " Hey little people outta the way cause nothin' stops the Juggernaut."
Why does he have ta say that all the time.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Now it 's my turn in this stupid caveman duisguise I attacked Castle Doom. It seems dis dumb beard is intimdatin'. And the club was made of titanium so I could smash the tanks . The good news is they didn,t know it was me so thee heavy stuff wasn,t brought out.
Meanwhile Vegeta put the little gimmack That Richards sent into Doom's computers. The metal faced jerk just had to appear at that moment. An' a course Vegeta had to fight him . Not knowin' some o' the things in his armor could blast things as much as he can wit' his power.
I smashed through the the weak defenses they had and ran up to where I heard the explosions. It was a weird show , wit Doom blastin' an' casting spells and Short stuff's hair getting spiker and more gold.
so whilethey was distracted I turned on the device. And all th e Doom bots in tha place came runnin' and jumped on Doom. " How dare you use the macinations of Doom against him."
" Man! I hate people who talk in third person!" I saidI punched him , " That voice Doom knows you the Hulk!" What he didn't realise was I put another of Richard's little toys on his armor.
He stalled and was stuck. " Now what do we do with him? " asked Vegeta. " Well we could put a hat on 'im and and make him a cursing Garden Gnome Man ! Such Language Doomie! But seriously We let Richarads Do what he wants wit' him. . "
" Yes But no one is going to believe the Doom bots are him." said Vegeta. " Huh? why not ? Iasked " There is a gliche in Richard's program." Sure enough the Doom bots were all doin' somethin' strange. One Was yelling " I love you!" another was doin' Ballet. One was yellin "do the babababababaaaba!"
"Hey we did our job" I said let's go home. I dropped Doom off at the Baxter Building. Richards wasn't there , But I did See Johnny Storm and that chump Grim put Doom in one of those dunkin' machines ya see in the carnival, and there was whole mess o base balls.
When I got back to my home Vegeta left mumbilin' something afer I gave him his cut. ggod riddance. I walked into my new office,. and a certain hairy runt was waitn' on me.
" HeyBub the Professor has job for ya."
Friday, February 17, 2006
"But Why do I need to look like this? " He asked and is there some reason you have brought my family here to see my humilation?"
" Hey we we can't have anyone know it's ya right off. We need Doom ta think yer a tourist . Also I thought it would be funny fer yer wife an' kids ta see ya like this. "
" wait people actually go to Latveria forr tourisim" are they insane?"
" Hmph Your an Idiot." Oh yeah I cin tell already this ain't gonna work out, besides I've been thinkin' about gettin' a diffrenet partner for each fix So after dis Vegeta's done unless I need 'im again.
His cute lil daughter said" Aren't you going to have a disguise Mr Fixit?"
" I guess ,Doom knows about my um other selves but i'm kind ' a loose cannon any ways?"
The Girl said " Hey I got an idea. "
Evreyone else but me was laughin' Here is what the kid put me in
it's a little disturbin'
are ya sure ya wanna see it?
Vegeta said " Bwhahahahahahahahah! Welcome caveman joe."
Oh yeah a different partner each time definatley.
Thanks to Vegeta fer tellin" me about Supload.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
First Off I hadda re establish myself. You see I've been submerged a while now, while the jolly green goofus has been runnin' free. So I did some lame jobs mostly people who owed money. It's funny how they quick they pay when they see Big Joe comin'.
The next thing I did was buy some new clothes. Becuse the ripped purple pants ain't doin' it fer me.
I go back to the new offices ta see mr Prince of Sayians waitin' on me . " What
is you want with me ? " He asked in that arrogant tone A' his. Kind of reminded me of that mook Namor. I wondered if I made a mistake.
" Well sit yer funny haired self down and let's discuss this ." I said. " I shall stand." he said. Oh yes this working out real well so far. I heard Banner saying. " Quiet you!" I yelled Making Vegeta just stare at me.
" Hm should I leave you alone with you?"
" Look pal ya know of my condition, ya also know why I ain't around during the day. I need someone who can be around during tha day .We all heard of the Magneto thing ya pulled freakin genuis. But ya can keep doin' it fer free or ya make a dough."
"I need you why?"
"Because Mr funny hair I got the connections I know how things work, on this planet, while you only hang around your big hair buddys. "
"You are intriugeing me, maybe for a little while until I get bored ,I suppose. "
Ha problem fixed.
"Well here's our first job, from a Richard Reeds , Probabaly the lamest alias A big brain like Mr Fantastic can come up with . We're gonna fix a problem that goes by the name o' Dr Doom."
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Now I have a great idea fer a partner, he's bad enough. To break the rules. But not to ecompletely evil he does have a bit of conscience . Only a bit though.
He's been pullin' pranks lately that make me think he' got some talent . Now i'm off ta his blog again ta recruit him.
Big Joe out.